No more bad thoughts its gota stop
Be positive and grateful for all I've got
No more mental breakdowns keep it together
I cant be mentally unstable for ever
Its the start of a new beginning today
I must block out the negative forces at play
I am a good person being psychotic is hard
I wont listen to voices when they start
A cognitive battle to commence to where my minds gone
To get away from the dark frame of mind I must refrain from
Not to believe the voices with words so unkind
Keep a healthy balanced state of mind
Thoughts manifesting madness will now be deterred
As out of control thinking makes conclusions absurd
I don’t cause trouble or speak out of turn
Past bouts of madness not reality, I must learn
Instead of suffering use it as a learning curve
Enjoy what comes from better times I deserve
Prove to myself how strong I can be
**** guessing how others perceive me
Demand what I want : tend to my every need
Positively will bring positive ways to succeed
I have the ability to forget how bad I have felt
I will receive more benefit from fate I am dealt
I must not feel I have to help anyone anymore
I come first others problems aren't mine to endure.

To brave to say goodbye to old
Its now time life will reward me with a new hello
I am only just starting a new and have far to go
Today is the day Now is the time
To take back the life that is rightfully mine
Don’t dwell, don’t think don’t hesitate
Find the positive from any past mistake
Better to of loved and lost to have memories of what was
And be grateful from all the things that ive got
Embrace the good tmes **** the bad
A new journeys in store and take what's to be had
My outlook is clear and I'm free from being confined
A weight has now lifted from a previous darkened mind
Be true to those that are true to me
Take heed from what is plain to see
Some people belong to stay in my past
Be with those that bring happiness that’ll last.
Don’t be soft, speak up allow true feelings known
Stand by what I believe and how I have grown
don’t allow kindness be taken for granted anymore
Learn from mistakes I have made before
I will not assume situations
Nor give into temptations
Strive to be the best I can be
Find the inner strength deep within me
Positive thinking brought positive results
I bounced back from my minds insults
Im free from the torture my mind endured
How bad I was truly seems absurd
Free to enjoy the future once more
Can use my mind for what its intended for
No paranoia stress free I now am
Honestly say I don’t give a dam
Can now deal with life ordinarily
Now I can appreciate freedom quite happily.

What I've become I really despise
My life compiled of deceit & lies
Empty words lacking truth
A deceptive nature stemmed from youth
No feelings of guilt nor remorse felt
Lying with ease not a moment dwelt
Exceptionally tangled web weaved
Ensuring stories are concise and believed
People see my potential which Will inevitably die
I will be the one in which all could rely
There's no spark left; the excitement’s gone
The first felt enthusiasm decreased to none
The more trust I obtain, the less praise I receive
I battle the instincts that want to deceive
Trust is earned and once this is reached ;
that gained trust will soon be breached
expectations not met; excused by deceit
I long for my recreational retreat.
I could say I am sorry but it is always lie
I cant be arsed anymore , why should I try.

When I sit alone and reminisce I constantly think of what I miss
The years have gone so quick somehow Memories of you,
so distant now Unanswered questions still linger on…. Why did you do it?
Why not confide in someone?
Why didn’t you tell us how bad it had gotten?
Did you think better off dead & forgotten?
I can’t begin to understand your mind-set that day
To make you believe there was no other way
One thing I can say you planned it so well
Happy as always from what folks could tell
The people you were close to and those that you knew
Fell in to shock, couldn’t believe it was true
You had been for drinks with your closest friends
Not one had an inkling that, that it was the end
On that day you went to the shop in the morning
You were seen as yourself, showing no sign of warning
On route to your death, you emptied rides of the money
I thought that was strange I thought it seemed funny
Maybe you planned to come home to us instead
And you realised that you were not better off dead
I thing I think of is how much anguish you were in at the time
And did understand what you were leaving behind…….?
I played the tape you left us behind I must of played it a hundred times
What you said about me, I need you to know
I never did hate you or thought you should go
I was at that age of loathing any rule
Hating restrictions that messed up ‘ what's cool’
I hate to think of you suffering so,
Tormented inside, filled up with woe
My hope is for you that your soul lives on free
And when its my time you will be waiting for me.

Your loyal and trustworthy; a true special kind Beautiful soul in spirit & mind
You are a person whom I can depend Thank you for being such a good friend
Thank you for being supportive & not giving up
You were persistent to pull me out of that rut
Your caring, sharing and so much like me…..
With the same points of view and personality
Being so concerned when I was so wrong
Im sorry I was unresponsive for so long
I cant face anyone when I’m enduring emotional hell
express what is wrong you dealt me well
No one has ever been there for me the way that you have
We’ve connected, sure now to have always have a laugh
I’m grateful for your persistence to ensure I was well
So Supportive you were caught me when I fell
Every person calls associates ‘friends’. They’re not…
When its a network of associates we’ve got
True friends only appear a few times during life
Strength being offered in times of trouble & strife
We have so much in common that makes me smile
Our friendship makes days of time now worth while.

How do you feel? Is a question I hate No point explaining; you cannot relate
I don’t want to talk I don’t want to share
You could be sincere I really don't care
What's on your mind? another **** line Easily avoided by saying I'm fine
If I told you, you’d regret you had asked
My inner thoughts are carefully masked
with good reason they’re not to be shared
I don’t feel the need for my soul to be bared
The fondness and affection which I always came to give,
Has now gone away, simply doesn’t exist,
My mind is now contained by a deep and heavy mist-
Cant concentrate on others, nothing more I have to give,
My troubles are now amplified as I proceed to live
I don’t feel the security of a family anymore
Despising my sister even worse than before
Sick of the pretence hiding what should be said
Her insight of real life coming from something she read
Dad is no longer with this world neither is my mother
Before, mum and I could always rely on one anotherI
fear the inner dark thoughts that remain from my losses
Morbidly aware we all bare our crosses
its all out of my control which evokes Hatred I feel
the explosion of uncontrollable feelings are real
fine line breaks quickly between  love and hate
am I now on the right path written in the hands of fate?
past relationships were fickle I falsely gave love to all
I've now  created a hard callous wall
scared I cant love and alone I feel intoxicated to mask what is real
Life teaches lessons that are not written anywhere
Choices decisions past mistakes we must bear
Endlessly trying to focus my attention to hope
Hope that I have reason to continue to cope.

I can inform, enlighten, give an idea
But cant explain how my reality can become so severe
Yes you know I hear voices and I never can feel safe
But you will never know truly what my mind can create
Nor will anyone comprehend what it is like..
To continuously hear voices all through the day and night
Derogatory commentary of every action I can make
Feeling I am being watched never giving me a break
The horrendous talk, accusations and schemes Assumptions conspiring
nothing ever as it seems
I often wonder how my mind can create such hateful things
Time and time again I am completely misunderstood
If only you were able to understand,  if only you could.