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 May 2014 Mostly numb
Carly Bunch
opp
once your heart tells you to do one thing and your mind tells you another, you go with what they say.
when your fingers interlock with someone else's that aren't who they're supposed to be you cringe at the thought of your feet touching at night.
once you start to believe what other people say is true, you start to disbelieve in what your teachers tell you.
contradictions make the curiosity even more unbearable, yet we still wonder around like its our job to get lost in the dark, never ending abyss of our mind and we wonder how it was even possible that we sunk so low in our self esteem where we cant get back up
and the lines that make up the picture of your sadness are carved into your skin, differing you from one another to the next and so on,
until you cant find yourself in you anymore and you go to someone else hoping to see some of yourself in their broken eyes
but you cant.
yet you still search on and on until you find one thread of yourself somewhere else and you keep pulling that until it runs out and you run out, but then what?
do you keep running or do you keep your mind set to never getting that feeling back in your gut like you got when you held that right persons hand, and when your feet touched at night.
 May 2014 Mostly numb
mc
Midas
 May 2014 Mostly numb
mc
and I swear to god,
he is Midas
because the memory
of his hand on my waist
makes me feel
golden
I gave you the utmost honesty and respect I could. I'm sorry I couldn't make you and your shallow heart happy. Maybe someday you'll make someone passionate about your existence, but that'll never be me. Good riddance. I only say this with tender care and love. And only present to you the face that I show to everyone else as well, even if it happens to be an ugly one; hope you truly appreciate at least that.
They boil up inside
   unable to escape
I want to scream
   I want to run
      run from my emotions
         my feelings
I feel as if I am suppressing them
   but the problem is
      I have no problems
Everyone writes about
   loss
        love
              death
                      mourn­ing
That is my problem
   I have never
      lost
         loved
            no one has died
               or mourned of my own
That is it
   I am surrounded
      by those screaming for help
         those suffering heart ache
but I sit here
   thinking thoughts that are not my own
                   I want to scream

I have this bubble
   ready to burst,
I need to tell someone
   but what is there to tell...
I have nothing to say,
   no confession to make,
      no promise to break...
Just an overwhelming hole,
   a hole that gets bigger
      with every passing moment...
I feel depressed but about what?
   There is nothing wrong,
      no lover or broken heart,
         no loss, death or mourning...
                                                     ­    But if so why is there a hole...
Why can I write poems that speak of things beyond me....

I want to *scream...
Splintered memories of you
fracture into cracks of scattered longing.
Nothing will repair the broken view
a skewed by time.
Nothing returns to perfection.
The way you smiled, your brown eyes
the way your hair fell
flopped in your eyes.
Eyes that, if they saw me
they lied and shied away.
© JLB
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