Overthinking is toxic
A torturous endeavor
To find all the pieces
That will solve the puzzle.

"What's wrong with you?"
I try to control my thoughts
Talk myself off the ledge
Convince myself it's unreasonable.

It's not rationale
Not based in facts
Because the facts are missing
Gaps in a story not communicated.

What cures overthinking?
Communication
Transparency
Honesty
Trust.

"What's wrong with me?"
Nothing.
I am simply searching
for the puzzle pieces
that you have decided to hide.

Awake for hours
Every night.
You are sound asleep
In your bed
Or not sleeping
In someone else's.

What is more important to you than me?
Everything.

She is confident in their relationship
Never questioning his feelings
Because he makes it clear
That she is loved.

She feels free to go about her day
Not wondering when she will see him
Because he makes plans in advance
To show that her time is valuable.

She knows what is going on with him
No secrets being hidden from her
Because he communicates
To involve her in his life.

She is comfortable with him
Never hesitating to share her feelings
Because he wants to understand
and make her happy.

She feels beautiful and ****
Never insecure about her body
Because she is a queen in his eyes
And he emphasizes her worth in his life
Every day.

Good morning honey!
...Good morning.
I love you!
....Have a great day.
I miss you!
...Are you going to dinner?
Yes but I miss you!
...Enjoy dinner.
I want you, handsome!
....Thanks.
I LOVE YOU!
....Silence.
[Crying inside]

Who is that woman?
You know...
The woman who enters your thoughts when you first open your eyes.
The one you want to share the details of your day and
You can't wait to hear about hers.
The woman that you want to know is safe at home at night.
You want her in your life because without her,
It feels like something is missing.
She is the woman you take on dates because
You are proud to be with her.
If you could tell her a hundred times a day that she is loved, it wouldn't feel like enough.
You crave her kiss, desire her touch
And want to keep her safe in your arms...
Forever.
Who is that woman?
Is it me?
I wish,
But no...
I'm not that woman.

I wish I felt like you really loved me.
I feel like you want to see me when you don’t have a better option.
I feel like you have a secret life that you don’t want to share with me.
I feel like you don’t care whether I stay or leave.
I feel like you are not attracted to me.
I feel like I’m doing everything to try to make this a “real” relationship.
I feel like you don’t have respect for me.
I feel like you are embarrassed to be seen with me.
I feel like I’m nothing special or different than the hundred relationships before me.
I feel needy and unwanted.
I feel like you don’t want to touch me.
I feel like you wish I would just be happy with a relationship on your terms and not have other needs.
I feel like all I’m going to get from sharing my feelings is the response, “smh” or "this again" so I keep it to myself.
I feel like you don’t really care about how I feel.
I feel like I’m almost done.