my rough hands and shaky touch could never quite bring to life the beautiful art that danced in my head. I learned to look for art instead and that's why I could never quite keep my eyes off of you.

my life was filled with glue bottles and tape,
always making sure that I stayed in one piece.
the rain slowly crept into the leaks,
and I am not okay*

you are the thunderstorm. your voice fills my ears
and I can no longer hear anything but you.

your hand is the lightning that strikes me
and also rubs my back until I fall asleep.
the rain is entirely you. you slowly found your way in
and washed away the glue and picked off the tape
piece by piece.

now I lay in the thunderstorm outside begging to be touched
by the lightning.
*I crave the thunder in my ears and I pray the rain
will drown me once more.

I don't even remember letting you in but suddenly you were everywhere.
I found myself running through the woods with you late at night. I should have ran faster.
I should have run as fast as I could and never looked back. it wouldn't have hurt so bad.
I found myself drunk on the smell of you and searching for the smell of the inside of your car.
there's nothing quite like that.
I found myself replaying our moments over in my head slowly at first to catch all the details,
then again as fast as they had happened.
my head spun faster and faster and i thought it might **** me.
it wouldn't quite **** me in the way you did when you left.

there's nights I wake drenched in sweat. you stood over me in my sleep.
first kissing my lips slowly.
your mouth moves down over my body, when you reach my chest you stop.
you rip my lungs from me.
my chest fills with fire.
I can only breathe when you lean in close to kiss me again.
each time you press your lips to my body I scream out in pain.
you are toxic and I never noticed.
the dream doesn't hurt quite as bad as the night you left me.