Hello good morning
Ugh tired

This morning follows mourning
But mourning came first..

So tired.. Feeling mired

Its like Mr. Sandman came to visit
To play
Whispering revisit it
Ponder it
Be broken by it
No respite

No.. Its impossible
It's not just me is it?

..Forget it

Hell, Oh right..
Time to drink coffee..

Then step into day's light..

I am my prison. Bars of failure upon bars of guilt. A cell of pain for a mind maimed.

Exposure to results of what I've built leaves me in paralysis frozen by my fears as I shed these tears. As if chosen by heart-hurt or forced against freewill to feel I am an inmate of fate..

My nights are long the nights are fights no light or insight alone in a blindside love killed at curbside I suffer inside where will I find home to buffer my hope I hate being alone don't let me be alone don't make me exist on my own a lonesome soul left unknown I gotta leave I need reprieve but where can I reside welcomed as I die inside?..

Stop the world let me off I didn't see this fate this pain this love this hate this gain these lies this me left alone insane its my life my bloodrain of heart down a drain above reality my soul lays slain..

My God..

Someone save me I rest to be my best as I fade into the past at last this is a hell turned worse a life cold-cursed to force me to try as my smiles grow old. But no Mom no Dad no pretty lullaby never was its a lie if I said I didn't wanna die.

I want my family back..
But it's impossible..

Help me..

I want to live as I fear to die..

I..

I have become a living lie...

I was a lost vessel in a decaying sea of glassened hearts.. only to see behind it to fields of flowers skyrain-silvered by dreams.. I am at peace within me.. Drifting at sea..

A mystery of a time when wonder was equivalent to joy, synonymous with the unspoken..

Mysteries abound all around I hear the sound of life unbound.. Liberated by freedom of thought, voice of mind.. I am unbroken.. Free and kind to see the past left behind..

My smiles have spoken.. The air smells of potential.. My hope existential.. To remind.. To cement the observable.. To loosen my view to ponder the unseen I see life gleam.. In dark nights a spark to bring together those apart.

Completed by these wonders.. This sound.. Weathered by time as water softens stone this life begins to end as it begins again over and over there, here, and then, oh so often..

A conveyed beauty, a portrayed scene of hope, wrought with shadows with love to fight the night to strive for light..

This vessel is within peace now..
Sunken at sea.. Among hearts of familiarity..

I am me..

This tragic.. Oh so beautiful..

Contradiction..

Time for a break from solitude. A venture into the face of cyclic duality once more. Dark to passion to light til dark.. Again and again there, here, and when.. A world of hope, holy and harrow. As if.. Existence itself breathes.. Til matter leaves.. Left in the Void of Ends.. Found then lost.. Lost then found by the end of the beginning.. The beginning of the end.. Void of End to Well of Existence.. Life itself in all shapes and forms again and again.. Eons of Eternity.. Eternities of Eons.. I reach to touch my creator.. But I cannot find them.. Deemed dominant this broken-heart human exists within himself with a heart of love confined inside his mind one who contemplates yet stands apart eyes warm and cold young but old.. Back to shelter.. Safe again to leave it behind.. In my solitary shell.. My void of solitude.. My home of mind..

I was happy. I was broken. I struggled through hell. Broken again. Found myself. I am happy. Memories sting..



But now I fly on silver wings..
Born of laughter-goldened hope..

I feel so close to the Pilot Poet who touched the face of God..

And you will never break me
You will never take me
You will fall before compassion
You will fail in spewing hate

You cannot break me

For I have been through hells unimaginable in only 25 years stalemating with my fears.. But conquered the worst ones that force-shed my tears

And I'm still here

I had to work for it..

So happy I wanna cry..

Try, try, and try again..

You will never steal my smile
Its strength unbreakable tempered by life's long miles..

So to find or create your own..

Focus on you.. You got this..

You are worth it..

Never.
Give.
Up.

Looked in the mirror. Into my own eyes. "Do I know you..? Do I.. Really know you?".. Hazel to steely gray.. My god.. Did I throw it all away?