That night the stars aligned
You forgot to catch them
As we gazed into each others eyes
Lost in this benign affection
Your eyes filled my heart
With whispered empty promises
My decisions leaving you baffled
As the pouring rain in your door step

The street lights were so bright
I couldn't find my star anymore
Under those artificial lights
I fell into the embrace of darkness
Dreaming of a time you found me
Dancing alone to the music
Those lyrics only heard in my ears
You walked away not looking back

There are no stars in the night sky today
On days like this u wonder if you are there
Maybe without that's why I can't find them
Were you like those hidden stars in the dark sky
Is that why we don't connect on days like this
Where have you gone when you hide away
When I look up and realise the sky's empty
I think maybe that's why you're not there too

I thought coming here would magically change me
I always get it wrong
Sometimes what hurts isn't something you can remove
Sometimes I regret
Realizing nothing would ever change what's inside me
Reality got my tongue
We are fallen trees caught in a tornado wreaking havoc
We just want normalcy
Everyday becomes a living nightmare laced with pain
Every breathe a fight
Will I be locked up in this emotional turmoil eternally
Will I ever be free

I'm so confused
What is the truth
Why are people blinded by their scars
Why do we hide behind our past
Denying each situation
Hiding in the lies our past told
Leaving the pain to mark our present
Why does hatred run so deep
We can't find it to forgive
Even the dearest of kin
What is the meaning
Of life on the darkness
What is the reason to live on
When it's still yesterday

I left my body screaming,
Every time I fall
In and out of love.
Fear never really stopping me
Repeating my mistakes,
Like a broken medley..

It's not the kind of sadness which makes you want to cry all the time,
But the kind of sadness that overwhelms your senses so much,
You began to question your sanity
You lost touch with all your emotions.

Venlafaxine in the day
A little white pill,
Promising you no more break downs.

Sertraline in the evening
Two little blue pills,
Selling you dopamine and fake smiles.

Quetiapine in the night
Three little pink pills,
Swearing that you'll be in control.

Those lies they feed you
False hope sold in crazy little pills,
I still clutch the bottle of gas
Dreaming of normalcy,
Cradling a razor blade on broken skin
I smile like a fool.

Somedays we crave solitude,
Others we long for company...
We feel lonely,
abandoned.

We are alone in or minds,
Living through a hell of our own.
No one will understand,
No one can understand.

I see you today,
I miss you tomorrow.
Soon after I will love you,
And I will hate you...

We are not stalkers,
We just need assurance.
Someone to constantly remind us,
We are loved, We aren't forgotten...

Sometimes I shout above you,
I am not angry,
I just want to block out...
The battle in my mind.

You ask me if I'm okay,
Those three words I hear so much.
I know my response,
I know it so well.

“Are you okay”...
“How are you”...
I think, “No, I'm not okay“...

Inside I'm screaming,
Inside,
The tears only I know of need to fall .

I want you to know how,
There's hell and vicious circles,
Inside of me.

Though I've promised myself all life,
Never to lie.
Yet there I stand,
I look at you,
And feel the mask build strong in front of me.

“I'm okay, Yes. I'm fine”...

I always want my pain to end,
Everything I feel,
How can I feel so strong.

Sometimes I fall from what I hold on to,
I let go and find no way to be strong.

Sometimes I am weak,
I tire of the fight inside me.
But outside,
No flaws or marks show,
On that mask of me.