Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Chris Jul 2019
9 to Five

No sleep, real talk, my years behind me daily on the hunt they stalk me into today throughout each passing tommorrow its left me bound by sorrow so be honest with yourself as you read these words as if they were bound by fate in a book of broken memories soul restrained sanity entertained by necessity for survival but my nights release facts, my hand guided by pen dispensing sound through words of lost years lived in fear as I write blind-sidingly haunted by my own sentiments living bound safe in lies to avoid my demise I see this in our eyes gotta get wise and reverse the clock its ticking counter-clockwise but still pressing foward dressing my soul for a journey toward Who, What, When, and Where so thanks for the thoughts but I've been Here and I been There the fabric of my life has suffered its share of tears as surely as any other smiling by day crying by night I wanna give up n' just whiteflag this fight but this fight is life so despite being sick fearful of strife..

I turn my eyes to the light. Blind me, bind me, find me, remind me..

That I too once could love..
But it fell apart..
Heart unbound I wanna scream but can make no sound..

Gotta face the light..

I gotta stop this fight..

I will live and do my best to give but on the last day whenever it may be..

I wonder..

Would I relive this life again as myself..?

...Or perish the thought?

Alarm clock, ticktock, guess living this way is considered "alive"..

Off I go..

To work my 9 to Five..
Chris Sep 2020
My country tis of thee
Land changed hatred free
Violence for the judged
Silence for the observer
Evil never budges
It changed kindness to brambles
Left my flag in shambles
We could pick up the pieces..

This is an american begging his populace to put an end to this..

We exist as broken as the lives that were stolen..

Too many are dead
We pray in our rooms
No cure no med

Tears upon the pillows of our beds

Ignorance
Arrogance
You've no heart to know
So apart we grow

My country tis of thee..

We are dying in this melting ***..
Such horrid heat, lost in thoughts

My country tis of thee..
We grow as we fade

I am not the only me
You stole yourself now we cannot be free

I beg you
Wake up

Hatred shut up

America grow up

This is not what veterans fought for..

Shame on you
Love a blue hue

Task of a saint
Heart of blue paint

People have tried but hearts have turned faint..
Aas
Chris Jan 2021
A normal day waking up

I fetch me a quick dose of a nation's situation

The television on as briefly as possible

Down my hallway, a shower, steeling myself

Applying my image to shield vulnerabilities

Briskly walking back through the hallway

Raising a ******* to a blank tv screen

So much pain..

Coffee or an energy drink?
Maybe ***** but I need to be able to think

Reaching like a tired Monster for a Redbull

I still can't escape by flying away..

Counter drawers, withdrawing a dose..

An antidepressant placebo

This land's status always makes it both though

Anyways..

Light of the new day looms
I'd love to just witness compassion

Yeah.. Its.. A normal day..

With a heart screaming silently
With a mind trained to suppress

Appearing as my best..

This stress..

When will it end..?

Lately I'm on autopilot

The stress feels like I'm a mess at best

Knowing I'm not alone in this.. 

It brings a slight comfort and a wave of hurt..

Times are changing and..
Its.. Heartbreaking..
Chris Mar 2021
The most luminous example of a fallen angel
An ignored history.. A need for attention..
We define The Humanity Problem globally..

Let me enter the mind of a killer
Let me learn from within the mind of a saint
I will calculate the sociology 
The norms killing our psychology 
With pad and pen as my everlasting friend..

I want to burn in hells 
I seek to bask in heavens

Show me the soul in my eyes
Weathering through a common storm..

People will find the real normal..
If they love themselves and help others..

It should be an oddity to erase normality 
And so it exists only as a common standard..
That is how I grew up..

What if we ended expectations?
What if we embraced change?
Compassion could be a global comeback..

There is a nature in duality..
Humans engraved into double-edged swords..

If we could create love and war..
We may be able to end our battles..
We could live with evidence and compassion..

Ending our need to be beautiful, better or rich

As an American.. I am built of guilt
I suffer..

I displayed kindness, love and compassion 
I valued evidence over assumption
Pointed out an economy of overconsumption

Only to be labeled as..

'Sheep'
'Idealistic'

So.. to my fellow kinsmen and women..

Open up a dictionary..

If I am a sheep..
We as a whole are not shephards..

Who do you look for to guide you?
Isn't America obviously lost?

We are defined as sheep by a globe called Earth

Currently? Like it or not.. They're right..

I am not powerful
I am weak

Despite the ego of America.. I am no sherpah..
I am no sheep..
I will never be a shephard..
I will only ever be me..
Think of you when at your happiest..
Revel in the lessons of how that was stolen..

It will be Hell..
I'll be blunt with that fact..

Want peace? Face it.
Face you. 
Deflate all of your ego.

We need to bring back who we were long ago..

We need to care and foster Hope..

Eradicate foolish hate..
Value intelligence and knowledge..

Divided we are destined to **** and die..

But.. United?
We could be a beacon of hope..

A beacon brighter than God, who we're under

An American Beauty..
That has shed her mistakes..

To let go..

Of her American Ego..
Chris Jul 2020
Live the light of your lie
I cannot accompany you
The truth would slowly die

I will live working towards light

I'd rather live through lessons

Even when they make me die a little..
Inside..

Than perish in the shadow I'd never see
In the light that would be blinding me
Haunting me as I yearn to be free

A part of me was that life often seen
Accompanying it could never be me
Is that really free?

It left its mark

Thusly I am apart

Working towards my light
The past to be nevermore

It rains sometimes
But the dark has its own light

It does dream
Of making it real

It does work

It can heal..

The face in the mirror..
Are you real?
Chris Aug 2019
I was a lost vessel in a decaying sea of glassened hearts.. only to see behind it to fields of flowers skyrain-silvered by dreams.. I am at peace within me.. Drifting at sea..

A mystery of a time when wonder was equivalent to joy, synonymous with the unspoken..

Mysteries abound all around I hear the sound of life unbound.. Liberated by freedom of thought, voice of mind.. I am unbroken.. Free and kind to see the past left behind..

My smiles have spoken.. The air smells of potential.. My hope existential.. To remind.. To cement the observable.. To loosen my view to ponder the unseen I see life gleam.. In dark nights a spark to bring together those apart.

Completed by these wonders.. This sound.. Weathered by time as water softens stone this life begins to end as it begins again over and over there, here, and then, oh so often..

A conveyed beauty, a portrayed scene of hope, wrought with shadows with love to fight the night to strive for light..

This vessel is within peace now..
Sunken at sea.. Among hearts of familiarity..

I am me..

This tragic.. Oh so beautiful..

Contradiction..
A poem for loss of childhood, loss of love, and finding oneself.
Chris Oct 2020
Appearances
The hope of judgement
The expressing of oneself a tool for sentiment
Judge not the appearance of the woman 
Nor the postured stature of any man

She never meant it
No money she had to end it
Then judgement was thrown against it
Her silence lives where pain went..
 
As she walked through a doctor's doors
You called her everything
Then a little bit more

As she lost what was dreams
Still hated ever more..
Forever scorned..

He was kind
Society is so blind
No one is born with baggies in hand
Money is torture, so he made a drug plan

Now take the father or mother
They simply fell ill
Yet even still verbally they abuse them
Hating them on a whim at your will..

Homeless after a career
A Mother
A Father
You created their fear
And on the streets humanity ends
Pain draws so near..

Looked at as bums..
Seriously?
My God ***?

This leaves me stunned
Anger of all gods we wrote into existence
Now only fuel for each instance of judgment
Harsh words in an instant
Devoid of raw substance

What have we done? 

Do you not see this?

We took love and kindness

Now they seem dead
I want to live freely..

As my heart burns in my head..

I think of good soldiers chock full of lead

What have we done?

We should have loved instead..
Look at them

Real lives
That have been rendered dead

A horror, tears on our pillows
Souls of weeping willows..

The unspoken thoughts that live in my head
Beg you to care instead..

Please learn love..
Kindness..

We can still make it
If we work hard at it, friend..

We can end up ahead
Speeding toward goodness

A lesson
Pain of the past

Light speed for light years.. Years long 
Tears fall strong..

I sing with words silent
Setting aside my hells inside..

Sometimes in life you just gotta move along..

Will you hear my song?

Because we have had this strength

...

Had it all along..
A few observations..
Chris Aug 2020
Cracked open the earth
Dust to the sky
The land felt alone

Mother nature penned a pleading
Knowing what we've been needing
Her advice never heeded
Her love so misunderstood

She wants to love and she would but..

'How could you have done this to me?'



Her words printed in matter across canvas
Love was all she was..

But no matter mattered
So now she has lit the canvas ablaze
Her heart a maze now
She feels betrayed
Canvas ablaze...
I'm amazed the earth is not razed

We took all she was
Left her to rot alone inside

She turns her gaze to life on her surface
She is dying now below and above
Inside and out
Irreparably harmed by those she loved

For the last time she tried to care
A split second only..
The result of existing lonely..

That was when the earth cracked
She has now unleashed her pain

As fire rose from a betrayed heart
Ash blanketed a broken beauty..

Covered in the darkness of her mind
She is going to leave us behind
Fury of millennia
A world of blood and septicemia

Those on her surface prayed to God
They were heard and ignored
He agreed with her
Because we did this to him too..

The pit named Hell exists on earth now
It was us that did this to her..

Have we no shame?
Or is it ignorance?

Either way..

We got what we deserved

Because even humans among humans..
Can be as heartless as a demon..

And as a whole..
We are killing our home



Just like wild animals gone extinct
Our hearts sink as fading begins
In a battle of violence or hate
No one wins

We just drown in our sins..

We can turn it around..
But..

8.4 billion people..

Technology advances
Never maturity

Some call me crazy..

Time will tell
World is hectic nowadays. It made me wonder. Earth is an object. But what if it was actually alive?
Put myself in her shoes for a few minutes.. This poem is how I feel the world may see humanity
Chris Aug 2020
Break my sky
Crash upon my silence
Winds of a chaos ridden story
Violence with pen in hand
Among the earthly struggle
I want your trouble

Send me rain
Wash away the pain
Insane to sane

We are the same, when noise turns silent
Fear grows, pain knows..

Words are daggers

I feel battered
Nothing mattered

Playing the fool
I was just a tool

It is for you I yearn
I swear.. I never learn

Rain begins to fall
Heart of pain
Changed to gain

I yearn still, desperate to learn

Lightning obliterates the darkness
Break my sky..

Thunder loud as hate heals scars of hearts
Break my sky..

Dark soundings of silence die
A broken sky..

It's ok..

I've no need for a sky to fly
It is broken but ended a lie

I still yearn for the sky
Time made me learn

But I can fly..
A part of me died..

Chasing the years of my life..
Chasing a new horizon

Due north
I crash through a shattered sky

I've died a thousand times
I give part of my heart in rhymes

In a world full of lies
Somehow hearts tie ties
Knots of hope in oceans of agony
We still survive..

It is for those willing to listen..
It is to help my heart stop fading

I spill my soul upon the page..

Because no matter where I go..

My pain builds my cage..
Chris Sep 2019
Am I the rain?
Am I the pain?
Am I one alone? Or one relatable?

Are we different? 
Are we the rainfall upon pain?

No..
I am the wandering heart..
The one apart.  Defeatable..
Paradoxical

The man who swore an oath to Hope..

So raise your glass..
Celebrate..
Let the fake smiles amass.

Open the floodgates of broken hearts where fleeting hope departs..

Hold me down.. drown me
Know me
See me

Let me wander..
For I am the rain..

I fall relentlessly..

Can you feel my heart?
Chris Feb 2020
Just a memory
Just a lie
The way they used me
Praying to die

Feigning smiles by day
Floodgates of a heart by night
Opened to keep one alive
Closed at dawn just to survive

I guess..
That's life..

Judged for negativity
Wear your mask

I can't wear mine
Can't walk your line

Life is naught but a task as of late..
Such is fate..

Still my choice I guess..
Its all a mess..

I will drown in rain to live
I will never weave lies to survive

So stay out of my cloud of rain

And smile to hide your pain
Chris Jul 2019
Simplicity of complexity
Complexity of a single sentiment
Poisoning my innocence morality of my own morphed into my detriment teeming with meanings so many..

All from a single sentiment
One idea or emotion

Even when its positive just so much commotion, we're hectic, we're normal, a beautiful mess, reeking of invisible duality

We are humanity

Confused for no reason complicated to contain more than one meaning..

Love or hate
Hate or fear
Happiness or lies
Truth leads so often to hollow eyes..

I miss older days as I age into this older haze, ignore me..

I can never meet your gaze..

Just another human..

Living day to day til end of days..
Chris Sep 2019
Don't give up
I won't say good luck..
I know you feel fed up

There is light
Just never without a fight to get there
But people care..

Many are simply just scared to say so..
But you must know so..

You are supported.. Don't give up
You've been heard.. Don't give up

Not one tear shed means nothing..
I want to give you something..

I want to tell you its ok..
Even as time fades away..
Life doesn't have to be this way..

So as tears fall..
Please know..

There is light..
I want to help you fight..

I won't say good luck..
You are not alone..
Don't suffer on your own..
There is light.

Don't give up..
Chris Jun 2019
Savor sorrow despite nights feeling forever as lessons need be learned. Favor feeling what is real.

Fallen apart we fickle hearts are within ourselves pride is the genesis of the mindset we set willingly as a sworn nemesis.. Fear not the maimed resolute mind of one who has built lives of love via selflessness til no resources remained..

Only know we have felt ourselves fall. Fought to lose it all..

Built stability to witness what we have made real fly through hells until pain of impact forces us off course.

Good intentions are the vessel of our pain soaring flawlessly but rushing to find happiness far too fast.. This wayward vessel of ours always crashes..

And burns to ashes..
Chris Jun 2020
Mirror mirror on the wall
A pretty image..
Still took a fall
Pictures on the walls
Images of them all
The family that was
The family that wasn't..

A pretty image..

Words unspoken
Perfect smiles unbroken on the broken

A pretty image..

The work of kindness
The constitution of dedicated hearts

But the world..
It broke them apart..
Images.. Memories of rain and love..
Pain when I look above..
Longing to be whole..

I live apart..
Apart.. A part.. Of what was a heart..

From a house that was a home..
Where a man dies alone..
In a home now only a house..
He is on his own..

Love fierce as a tiger's rage..
Another life.. Another page.
Rage has died..

Just a house where happy lived now..
With love faded.. Pain unabated..

Cries for help more feeble than the cries of a mouse..

This home.. This house..

This man..

A pretty image..

Mirror mirror on the wall.
Take your beauty..
Keep it..

I see through the lies now..

I will never look at you again..
Because I never hear a word..

I only see what you see..

And that..

Has left me blind..

A mirror shattered that night..
But the pictures frames turned down..

Display the love that was.. once again..
They are memories..
Can I be happy again?

I am not just a man with these dying dreams.. I want to turn to a bottle.. But I would drown in its sea..

Maybe even I can earn my right to heaven..
Maybe even I can be ok..

Maybe I can find me..

And stay him..

A pretty image thrown away.
A man who died dedicated to try again.
A bottle thrown away.

A past to temper the present.
A future to build.

I feel like I am erasing a person..
Or maybe..

I never drew him to life in the first place..
Chris May 2019
Can't sleep. Love and hate this silence. Give me a storm to drown in raindrops with. Falling asleep to lightning to drown out the dark..




But still.. with respect to it..


Leaving me with crashing thunder to dream with.. Feel with..

I'll embrace even a storm for comfort in preference to this silent pitch-cold hope-dark nothingness.
Chris Jul 2019
Time for a break from solitude. A venture into the face of cyclic duality once more. Dark to passion to light til dark.. Again and again there, here, and when.. A world of hope, holy and harrow. As if.. Existence itself breathes.. Til matter leaves.. Left in the Void of Ends.. Found then lost.. Lost then found by the end of the beginning.. The beginning of the end.. Void of End to Well of Existence.. Life itself in all shapes and forms again and again.. Eons of Eternity.. Eternities of Eons.. I reach to touch my creator.. But I cannot find them.. Deemed dominant this broken-heart human exists within himself with a heart of love confined inside his mind one who contemplates yet stands apart eyes warm and cold young but old.. Back to shelter.. Safe again to leave it behind.. In my solitary shell.. My void of solitude.. My home of mind..
Ha.. I think too much
Chris Feb 2020
Like a feather free to drift
They fall

Into pieces..
Stand tall

Pick up the fragmented memories
Electric energies
Nostalgic synergy
Painful comfort in me

The then and the now..

Buried deep..
Smiling..

Its a monster
An angel
My dreams..
My nightmares..

Lines of time draw invisible lines of age that prove I've become less and more at the same time..

No matter what
Through all ups and downs..

You are mine..

Hello, my close enemy..
Hello, my distant friend

Soothe and break me..
Mold and make me..

Hello.. Mirror..

Love.. And hate me..

Hello..
Chris Aug 2019
Hello good morning
Ugh tired

This morning follows mourning
But mourning came first..

So tired.. Feeling mired

Its like Mr. Sandman came to visit
To play
Whispering revisit it
Ponder it
Be broken by it
No respite

No.. Its impossible
It's not just me is it?

..Forget it

Hell, Oh right..
Time to drink coffee..

Then step into day's light..
Chris Mar 2021
We are solutions and sources..
Much like a strange sunlight..
We're odd with so many symptoms..
We may be falling apart..
We may feel powerless.. We are not..
We are who we are..
If we breathe, compassion is still immortal..

Only way to see truth is to not be part of it
All a lie needs to be real is acceptance
Our world is falling apart. Your money?
Its a lie that is killing us
We drown in economy, in overconsumption

You never take a big enough step back
You let history be an eternal truth
You never question validity..

Open up a history book
Our main problem is..

You actually do question validity..
But only do so in unified global dysfunction..

Without ever even noticing it..

Wars still exist
Conflict still persists

People seek to protect their family
Never knowing they contribute to crime
As a result.. I even lost mine..

Humanity is simple but..
Money creates our complications..

Humanity is killing itself
Just look out your window..
Or turn on a TV..

We're trying to survive the chaos we built..

Chaos is Hell yeah but.. It is not to blame..

Why do you focus only on its symptoms?
Trace the sources of negativity backwards..

Why do you bask in such a Strange Sunlight..?
Some rays real with some rays fake..

Your demeanor became a mask

I'm sorry but its just simply true

Next time you shed a tear..
Its directly due to an entire humanity in fear

The world is truly falling apart..

You never investigated the right question
This isn't an outcome of pure possibility
Because we slowly built it into a certainty

We never even knew..
There is no seeing now.. not anymore..
We may still be able to change it but..

Far too many only need to perceive a crime
To swiftly judge it..

Remember.. Symptoms and Source
Solve one.. the other will dissappear..

Now humanity is almost out of time..

I want to survive and I want to be happy..

But.. this chaos is a symptom..
Its source seems to remain unnoticed..
Or ignored due to being truly unpleasant..

Don't hate the messenger..

You should have expected this..

I should have too..
I think we made saints and sinners. I think we can choose one of the two. I think we can be better than both. I feel as if that would define beautiful. The world is heavy nowadays. It does not need to be.
Chris Dec 2020
Let me write
This is how I live

This is how I fight
This is how I stay alive

This is how I survive the nights

The world is terrifying..

I've no other way to be alright..
Chris Aug 2019
Take me home..

Silence in the sound
Rushing.. breakdown inbound
Don't seek my heart
Its guarded from love walls up strong

Because this heart was torn asunder It was so slowly ripped apart

Don't try, kiss a chance soon to be broken apart goodbye til your attempt's hope departs

Walls of love made of love to keep love away it hurts I'm now this way.

I'm not unique love's future is bleak..

People got a mean streak..
Such is fate.. Is it too late?

Sly to defy words are lies we lash from inside..

Real or fake does it matter?

I may lie to defy myself as you lie to defy yourself to not cry.. But look into the mirror..

Look into eyes, dark spotted lashes invisible sable cells of sorrow..

Do you regret you?
Or is it a memory you see?..

Such cold silence in life, its sound..

Take me home..
Chris Aug 2020
Yin and yang
Light and dark
Mind apart, unique in a lonely way
At least on most days..

I wore my heart on my sleeve..
This world and its selfish needs..

But now the moat is deep
The castle walls stand tall
The land around inclined steeply
The world left a mark deeply
Wounded intelligently, changed eternally

You may knock at the door of the fortress
But my heart cannot leave its throne

Its an irony this life..
Love can leave you on your own
Or heal the damage of being alone..

Love is feared and yearned for..
Get a little you want more

But lose it and then..

The castle beckons..
You take your place upon the throne
Battlements at the ready..

The castle is quite beautiful
Many try to visit
Cold shoulder of a closed door
Common sense a prerequisite

They built the castle
They live wondering why

Why none can open the door..
To venture into it
To have more..

Life goes on..

But the kingdom they made
This castle frozen in time..

It beckons as it fortifies

You can even see it in his eyes..
Chris Mar 2021
**** or a lie?
You're drowning in manipulation's waters
Fake your smile. Lie.
I know your nightly tears are a fact
One you can't deny
A fake smile is pointless
We all decieve nonetheless  
We're our own fatal mistake
Chris Mar 2020
Life is a journey

Love is enigmatic. A reason that can randomly appear before you to lead toward an end frantic. Manic in a panic love can sink you like Titanic.

Life has twists and turns so plan it.
Otherwise life can be pain on this planet.

Love has risk but can blind you. It can find you, heal you, break you, and teach you.

It can lift you to a heaven on earth.
It's a beauty and a curse so use common sense first..

You will break hearts. Maybe you have. Ripped out of you your heart can be broken. Maybe it is. But press forward and live.

To live is a gift. So don't die and live at the same time. Hope is power. Enigmatic.

A crucial reason to live when you feel frantic. A reason that can save you as if it was magic.

Life is a journey..
Chris Aug 2019
Apologetic, I prematurely meant it
Magnetic to pain, ironic ain't it?
Turned the car, I crashed

Yet it still functions..

Backup, U-turn, find a new lane
Gun this engine, speed to a junction

No left no right, straight through to any light, how do I function?

Still apologetic, this angel, this demon, this friend and foe, from heaven to hell I wreak havoc so hectic on me and I with my image, these lies, I exist as a living demise

Give me a soul paramedic from an era nostalgic, its denial, selflessly neglectic, this heart prosthetic, shoulda known it, fake smiles curtain call themselves to fall they are a facade of lies sourced from embarrassment, simple self-harrasment in a time gray-hued, undertoned in black I feel my heart, beating strong, fast, under attack..

Drive, just drive, drive and never stop
Foward forever..

Just drive..
Pretty sure "neglectic" isn't a real word. I feel special lol
Chris Aug 2019
I pass days by as days pass by as if time-frozen my body moves foward but the soul is downward bound. My heart still unfound.

This agony. This pain. This loneliness to hurt me slow..

Keep my head up? Yeah.. I know.. Its what I do best no need to put it to a test

They all say that but do they believe in that? Assaulted by the endurance of a long held lonely nothingness I realize this is my life.

Always shall fall my soul-hued paindrops in rhyme yet still in time my heartrain falls harder so much less visible..

I'm invisible..

I'm so invisible..

A leech of the smile. I preach self-denial. I want to escape from myself as I lose myself from within myself..

A far reach for hope feel like I'm hung by a rope
I knew I'd end up broken inside have been awhile

I prayed for happy but nope..
I prayed for family but have no hope

I live obligated to stay
While I hope for brighter days..

Its one day to many days again and again.. But when will this end after so many years? Its been nothing but tears..

I want to feel again..

Find my soul.
Make me real.
Chris Aug 2019
Make me numb..

Let me feel..
Is this real?

I can't heal or kneel
Just too tired to pray
Doesn't matter anyway

I'm those eyes in the mirror
A sadness denied

I'm messy hair in early morning
Before its combed into a lie

I'm invisible tears when the real ones run out..

Smiles forced into beautiful lies..

Cut open my darkened sky
Spill me miracles from above

Give and shield me from love..

Hysterical quietly.. I want to raze my past of sorrow

Spill forth a brighter morrow from this bleeding shatter-glass sky..

Make me into a bird..

My smiles and laughs..
Happiness implied..
But its just a lie..
Set me free..

Let me fly..
Chris Aug 2019
I am my prison. Bars of failure upon bars of guilt. A cell of pain for a mind maimed.

Exposure to results of what I've built leaves me in paralysis frozen by my fears as I shed these tears. As if chosen by heart-hurt or forced against freewill to feel I am an inmate of fate..

My nights are long the nights are fights no light or insight alone in a blindside love killed at curbside I suffer inside where will I find home to buffer my hope I hate being alone don't let me be alone don't make me exist on my own a lonesome soul left unknown I gotta leave I need reprieve but where can I reside welcomed as I die inside?..

Stop the world let me off I didn't see this fate this pain this love this hate this gain these lies this me left alone insane its my life my bloodrain of heart down a drain above reality my soul lays slain..

My God..

Someone save me I rest to be my best as I fade into the past at last this is a hell turned worse a life cold-cursed to force me to try as my smiles grow old. But no Mom no Dad no pretty lullaby never was its a lie if I said I didn't wanna die.

I want my family back..
But it's impossible..

Help me..

I want to live as I fear to die..

I..

I have become a living lie...
This was written about a month ago by me when I was in a deep depressed state. I have recovered and am well. I debated whether to post this poem or not.. But if it may help even one person feel less alone.. Maybe this was the right choice. If you are in pain. You are not alone. Always seek help if needed. Your life is always worth it
Chris Feb 2020
Shatter sadness
Embrace madness
Better than all this
When life runs amiss

Better than silence
Any sound to soothe this

Crack open a dark sky
Bring me to heaven

Save me from routine
Thunderclap my pain away

Lightning strike me and fade away
My heart now in play

******* away..

You lift me..

Don't let me fall..
Chris Jun 2020
When one falls
When one loses it all

Would you catch them..?
Yes..?

To help them soar?

Or to lift them high..
And throw them back down?

Life is so fast
I swear to God time blows away in the wind..
Its just so quick..

Sometimes it is the light
Even on the stillest nights..

Its there..
Then its gone..

If I only..
Could move so quickly..

That might be my home..
Rushing away..

Morning comes..
Never even knocks on the door..

Please..
Tell me there is more..

When I care..
It is a risk I bear..
Heart bare is the only way I get there..

What goes up..
It just far to often falls back down..

I feel like I live in the sky..
I feel free..

Forever me..

If only..
I could be Like the Wind..

Then I would truly be free..
Chris Nov 2019
A light-darked etching
A simple-minded fledgling
Sketchings in time life's testing

I am apart

Bravery to fight
Never to prove I am right..

Stalwart as a bulwark..

Stark with my heart..

I am rarely right.. I'm up every night

Never to prove I'm right.

But to prove sometimes.. You are wrong..

We all have moments
Seconds really..
Moments to cherish and moments to fear

All along right or wrong, wrong or right..

I know you're fed up as are many..

So fight

Seek and obtain enlightenment despite judgement..

Lockdown your light..

Make it yours..
Chris Nov 2019
Smile with tears, laugh with pain, this slow life-drain to drive me insane, ahead eyes shut, speed down any lane, to any home, any love, til floating up above or nothing.

Constricting is truth, Contradictive is success, leading to great appearances but in mirrors a mess, obsessed with escaping this life under duress, so stressed, at best, I'm like the rest..

Those alone with people in full surround..

Those nowhere-bound, winded up, stressed, and torn down..

I am the tears in the rain that crash dissonant, so loud, to wake you from the lies you live..

..Will you hear me...?
Chris Sep 2019
Poetry is the mediator
A tool of fate, A tool of description
A teller of fates, A saver of souls

It cannot grow old, nor shall it fade
It has a birth it can't remember
Its hard to see the lives its made
Because its seen alot
Been alot
Hurt alot..
Saved even more..

Its the way a poet or poetess survives the hurts of life

Those things called lies..

If I fall.. You will know
If you fall, know you are not alone

So stand tall..
Write truthfully

And we will never fade..

I am one of many who feels alone..

One who revels within words when on my own..

A poet or poetess can be broken
Burned, hurt and slayed
But still live in words, the heaven we made

Tick tock 9, 10, 11 its an hour til twelve..
Into myself I delve..
Open the notebook..
Close the doors.. Tick Tock Lock

30 minutes pass..

Half a lifetime til a new day..
How have nights become this way?

I remain awake to spill my heart
In hopes I will find peace

In hopes that my aching heart will cease before my soul is deceased

Vessel of hearts, Dreams built and broken
I wanted to remain silent
But my fire has awoken

My silent heart now speaks.. Of the chaos life can wreak.. Of the manipulation of the weak.. Of how my mouth hates truth I fear to speak..

For I am weak, among the meek..

So poetry for me will speak..
Until I find the happiness I seek..

I will love poetry.. My caretaker.. My dream..

My hate..

My love..
Chris Aug 2020
The loudest noise of the brightest room
Can carry away the view from you

But you must be you
To shine brighter..

Than any sound ever could bring you down

A lesson of years
Forged in tears
Gives me the years that remain

My life is my lane..

Tried shifting lanes
I tried shifting gears
I tried hiding from my fears
I grew my own pain..

It took the strength of my lifetime..
To be free of the world's mind..

Become an individual..
And be me..

I feel more free

As if I have unshackled a lock
That I couldn't see never was..

The lock existed..

But it took my heart..
To realize my captor forgot to secure me

I walk left and then right
Left and then right..

Like before..

But now free..

Pain can become fear
Fear can hurt you more than that pain

You exist in this world
By nature are bound to no one

Sometimes.. It just takes a little living

To set yourself free
To know you deserve more..

Life can make you breathe a little heavy..
Slow it down there..

Its ok..

You aren't the only one..

The truth is there is so much good in this world.. Sometimes.. You only need look..

"My darkness came from within me"

My heart was that only
My mind as well..

Or so I thought..

But it was never true..
And you can be you..

Should your will ever wane..
I've lived in hospitals..
Suffered in tears like the rain

But I let it go..
The pain..

Been to death's door and back
It was my own heart I attacked

But hey..
I really did make it back..

And you..

You are not alone.
Chris Dec 2020
"Man in his arrogance"
-Carl Sagan

--May you rest peacefully amongst the stars--

All we have destroyed..
Look at the skies..
Those stars..
Those dreams..
Those wonders..

Money and power
Splendor and valor
Music and our judgment

We do seem.. Paradoxical

Harmoniously dissonant
We were given ourselves..
By Nature or by God..
A gift of a chance..

Why do we draw lines?
Lines of paper copied from earth
Counties and countries

Simple foolishness

Earth is home
Keep it simple
Help it stay that

Your opinions matter
My opinions matter
It is our species

It is what we know now
All the meanings we create..

Humanity is insignificant
When sketching with the pride of ego

As we drew lines around beauty to claim it
We whittled ourselves down

We must not hate intelligence

We must view Humanity..

As the Moon did long ago..

A blue wonder's residents..
Miracles..

Free of lines
Free of our own abuse..

I am only words..
Love is my hidden explanation for respect
So I worry for her..

The moon..

I would see her tears
I would hold Earth's Moon's hand..
I would if I could..

She exists terrified
She would float away
She strains against our gravity

I cannot blame her..
We made life a fire in front of her

Yet still there is Hope..
We could build a floating heaven..
You are not bound to Hell
You can live

So live and forgive..

The stars are waiting for you..
Embrace your dreams
Make them yours..

We are us..
And us is all we have
Nothing is forever..

Life exists to be lived
Chris Feb 2020
Politically correct
Innocent lives in debt

Like knives to our hearts you are malevolent.
Talk up a moral storm you are extravagant.

Masks of benevolence you're held in reverence.

See the problem is some see through this to your core and its cold calculating wit.

See you for what you are

For God's sake I could pay my bills for a year with the same amount of money you used to buy your car.

You are an epitome of manipulation, a paramount form of deception, genius enough in presentation to appear caring as you wreak devastation on a nation stagnant in invisible, and emotional condemnation, forcing us to be focused on living with dimming and dying hope you are our annihilation.

Formal in wreaking havoc to life you appear politically correct but you are the pain of lies that leaves love slain. So much pain..

The rain of a soul beneath shattered eyes

The weavers of amoral demise

Your eyes lie when you make promises

Ours cry..

Promises.. Again?..

Promises.. So many promises..

Heartlessness, sicknesses, you did this.

You wrote this story, you damaged lives, led em' amiss then sadistically justified this, you are in bliss despite innocence that died from this over and over you punish our existence to profit shamelessly from it.


Heh.. Well then..

Tell me how you know pain. You use our lives for monetary gain. You are the reason we feel insane. The cause of broken heart's rain.

You feed the rich..

You thieve the poor.. And still you want more..

You are politicians.. So correct..

Despite millions of lives wrecked..

You still press on..

All to cash..

Your..

Oh so beloved..

Check...
Chris Jul 2019
Looked in the mirror. Into my own eyes. "Do I know you..? Do I.. Really know you?".. Hazel to steely gray.. My god.. Did I throw it all away?
Chris Jun 2019
Born with a true heart. Raised within love. Torn apart I find myself reachin to past the skys above. Drowned in love a bright visage turned cold 25 so young yet my image so shaken a fickle soul with time on my side but my eyes are my truth, my wisdom, and downfall my efforts boring, my trying old.. A downfall for all who look within me.. My facade will not hold..

Hatred within me for those thrown aside.. This earth in a process of a slow suicide you run to lies but what you truly despise is these mistruths in your eyes all mirrors comfort with these lies it's just a slow demise..

From yourself its so futile.. You cannot hide.. This is earth, humanity, and us. Mired in slow suicide.. We try to escape but we are our own fate..

You can never escape..

Submit and be you as love turns a gray hue.. I thought I was a saint as did you but hey, Mr. Devil guess we are just like you..

We are lonely, we are lost, the young hearts of hope torn asunder..

Born into this world as it all falls apart.. Hope so weak but I must push on..

Refresh on a killed heart..

Shattered..

Torn apart..
Chris Oct 2019
Shaken..

Inside me is a war
Between the love and hate
The dark and light
The right and wrong
Conflicted all along..

Heart apart
Parts of a puzzle

Parts of life..

Against my will the image in the mirror shatters..

The pieces burst forth in such slow motion..
Charged with emotion

Glassened memories float around me..
Truth surrounds me..

They flutter like rose petals free to fall
Fated to fade
Elated to be free..
Don't let them come back to me..

Hitting the ground the memories shatter into more fragments..

Of time..
Of fate
Of love
Of hate..

In rhyme I live liberated
In life I live smiling, trapped in the lies

But hazel green never lies..
In these eyes you will see an abyss..

Hope exists within this abyss to want back the people I miss..

But I warn you..

There is emptiness within this abyss..

If you stare beyond smiles.. Into the chasm..

It will look back into you..
Grayed and cold.. dead and old..

Haunting you and haunted by your warmth..

I walk the roads of life..
I walk.. And walk..
Until I find home..
I see lost hearts..

...You are not alone
..Let us walk together..
Chris Jun 2019
Poetry must rhyme.. We do it all the time. Felt restricted these sentiments in rhymes but in hearts no form exists to express the extent of the effect of time on a human mind confined.. Poetry must rhyme.. I can't feel alone anymore.. So not this time..

Its a bird!.. Its a plane!.. No.. its the sky falling while the world rises. Drinking coffee.. but why can't it be something else?

Oh yea.. No money no home in a world abundant with resources heh forgot about that..

Drinkin' coffee.. Need to do so..

Tonight drinking something a lil more tequila-ish..

Yeah I am running from my problems. You bet your existence I am.

Just look in a mirror before you judge. We all were happy once..

Its when you lose something beyond value you truly cherish that you begin to just.... change..

Money isn't my problem. Because I prioritize keepin' it flowin' I stop it from becoming one..

Its me thats the problem..

My nights are music and tears then sleep(if I am lucky)

I guess its realizing that I am not alone that hurts..

Always walls closing in on me. They are made of glass.. Yet somehow..

I remain so invisible.. Become colder.. As if Im becoming the very walls I feel like I am suffocating behind..

Someone.. Anyone..

Find my hopes and dreams.. Take aim at me with them as a sorrow-sharpened arrow..

And shatter me..

Poetry must rhyme.. I can't feel alone anymore.. So not this time.. The sorrow in mirror-reflected eyes is not only yours but mine.. And yes.. It tortures me.. All of the time..
Chris Feb 2021
Why does no one ask the darkness..
"Are you ok?"

Fools wander whilst being unmade..
They wonder where agony sleeps..

Within a Silent Mirror is genesis of pain..
Chris Oct 2019
Give me a starlit day
Wish the daylight away
Love the nights unchanged
My stress exchanged light into dark

Unchained, Uncontained
I am apart from the daylight but clear
Fighting loneliness for and from clarity not fear..

What a beautiful day here
Its just feels weird..

I don't belong here
Doesn't matter anyway I'm guided by stars..

Defined by scars

I revel in the peace of night..
I will be alright..

Sun-hued moonlight.. ❤
Chris Aug 2019
A spark..
A thought..

A simple thought while hearts wane..
Apart from personal gain..

We want it..

Even though it riddles us..
With bullets of pain..

So strong yet weak..
But never unseeked..

Cupid shoots billions so how in heaven can he miss so many?

And only hit millions?

I feel alone in being alone but I'm not alone feeling lonesome on my own unknown, unshown, hidden, unspoken, and never home..

And it rips me apart.. This truth of broken hearts..

This horrible fact.. This thought..

These people torn apart..
So scared to love again..

We can't even start..
Chris Mar 2020
If feelings are real why am I judged when I feel? Why is a heart only of value when its not tattered to shreds, battered and dead, lonely and cold my home is my bed.

Instead of wondering why I say what I said know I live alive but feel like I'm dead.

Having a heart is something of value, you say this yet still hearts torn apart walk on a line, on the left is appearance, the right a result of society's malfeasance. Left is for eyes. The right why hope dies.

I need my mom. I need my Dad.. I need back the family that I once had. Give me the love and give me the past. Help me live a life of hope truly unmasked. Task of a saint, heart of blue paint, people have tried but my heart has grown faint.

Agony inside, weight of the world, strength of steel, cruel and unreal.

This is damage you cannot heal. This is hope slain and then pain been made real. It's exposing my heart but that's how I feel.

Smiles can be the best lie.

We both know why.
Chris Aug 2020
I melted fear
Ice of the trapped
But that grew doubt
Hunter of smiles

I run but its smart
My heart will see the good
But my mind..

Will analyze you to shreds

Should my guard ever fall

Know you have a gift..

Its the task of a saint
Loving a heart of blue paint
People try but its hope feels so faint

So as I fall in endless rhyme
I still get back up with every line..

Knocked down reliably as air gives life

Becoming more human every time
Chris Jul 2019
In mirrors I see the child
In hearts I see steel walls
This child ran wild
Til loved ones had hopes fall
Til this one lost it all
Til he stayed alive
He tried to help them all...

But took the farthest fall of all..
Chris Aug 2020
Virgil led me to a dream
Into a nightmare I could change
It is truly strange

Duly noted, my ego, my urge
Seen and considered

Morality or less
My stress and this mess
Withered as the rest

Virgil had met one similar
Many journeys ago

I was never the man, never him
I even judged the lost
Karma makes ignorance pay a cost

This Hell I made..
Oh, how I have paid..

In the mirror stands Dante..
But I am not the man, never him

Like many I lived blind

Now..

The Circles carry me away..
But I never paid for my forgiveness

Will that be enough?
Chris Jun 2020
The fires within rage on
The cage weakening
The page in the book of this life..

It is a definition of the hell within its author..

I have walked roads of pain
I have gone insane
I have become my enemy

Closer to myself than any friend

I have turned into a soldier
A soul of one unsold
A story of experiences untold

I am a man of images
A man of molded culture molded til breaking

My heart cannot be seen..
And you are looking in all the wrong places..

My words are the carrier of my soul..
I live and love alone on my own..
Agony clearly shown..

I never grew up
Only donned the life expected of me

A divide created within me..

I feel as if I am a heaven and a hell..

But your world will never shatter me..

Break, yes.. But never shatter..
To live going forward seems best..

But the broken memories of a past so long gone..

They haunt..
They taunt..

Trying to be real again when they simply cannot..

Better to use them
Than be destroyed by them..

I guess this is life..
I guess its normal..
I guess its even human..

I know I will never feel ok with this way of living..

If only I could be like the rest..
Maybe I already am..

Chasing what's "best"....
While hoping for the truly best..

I am already like the rest..

Just couldn't see it..
Tough times...
Chris Jan 2020
I am terrified. Its a circle. A cycle. I ask for help. But still choose self-destruction. I hate to be alone yet alone is my most comfortable home.

I smile.. I am a facade..

The black hole for the kind. The nuke for the heartless. The failure who has grown hatred. The love who became hate.

The one left behind..

The man who wishes for escape..

But can never escape himself..

I am the battle within a shattered heart..

Torn asunder..

Ripped apart
Next page