Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
I know I have relapsed many times after I got out.
But What if, I end up slipping just once again?
Will iT Be it? Will you Get Up
And Pack Your ****?
Or Will You Still Be Standing
Next to me
and help me get up and continue moving me forward.
Or Will You Just Give Up
And Let Me Go Deep further in my struggle.
What if I used, And Admitted it
Will You Look Angry
and say *******.
Or look disappointed
and say it's okay I still got you.
If I Used and told you
when I should have let you known before
Will You throw me to the curb
Or try to understand its not that easy to just stop myself with
Having impulsive behavior.
What would you do
if I walked up to you being honest about relapse.
Would you forget me
and Mark me absent.
Or Would You Forgive me
and give credit for not keeping it from you.
If I Told You I Got So Tempted ,
My Mind Just Couldn't take ****
and I felt urged
so I smoked.
Would You Look at me straight saying sorry I did as Much as I could take and disappear.
Or Would you stay
and help me figure out solutions to resolve my urge feel to using?
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
I'm Sorry Baby
Yes, Those who Truly Love would never lie.
But I Felt The Need To
iKnow The Truth To My Relapse
Will hurt you
and I'd probably
lose you.
So I decided it was best to
fool you
cause I want us to be forever,
I adore you!
Then Why Don't I just be honest?
Because I can't.
You'll Walk out the minute I tell you I had it again in my hands.
Youv Helped Me So much
&
Do the impossible to keep me out of reach
Take Most Of Your time to focus on me.
To see what I need.
You give me everything.
Addiction is a very hard thing
You Probably think I find it
So Easy to Say false things carelessly .
Underneath were the rightful things are seeked
I'm Really hurting and beating my self up with what I'm doing
The Drug Puts up a false front
Just to keep me consuming.
I Don't Want to lie
But I know the truth will make you Say goodbye.
Hope you understand
That it's not me who's dishonest
It's the drug that takes controll or Temptation that blind folds
To get me where it
Wants me.
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
iLove Him
iReally Do, Lately ive Been Having Nothing To Do.
Remembering How i'd Spend Much Time With Him
Cuddle, Talk, Movies, Go Places
Now its Like
Ilay in Bed All Day Waiting For Him impatiently to come home
I Got So used To
Being With him 24/7
Now we're Almost apart All Day
Went From All Day
To 3 hrs
Alone All Day, is Driving me insane
Loneliness is the replacement
iLove Him
iTruly Do
But Lately, ive Been Having Nothing T o Do
The Emptyness Between the
Hours seems To Be Slowly Drifting me Away..
Its not that i want to
Ijust dont know
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
HIM
iM Crushing
iSee Him
iWant Him
iFound Him
iLike Him
iM Shy
iTry To Converse
Instead i Compliment
Flirtatious Comments As He Walks Past Me
IReceive A Request
iTs Him, he Found Me
iS All This Meant to be?
We Begin to get closer
Know More about each other
different ways of communication
Never confronted
Video Games, Social Websites, Sibilings
Finally
A Number
We Start To Text One Another
Every Second Every Minute Every Day
iHardly Know About him
He Hardly knows about me
Might he be into me?
I think Everyday About it.
The more letters
iwrite
The more im becoming to like him
Hes Everything iWanted Since Middle school days
little did i guess
we'd become neighbors
was it fate
iM Crushing
iSee Him
iWant Him
iFound Him
iLike Him
iM Hurting
iM Heartbroken
iM Sad
continued...
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
iNever Been iN A Relationship With A Human Being.
Only With My Drug,
Crystal ****.
IConsidered iT My Lover.
My Baby, My World My Everything. iFell inlove With A Substance,
Felt So Real.
Created A Strong Bond
That Seemed unbreakable We Were unseperable.
This Stimulant Kept Me Away From Reality And Everything in it.
Blocked Me
From Having An Actual Boyfriend and Catching
True Loving Feeling.
iWas Blinded By These False Euphoric Feelings.
A Rush Like iF ive Accomplished A Hundred Things.
iWas Concentrated And Focused On Getting High And
Just living The Addict life.
That iHad No intrest At 16 Towards Boys or having a love life.
My Mind Was Just Set On The Streets And Dope Game,
Riskful Missions And Hanging With Friends. Guys Would Holler,
But id Give No interest.
Just Me And My Drug iS All That Mattered.
Throughout My 3rd Time iN Rehab, My Neighbor Would Call.
A Guy Friend.
Daily Conversations, Laughs And giggls,  something so rare and unexperienced.
As iBegan To Recover & Emotions Started To Untie,
iBegan To Feel Some Strange feelings ive never experienced 1st hand.
Once iGraduated My program. We Communicated More,
I liked This, i liked him.
Was Hard To believe that after all he knew about me?
He was into me to.
My supporter, My Friend This Guy Became My 1st Boyfriend <3
041314
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
iF iRelapse.
Baby Just Know, iOnly love You.
The Drug Will make me go Crazy & Lie Saying iLove iT
More Than You. My Slip Will Turn me Half Way Back To my
Old Ways.
Wicked Mentality & Heartless self, Numbed Out, Emotionless
Painless And Careless.
Nomatter the Relapse and reactions Ijust Want you to know
Il forever love you more.
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
iLove Him Dearly
His Sweet Scent Of Cologne He Sprays Around His Color Bone
Smells Dandy.
Right Now He's Sleeping, next To Me
Snoring softly.
His Cute Soft Face Pressed Comfly On A Pillow like Comfort
im Looking At Him As his eyes Are
Closed. And Tell myself
That im blessed to have him
He's Better & Wouldn't even trade Him For Gold.
My 6th Grade Crush id Stalk And Follow, Having my
Heart Sprung is Right Beside Me.
Never Imagined .
Id Actually End Up Becoming Something To Him 5 Years later.
My Dear Beloved <3
All Mine, All Mine, All Mine,
 Oct 2017
PEARL SMOKE
Yes
Never Had iThought
Id Actually Be Or Fall inlove.
A Mutual Desire
Something iFeel And People
Dont Call Me insane
Cause iTs A Human Being
Not A Chemical
Substance.
iRealistically Feel, How iKnow
iTs Real.
He's Better Than Drugs
A Fullfilling
Natural Stimulant dose
My Happiness my
everything, 1st love of my life

— The End —