The day you left me was the day the world flipped upside down
It was the day we hit absolute zero,
The day there were no wars, no conflict, no death
The day you left me
Was the day everything I thought was impossible happened
You were the nerd, the perfectionist
Always memorizing facts of the arcane
Leaching Wikipedia articles for all they had
Too busy with science to prioritize matters of the heart
And I was too busy dissecting muffins, picturing my bones as a perfect xylophone
Imagining myself shrinking and shrinking until I was as hallow as I felt
You wanted a science experiment so bad, too bad you never realized you were dating one
You’ll never know how much I loved you
There are archives, poems stashed away of our love
Snapshots that force me back to the days when you loved me too
When a writer falls in love with you, you can never die
You will live on in the words I wrote, spend years in a dusty box tucked in the attic
But you will never be gone
And I will never forget
And you’ll never know how much I miss you
Oh, God, I miss you
I wish I’d told you I loved you more
I wish I’d counted all your freckles
I wish I’d made the time spent with you count
You told me you still wanted to be friends
But how am I supposed to be friends with someone whose lips are still stamped on my brain?
How am I supposed to be friends with the person who I thought would be my beginning and end?
How am I supposed to get over you?
I miss you so much
But I also miss the feeling of hunger, I miss sneaking off to the bathroom to rid myself of guilt, I miss the sadness that was so strong I couldn’t tell where I ended and it began
I can’t hurt myself anymore
My hands are as red with guilt as yours are
I chose depression over you
Every time I canceled plans,
Every time I pushed you away,
Every time I hid inside myself
I made you a third wheel in your own relationship,
Took the hand of depression while you watched on
Forced you to see our inside jokes
Paraded my infidelity in front of you
I have other loves now
I am head over heels in love with the human brain
I’m not much for flirting
But talk to me about the self-fulfilling prophecies and cognitive dissonance and I will fill your mind from dawn till dusk
And I am in love with words
With flipping through the pages of a book and knowing there’s a story there
With the greeting of warm papers from the printer and the click of my keyboard as I fill up empty space with life
Would I be alive to enjoy these things if it wasn’t for you?
I don’t know
But I am not obligated to take your outstretched offer of friendship
If I have learned anything in recovery it’s that I need to put myself first
I don’t owe you any friendship just so you can feel better for breaking my heart
So If I can’t be your girlfriend and I can’t be your friend
I guess that makes me nothing at all

To be left behind
Alone
On the shores of one’s life

Deserted
Lost
As the ships of fortune
Roll away beyond reach

To perceive
Even the smallest things
As a source of terror

To shrink
From the very light of day
Yearning for the escapology
Of black night hours

To let roll
Tears of desperation
As one recognises
One is nothing
But a broken being

How strange to be
So isolated
So alone
In this whirlpool
Of *******
Black
Tar

If only describing
The sentiment of inadequacy
Could disable its grip
And free one
From its power

The cold winter months  
Take hold
Of my entire being
As I stare at emptiness within me
Longing for escape

Bruised words spill
Over my page
In tribute to
The crisis hours

Ocean tides bring breeze in to air.
The life of us is always fair.
Air pacing all around us, for us.
Inhale nature at its finest.
That's the purpose.
So live it.

Don't question why once more.
Swim your way to the shore.
Rest your head for it is sore.
And lay it on the earth -
This is your re-birth.

My heart ached for a piece of the cake
i tried to take the whole thing, that was a mistake
it's hard to just be patient and wait
when you crave what's beyond your fate

in dire straits i face what's on my plate
what a nightmare a dream can make
i sort it out and lay it all straight
when there's nothing to give, there's nothing to take