you were the kind of hope
that soothes an aching soul
just the sound of your name
makes my bones feel whole

maybe i never got the chance
to tell you

that the kindness you carry
so delicately on your shoulders
and the rooted rhythm of change
you’ve had to learn to dance to
has created waves of hope

maybe i didn’t tell you enough
that the love in your eyes
was exactly what
i didn’t know
i needed to
know

your l o v e
your goodness
a glass overfull

and it has over poured
into a soothing memory
a blanket of comfort
where i can find peace

so i snuggle into the loss
comforted by the knowing
that out there exists someone
as honest, as brave
as soul-shaking
as you

this alone has moved me
deeper into myself
a soothing to my soul
you’ve reflected
e v e r y t h i n g
i needed to see in me
and left me only with
tiny bruises
of what-ifs
the always wondering of
what we could have been

but these growing pains
are mine
i will kiss them
and sometimes
i will cry
i will fall asleep alone
to the rhythm of my own
heartbeat
to the peace of knowing
what comes
must sometimes go
___

the world keeps spinning
let it take what it must
to make room for
what will
b l o o m
with even more beauty
than any life experience
has yet to do

embrace all that has left you
stretch out in this new space
of self discovery
keep hope & be eager
for all that’s yet to
u n f o l d

You upset me so much
That I can't go to bed now
Without first
Cleaning the dishes
Instead of waiting until morning
Or I upset me so much
Whatever
Is there a difference?

Meet in my safe space
The only place to keep my promise
Or you meet me nowhere

That Ty could shred my confidence
Rip away my resonance
Tear me apart
Force me to depart
Make me feel like I'm back at the start
Of my emotional farce

But Infinity tells me
I don't have to begin again
I haven't lost my progress
Nor worn it thin
I'm still on my path of growth
I've broken no oaths

The only real change
Is no place where you and I can engage
Because in that space
Where you feel safe
I can no longer trace
I no longer feel safe

And I miss you terribly

When other women
Find the one
They are correct
But now that I found the one
I am wrong?

I was raised on self-hatred
Easily narc baited
So forget finding love
I don't deserve love
I don't deserve a partner
Try only for disaster
I don't deserve a child
Independence too wild
I deserve to rot alone
In my beautiful home
My entire **** life
Just another lonely night
I'm not going to the livestream
I'm killing this fake dream
I am just an idiot
I need to move on and get with it

Triggered
Self-blame and self-hatred
Now I am even farther behind
Then I was at step one
I'm destroyed
My ugliness is back
To consume me
To rip my soul to shreds
In all my disgusting
Lack of grace
I can't overcome this
I am too ugly
I am walking away
From the twin flame journey
But at least the troll who ruined me and I made up

When he pulls me
There is no where to go
No where to meet him
But I still like it