I thought I heard ringing
From a familiar alarm
While happening upon your wounded,
though still beating heart

For I'll forever take pleasure
In removing their glass shards
Whether the stakes bless my favor
Or forsake my stars

You stood so firm
In the midst of chagrin
Like a Cheshire cat
Boldly tilting her chin

And I understand how
A blister under the skin
Can demand a cure for the itch
Of it's lingering burden

So I decided then and there
To invite you to a fantasy
Like your all-time favorite
Cherished childhood Disney

Where you could dance the night away
And laugh and sing, but
Also where the smile stays in your eyes
Most importantly

Little did I know
In the midst of all my plans
You'd reach right back
Searching to uncover my guarded stance

And through some kind of clandestine
Clairvoyant pretense
You hopped on the wall
Peering through my broken defense

Like blue orbs beaming
With no sign of retreating
I was paralyzed by your sunlight
I had no chance of defeating

Only beckoning, softly, and entreating
You pulled me in beneath the surface
Before the instant was fleeting

Somehow
You made me take a moment
To stop and think
How to draw a line
That's left behind
And for once remain succinct
Revitalize a pacified panic button
Without a necessary distinction

So best believe
When I say your name
(because I can't refrain)
You'll hear all about how it's adorned
With calligraphy from the memory
I'll retain
And smiling silently
(while showing my teeth)
I'll hope you feel the same
Until next we meet, Calisa Mae

Lucifer heard overtures
And melodic bells
Akin to the kind fine tuned
Whilst under angels' spells

They orchestrated a plan
Sinister and wicked
The task given Him
Once fallen from Heaven's thicket

For it had been blessed and ordained
An order
Sanctified
Justified
Maintained

He knows no malice
No sign of chagrin
Save the knowledge of this righteous Resolution

As the master plan begins
There was a ringing
Each time Seraphim did approach near
But his intention was devout
And distinctly clear

Singed within his heart
No torturous malady
But a signate of Hope
To His fixated reality

An answer to questions
Of destitude and control
With either road traveled
Consequences tend to fracture the soul

Each Piece of Eight
Broken from the Whole
To satisfy and quench
A clandestine mold

And because He's been told
Forsaken to behold
This is simply another story foretold

Little to wonder
With nothing to rally
When the Pieces fell in line
For the perfect finale.

I'm reaching with searching fingers Rewinding my present time
For some lost, lingering epiphany
I may have left behind
Desperately digging
For who I'll never be
Retrieving my sighing hands
Reminded that I'll find only Me

The remaining grains of sand
Slipping from my hand
I will lose myself
In the midst of my other plan
And I'll lose you too
For the clever ruse
Says you get what you see
But I was never pretending
Only presenting who I wanted to be

Loss is what I have come to know
I only fabricate schemes of finding home Stealing from other stories
With broad spectrums
And respectful categories
I can begin to see
Somewhere peaceful
Behind a clouded dream

I'm a parasitic husk
Reaching out
To devour and consume anyone
Foolish enough to exhume my past
And I fear that once I become sated here
There will remain no way back

I'm reaching with searching fingers Rewinding my present time
For some lost, lingering epiphany
I may have left behind
Desperately digging
To where I'll never be
Retrieving my sighing hands
Reminded that I'll find only Me

My friends
My possessions
My home
The life that I sacrificed
In search of redemption
Or to make sense
Of some unknown calling
All was wasted when I did not die

So now I can't stand
To be trapped in my skin
Let me forget that I'm here
Just for a single moment
Allow me to live
Vivaciously visualizing a daydream
Where all that I see isn't haunting me
With the broken tendrils of a lost reality Twisting and turning my righteous grief
Into the one I despise, a father of deceit.

Ever precarious
Always vicariously
The nefarious cycle fights to repeat
Through my sober
I'm still not safe
Now that the running is over
I'm still making martyrs
Trying to stake their claim
As if I have any idea
How to get back from Me
Once again

Remind me of how I'll find
The ninth circle of Hell
When departing this life
At the sound of a bell
The very notion
Of our lonesome memory
Robbing me of sleep
As a thief in the night
Steals my soul to keep

What began as an innocent felicity
Has now twisted itself in so many knots
To remain hidden and unseen
I can't believe
That I ever found reprieve
While bound by your eyes
It was all an obscene dream of schemes
And seemingly serene alibis

I've stopped eating
I'm growing feeble and weak
The surmounting toll of this life
Has reached its low peak
Realizing you were merely a fantasy
Entrenched in the deep
Out of reach

For now we share secrets that echo
Through a window with curtains drawn
Eventually I know you'll let go
Because I said so
When everything else is gone

Remind me of how I'll find
The ninth circle of Hell
When departing this life
At the sound of a bell
The very notion
Of my lonesome memory
Robbing me of sleep
As a thief in the night
Steals my soul to keep

Love and Fear

Are tender devotions
They lose momentum
Relenting to stay in motion
Like trying to capture cavitations
Lost in an ocean
With a camera out of focus
Hoping no one is knowing

If left unattended

They become relentless
Measuring up
To everything and everyone

If lead astray

They stand unafraid
Demanding they're defended
By anything and anyone

If unanswered

They feel resented
As if guilty of treachery
Left unsentenced

Keeping still my heartbeat
Just to stay alive
I'm sorry that I lied
I'm sorry that I died
Before you happened by
My demons lay at night
Before you came along
I wouldn't even try
I wouldn't even try

Take me down to the breaking point
Where I soften and forget
All about disappointing you
Or what could be misconstrued
Disestablished, or casually deflected

For still I watch helplessly
As camoflauge intercepts my language
I can hide and be strange
Or pleasant and fake
But it doesn't make us any less estranged
Yet when I'm pretending
There's no mending my mistakes
Because they break us
Like a fault line when the earth quakes

When the message you're sending
Is much too diplomatic
I need to feel the pressure rising
I need a triumph of humanity
Static rolling through my fingers
Charging my frozen feet as I linger
On those last choice words of yours
Retorting lightning fire out of my mouth
My ears still ringing
From the weight of their impact

Keeping still my heartbeat
Just to feel alive
I'm sorry if I lied
I'm sorry that I died
Before you happened by
My demons lay at night
Before you came along
I wouldn't even try
I wouldn't even try

I can be so condescending
Like my response to your questions
Are forever pending
Another moment in time
But I can't pretend
Like I'm some mysterious riddle
I try to be clear and keep things civil
I try to disappear
Only with me in the middle
My broken heart is simple
Which makes me a criminal

It's never enough
I'm sorry that's too much
Stealing my serene
Leaving me unclean
And never free
Deceit ultimately leaving me
To my heart's lonesome conceit

Keeping still my heartbeat
Just to stay alive
I'm sorry that I lied
I'm sorry if I died
Before you happened by
My demons lay at night
Before you came along
I wouldn't even try
I wouldn't even try

You are not coming home
You're only visiting mine
The path I've carved to the bone
With my blood and sweat
When you left me behind

We're expecting connections
From two dead cells
Yet there's not a flickering light
No prospective spark to find

I want the best of both worlds
Knowing I've driven you away
While coping with the anger and confusion That leads me astray

I don't need restitution.
I don't seek retribution.
Here I see no resolution.
Let there be no delusion.

Perhaps there's a part of me
That will always care
About what you think or how you feel
But honestly it's hard for me to be real
When the wounds never mutually heal

My heart is repealed
Until your story's revealed
Maybe when Hell freezes over
Or pigs grow wings and fly
Suffice to say

I've grown older
Fulfilled in my own ways
Chasing epiphanies and revolutions
I've become colder
Concealed in my own space
Now I've found the ideal solution

Simply (smile)
Give you an illusion

The one who fights for a righteous cause
Will expose to sight all uncouth flaws