Do you pity or envy a world
That has cut off its calluses
Do you love or fear a world
So gentle against the wind
That a ***** would bleed
That a pinch would twinge

I pity and fear it,

Thus:

Here I am, hiding
In a boat of poetry
In the strait of obscurity
Between two oceans of fear

Between
The old world of joyous suffering
And
The new world of unbearable peace

Trying to marry the water of lively green
And the deadly blue

As I tie the old waves to the new
I set aflight an echo through the wind-
In the shape of a dove, a clarion call:

"Don't renounce your past
But accept it with pride,
Lest you be judged for what you have done,
And never
What you could, would, and will do!"

I’m reclined in the chair,
For the very first time.
My anxiety at its peak.
It’s black and uncomfortable.
My arm resting on the side.
I begin to bite my cheek.
The equipment sitting there.
Standing by are the people,
Preparing for me, now all set.
I get brave and ready for the needle.

Clear tubes now red,
From my blood running through,
A strange, tingly sensation,
From my blood donation debut.
Racing to the pouch,
Or like a large silly straw,
With some sick beast enjoying
My blood at the end.

Alert at first,
Blinking tiredly soon after,
The room starts to spin.
My eyes playing tricks,
Is all that I could gather.

Suddenly falling,
But deep asleep.
The faces appear,
Absolutely appalling,
Dark orange and black,
Dripping and oozing,
But what flows from them?
My blood, perhaps.

Wait, why am I asleep?

Emotionally unavailable
During dark and dull days.
A long lasting boredom,
Slow day in a dreary haze,
And gradually hitting rock bottom.

Lay there in the silence,
Struggling with self hatred,
Too tired to change my clothing,
Why bother with hygiene,
With such a self loathing?

An uneven balance,
A ratio of hate.
Again lonely at heart,
Emotionally desolate,
Tearing myself apart.

You couldn't force me in any direction
At this point.
Just like we couldn't force the ocean to crash against the shore the way we wanted.
Just like how we can't control the wind or the weather.

I am like the hottest sunny days
Or the wet rain and all the storms in between.

You always said you liked hurricanes.

Well I am so much more than that
And maybe it's about time I show you
Exactly how dangerous it is
When left unacknowledged.

Biscuits and tea -
abstract girl entertains
Victorian ghosts





- fr