Whether its because of your body,
your weight,
your "friends",
the way you dress,
your sexuality,
your family ,
or your surroundings...
You've asked to read this poem for a reason and that one reason is suicidal thoughts.
Well let me ask and tell you a few things before you lift up that blade, before you go searching through the strongest pills you can find, and before you tie a knot in that rope.
Don't.
You have so much to live for!
Think of at least one special person in your mind.
Got one?
Okay.
They mean a lot to you, right? 
Imagine how they would feel.
Imagine if one day they thought
"hey why don't I check up on him/her?"
Then walked into your house and seen you lying there, pulseless with a note laid next to you.
Maybe that would make them do the same, maybe it would make them follow in your footsteps and go straight after you, just so they don't have to go through the misery of knowing they will never see you again for as long as they live. 
Maybe they won't take there lives,
but maybe they could be close.
Maybe they could start off self harming,
then stop eating and then start to have sleepless nights,
and if they did sleep,
they'd cry for hours beforehand,
draining themselves out in order to sleep. 
What would your parents think?
What if they weren't the reason you did it and they thought they were the main cause. 
What if they couldn't take it and they split up and messed up the whole family?
What if your friends and family were still alive but their lives were filled with nothing but despair and each and every one of them felt like their souls were ripped from them the moment you left, like they weren't really alive at all?
That would make you sad, right?
Well what if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Maybe for some people they're the only person there for you through this rough patch,
am I right?
Well how do you think they would feel?
After fighting with you through all of these deep and dark days and then all of a sudden you gave up without warning. Not only giving up on yourself but on them too. Maybe they don't feel exactly what you feel, or have the same depressing thoughts as you, but it's sure as hell just as soul destroying i'm sure.

Look at your body.
You think it's disgusting don't you?
Well it's not.
I'm positive that it's not.
Because male or female,
you're all beautiful in your own way.
I'm pretty sure I know at least one person who would **** to have your body and would be more than happy to show it to the world :)

See those scars?
Of course you do.
You look at them every day and it makes you want to cut more and more every time you look.
But you don't need to feel that way.
All those scars mean is that you're a tiger who has earned their stripes,
it shows that's you're strong and even though you may have wanted to burst that vein yesterday, you're still here
And those scars you made yesterday are an applause. An applause from us all that you never made it up there and you're still with us.
You may not be happy,
but that will change.

No this isn't in a style of a poem,
it's more of a cry for help.
Little do you know that reading all of your posts and for some people,
reading your thoughts and looking through pictures you've sent me hurts me so bad.
And I'm begging for it all to stop for you all.
I'm not going to say "I'm begging for you to stop", because I know how hard that is for you and you can't just you know...
Stop.
I know that.
So I'm going to help you.
For whoever feels like they're alone in this you're wrong,
that's all going to stop here.
I may only seem like some girl that just wants to help.
And maybe I am to a lot of you,
but some of you know that not only do I WANT to help,
but I CAN help.
Believe it or not, to some people I have made a difference in their lives and the things I have said to them have made an impact on them.
No matter how big or small...
I'm here for you.
You don't have to feel scared or alone anymore.

This is one of the many poems I will be writing,
this one,
as you will know,
covers body issues, scars and the affects on others due to suicide. 
Before you take your life,
Just stop,
Just think,
If this really worth it?
Am I going to let this monster take over me and win?

.......


That was a trick question, of course you're not. You're not giving in that easily.
You're worth so much more than that.
To at least someone,
you mean everything.
Don't let go, it's too soon. 
Listen here,
Im not judging you.
Im not judging on your past or present and i'm not planning on judging you in your future either (yes, you will have a future)
Just remember,
I care.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel and i'm willing to help each and every one of you find it.
I love you all, never forget.

For all of these years many girls have been waiting for a boy best friend.
Someone who they can tell everything to,
Someone who they can talk about anything to,
Someone who's always going to be there for them,
To make them laugh,
To mend their broken hearts when they've been crushed ,
To support them,
To have movie nights,
To call each other every night and talk about how she is in love with his best friend
To get drunk together and lean on each other walking home
To skip school together and go on adventures in the fields
To buy countless cans of energy drinks and get hyper together
To go on long walks engaging in conversation about how he likes someone else
To have that one dance together at prom, her in her dress, him in his suit
Seems like the perfect friendship, right?
Listen...

But then there's the down side,
The side that she doesn't see
The side that screams at the top of it's lungs yet she's still blind to it
He loves her
He never stops thinking about her
She's his first thought the moment he awakens and the last thought before he sleeps
She's the reason the still wakes up every morning
She's the reason he never stops smiling
She's the only reason his heart still beats.
Every time she talks about him his heart sinks yet his face still holds a smile...
If only he knew she felt the same
If only he knew how he's the only reason her heart still beats
He's the only reason she never stops smiling
He's the reason she still wakes up every morning
He's the first thought the moment she awakens and the last thought before she sleeps
She never stops thinking about him...
*She loves him.

Your eyes,
Your lips,
Your touch,
I want it all,
I want you.

Your stare,
Your smile,
Your hugs,
Everything.

Your kiss,
Your scent
Your voice,
Stop teasing me,

I want you,
I want it all,
Your hair,
Your skin...
*Your heart.

I don't need you,
You don't flatter me,
You just fill me up and you'll sooner batter me,
You don't help me,
You cause me to lose my confidence,
I just want those high cheekbones and their prominence

I just want to be thin,
Just like all of those supermodels,
As thin as them all,
I want to look porcelain, pale and beautiful
Exactly like Felice Fawn.


"You don't need to be skinny to be pretty"
Don't listen to them, be skinny
Be strong,
Be thin,
Say no
to food
and
*win.

I love you.
Body,
Mind,
Heart,
And soul.

It's like laying in a bed of thorns, wrapped up in a blanket of insults and put downs that dig just as deep as those thorns would, feeling every pinch of the very tip of them lay themselves into you as you toss and turn, trying to escape the sharp and piercing life that you live in. The feeling of your stomach pulsating, echoes like a heartbeat through your battered veins as your devastating way of life leaks through into your dreams... Your nightmares.

It's like falling into a deep, dark hole, without a sense of hearing or being able to touch and feel things. Like losing your voice and you are shouting at the top of your lungs and no one can hear.

Frustration

Like you've been deafened by your own isolation. Like you can't feel anything around you but the stabbing sensation of pain, anger, loneliness and the bitter words that are thrown at your weak heart.

It's like being kicked and kicked and kicked until you're all the way down, all the way to the cold, hard ground. Your delicate and dried skin beaten and bruised, the imprints of the left memories of your torment...

Back to the start, back to the very beginning when you vaguely remember when you were actually happy. When you smiled. And when that smile rocked his world. And now you're nothing, nothing but a drowned rat lying dead on the bed of a gutter. Drinking only rainfall to prevent severe dehydration. The only excitement brought to you seems to be the sharp, rushed feeling you get when you pull out that same razor blade from your ripped pocket and draw that coppery smelling substance we call blood from your already shredded wrists. That razor blade, the only thing closest to a bestfriend, it's helped to get out all of your anger and helped you to feel the true pain of your wrongs and mistakes. The pain from the blade, managing to take over the thoughts and excruciating pain from the spine shivering cold paving stones, what seems like they are scraping of off your hip bones. That razor blade, slowly taking away all of the other possible pain that may be caused throughout the taunting night.

It's like you're dead, lifeless, like you don't even matter or exist at all...
Like a little girl in a world of violence, alone and scarred by society, full of what feels like you're drowning in a river of anxiety. 

*Its like theres just nothing left to fight for.

The feeling of your slightly unsteady heartbeat against my chest
makes me feel as though you're actually mine.
Like every single part of you belongs to me.
The soft touch of your vibrantly glowing skin
brushing against mine makes butterflies flutter in my stomach,
like a whole new world of excitement,  
it makes me feel like I can't breathe and my whole universe is spinning.
When our lips stroke, tiny sparks shoot up my body and blow my mind,
causing me to close my tired eyes and cherish every moment.
When we kiss I feel the corners of your  mouth curl up into a beautiful smile,
as beautiful as a ray of sunlight on sun kissed skin that shimmers.
Every time you look at me my heart pounds out of my chest,
destined to be close to you.
Every time you look at me with those astounding,
incredible eyes I feel like I'm a part of you,
like you're a part of me.
Your seductive scent lingers on your clothing as our bodies press when we hug,
releasing a whole new drug that I crave...
You.
Our hands clasped,
Our eyes locked,
*I think that you'll find...
forever we are entwined.

To daddy, I was a baby,first held in my mothers arms... Well they saved the best till last.
My father, you, my protector.
You're my back bone, my heart, my soul, my favourite person in the world.
My only source of strength, my core.
You're the reason I come home from school and smile, the reason I wake up wanting to start the day.
Knowing someone like you is in my life makes my day so much happier so much more bright and vibrant.
You make my winters feel like summers, Friday 13th feel like Christmas.
There is no need for Christmas when you're around, you alone brings joy,happiness and a gift... Yourself.

Whenever I have a problem or if I'm upset, you're the first person to be concerned, the first person willing the do anything for my happiness.
I think you're absolutely incredible and there's no one else in the world I'd rather have to be my dad, you're perfectly fit for the role.
With your slight temper and stressful ways, you manage to get your way through life without any worries and things that get you down.
On your bad days I just want you to sit and remember that no matter what happens,I will love you and I will care for you till the day I die.

Even with your childish jokes and playful ways I can still see through that immature wall and I see all the way to your caring and mature side, the side that is always there, the side you need to be a father. Thoughtful but caring, protective but gentle.
I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me and I don't know what I'd without you,
I'd be destroyed without you, you're my everything dad.
I love you

So there's this guy...*

Long-brown hair,
Hair that makes my heart flutter when he flips it,
With cute  little flicks at the side,

His eyes,
Green as emeralds,
So green they could become a whole world of emeralds...
A whole universe of them.
...
A smile to die for,
A smile that makes my insides feel like butter,
Like its melting inside me,
Like I'm melting along with it.
Teeth so white they could blind me,
Smile lines so exquisite and flattering,
Lips so luscious and soft looking,
Blood red.

A voice so musky it causes shivers up my body and goosebumps on my skin,
A scent so **** it weakens me to the knees,
A man so kind and loyal...
I couldn't possibly deserve someone like him.

Dear Anonymous, 
I'm writing to let you know how you make me feel and how each and every part of you affects me...

Starting with your deep and intriguing eyes..
I love  your eyes,
they're so brown and gentle,
they indulge me,
they're so mysterious and seductive.
They make me feel like I'm lost in you,
lost in them.

Your lips,
they are so soft and delicate,
they tempt me,
they stimulate all of my senses,
making me go weak at the knees. 

Your kiss,
I yield to the soft sensation of it,
it gives me a numb feeling,
like I can't feel anything but you and your touch.

Your smile,
It's so sweet and seductive,
The dimples in it melt my heart and sweeten it. Your teeth are bright and white,
shining through to my beating heart that pounds only for you.

You make me feel warm inside, 
Like i'm trapped in a world of warmth and kindness, in a world of love and mystery,
A world of feeling like I mean something,
like I mean something to someone else.

You make me feel like nothing else matters,
like when I walk down the corridors the world stops and I'm blind to everything else, the only person I see is you...

The only person I ever see is you.
The only thing my heart beats for is you.
The only feeling that ever strikes me is from you...

*The Only Person I'll Ever Want Is You.

This is a pocket watch,
But not just any old pocket watch,
This pocket watch is detrimental,
A ticking time bomb,
When is it time to stop?

It was my great-grandfathers when he was young,
Ticking for 60 years,
Tick, tock, tick,
When is it going to stop?

The guilt of my past echo's into my system.

It lay there,
Looking into my room,
Staring straight through the window and into the world,
Staring straight into heaven,
Doing nothing but gathering dust...

Or so it seems,

Back then, to realise I was too low,
Now it came back to hurt me just to show, 

This was a looking glass into our world's...
His great-grandchildren's world's...

So, this pocket watch was like a camera,
A spy?
It was a pocket watch in disguise of my great-grandfathers eye?

I always knew he was a man of great mystery,
A man of great pride,
A man with a pocket watch,
This pocket was was surely my grandfather's old man's guide.

It wasn't used only for time,
And not only to make him look wise,
But because it helped him to see into my future,
With his grey and clear, open eyes.

He's witnessed my life now, 
He's seen my past,
So how long is this all going to last?
Now that you've seen me,
Now that you know my life is only full on fun,
I think it's time for you to rest now,
Your work here is done.

*I love you my great-grandad,
Forever and always.

April 14th 2002 - 15 years old

You think it's *funny,
You think it's cool,
You think you make all the girls drool,

You're cocky,
You're a *****,
How many times do you wanna ask "**** my ****?"

You think you're hard,
You think you're smart,
You think you can rip through me like a dart...

April 14th 2012 - 25 years old

Now that we're older,
Now that we're wise...
I still hate,
I still despise,

Looking straight through those  bitter-sweet eyes...

You looked like heaven,
You were just like a toy,
You were everyone's little,big,bad boy,

You were nasty,
You were mean,
But you were never every girls teenage dream.

Now that you want me,
Now that you're nice,
You made me fall too hard,treat me like your sacrifice,

I don't even like you,
I don't even care,
Get out of my face before I start to swear,

You ain't funny,
Nor are you cool,
Nor did you make ANY girl drool.

Chloe - 15 years of age
It all started when I knew I was eating too much 
I was getting heavier
I started to get closer to the 9st mark
I now have to buy size 12 jeans... 
fasting alone just wasn't working
It just wasn't enough 
So I gave in
And I ate
I ate loads 
I was beginning to binge..
Then after I'd stuffed myself with so much food 
I'd go into the bathroom 
I'd get a glass of water ready 
And grab hold of my toothbrush 
I'd begin to rub it onto the back of my throat
Before quickly bringing up all of my food
All of those calories pouring out of my body
Drinking glasses upon glasses of water
Then sharply stopping due to lack of breath
I stand there panting 
It felt amazing
I'm getting thinner 

I told my boyfriend
He didn't understand at first
But now he does
Now he knows that if I could stop I would
He knows that if I could physically stomach any solids
Or even liquids other that water that slide down my throat,
I would.
But now It's happening
And I can't help it
I can't change it
I have a disorder.
It's killing me
It's eating me away...

But I worship models
I worship fasting
I worship the feeling that I get when I throw it all up
But most of all,
I idolise Thinspo

I can still remember the day before it happened,
We all crowded around the hospital bedside
But it wasn't a sad moment
You were happy,
We were happy,
Even though you were weak,
You managed to seem so strong,
Everytime your eyes would close,
You'd whisper
"I'm going to rest my eyes now..."
You were slowly being taken away from us.
A day later, you passed away,
The whole day and night was silent,
Not a word slipped our mouths
We never once asked what was going through our minds
We all you know you were running through it
Running through from this open and oyster of a world
To the heavens, somewhere you can be free of pain.
For months on end your scent drifted through your house,
And the smell of toast swam through our house for weeks...
Was it you, Where you still here?

And now, 3 years later we're here and moving on
You're still in our hearts
And you always will be
I'm doing well at school now, i've just applied for Head Girl, Deputy Head Girl and Senior Prefect granda,
I've never been so nervous
I did it for you Granda
I hope you're proud of me...
I love you <3

"I still look for your face in the crowd, oh if you could see me now
would you stand in disgrace or take a bow, oh if you could see me now"

My life?
It's a bumpy road I guess,
I have my ups and downs.
But, then I get the times where I fall down and crash so hard,
That it's almost impossible to get back up,
Everything always seems so dark,
And it feels like there isn't going to be any source of light for some time,
Any time...

The sleepless nights,
The hollow, sentimental emotion,
The constant feeling of not belonging,
Or not wanting to be here,
Stabs me straight in the heart,
Making all of the happiness that I had in myself disappear,
Like it never even mattered and it wasn't supposed to be there.
Like I wasn't born to be happy.

It affects me so much that sometimes i question why I'm here,
And it worries me,
Because  if I want to do something, ill do it.
What if I have suicidal thoughts?
What If they ***** me over and tell me that I want to **** myself?
And I'm scared that it'll come to that...

This feeling isn't a phase, it digs into me a little further every day,
It's so deep into me that it feels like my life is depression,
Like I was born with it,
Like I've had a disability from the start.

What if I hit rock bottom again?
What if i get hit it so hard I summon up the courage to **** this feeling,
To **** myself?
*... What if?

I love the way you tell me that I’m beautiful, 
and the way you make me laugh like no one else. 
I love the way you move the hair away
from my eyes, and then kiss me on my head. 
I love the way  you hold me
and slowly place arms around my waist as we watch movies together and feel each and every heart beat.
I love the way you'd sing to me at random moments, 
and look at me and smile. 
I love the way you leave the smell of your scent on my clothes after we hug. 
I love the way you would send me a picture of a funny face..
along with an " I love you' message shortly afterwards.
I love the way you speak your mind and tell me about your opinions. 
I love the way you're not afraid to speak out and show your feelings. 
I love the way you text me in the middle of the day just to ask how I am
and say how much you love me. 
I love the way you talk to your friends, look back and smile at me when you do. 
I love the way your words seem to whisper into my head,
the way your voice sounds so close to me. 
it feels like I’m dreaming. 
I love the way you do all of these and the fact that you're not ashamed to do it. 
I love the way you treat me, 
and I'm glad to be yours...

I need him,
I wish I could see him everyday.
I smiled properly for the first time in days when I was with him earlier,
until my mood was swiftly spoilt...
But I think he'll find it clingy.
I think that he'll find seeing me every day pretty stupid,
But I just want to feel loved and happy,
y'know?
After a long hard day of having 'what's wrong?' 'what's up, Chloe?'
'are you okay?'
and having to answer the same thing
'nothing, I'm fine'
when I really feel like I want to literally die.
He doesn't realise how weak I actually am, especially without him.

Broken Hearts,
They lurk in the night,
The deep,deep night,
Waiting for someone,
Someone who's weak and easy to target,
Someone with a heart,
A beating  pulse,
A one, true love,
Warm blooded and breathing.

Eyes alert and flickering,
Flickering around this desolate town,
Searching for trouble,
For danger, 
For somewhere to invade.
Someone to invade...

Me.

A broken hearted girl.

It was like a force,
Something telling me to pull open that drawer,
Telling me that thing inside it,
Was something I needed.
A craving.

A sudden shoot of adrenalin darted through my body,
"I want this", I whispered.
A needle was pulled out of the drawer...
Then it stood,hovering over my weak arm,
"Come on,you can do this.", I reassured myself.

It plummeted into my forearm,
I could feel it travelling deeper and deeper,
Sure it hurt, but I deserved it.
The pain circled my arm causing me to feel drowsy,

I pulled it out...

The tonic of the vampires' liquid climbed its way out of my flesh,
The coppery smell of it drifted under my nose,
Causing me to roll my eyes back,
I laid there lifeless,
Thinking of all the senses it stimulated
It tasted like salt,
Like a bitter sweet candy land in my mouth.

**I was an addict to my own blood.

The sweet silence of the suddenly subtle atmosphere steadies my heartbeat,
The tender muscle of his heart beats into the cup of my left hand as I lay next to him,
His Eyes, glassy and calm,
His Hair, tousled and soft,

The heavenly smell of his sultry scent begins to drift under my nose,
Causing my eyes to spring open,
and look deep into his beautiful ocean blue eyes,
Then, parting my lips slightly, I  lean in towards him,
yielding to the soft strength of his kiss, that is engulfing me,
gaining in strength until i find myself wrapped up in him,
body,
heart,
and soul.

Leaving his luscious lips,
We both lay slouched down against the headboard of my brown leather bed,
My head on his shoulder,
wrapped in to his arms,
Both of our hands clasped together,
"This man means the world to me", I repeat in my head over and over,

He takes one small gaze at me,
Before he can say one thing,
I begin to speak the words...
"I love you... forever and ever baby."

Stepping stones;*
That's what these different stages of my life are,
It's been almost 7 months and finally my feelings for *that other guy have drifted away.
He was nothing special.
He never cared.

And now,
I guess it is my time...
And,
Well,
I've met someone.

He's amazing...

He's... special,

He stands out to me like no one else
And he makes me feel whole.

He's not like everyone else,
He gives me a feeling of safety,
Of... protection.
His height towering over me like my guardian.
He is my protector.

When he laughs,
The echo of happiness surrounds me,
It embraces me.
It covers me like a duvet,
It makes me feel warm and at peace.

His voice is purely music to my ears.
The delicate sound of it lingers around my ear drums like a scent.
It clings to my heart and creates a remarkably unsteady heart beat.

When I'm with him I feel nothing but nerves and excitement.
When I get time to think I long for just one night with him.
Just one night to be with him and relax.

I long for the calm and lifeless nights, where the window is open and the air is still,
The only noise that we can hear would be the sound of my heart racing against yours. I can feel you breathe gently into my hair as you kiss my head and hold me tighter.

No one will ever know the way I truly feel about you,
You amaze me everyday with the things that you do.
You mesmerise me and I crave the same love from you that I'm desperate to give out.

Just give me one chance,
One chance.
You'll never find anyone that cares as much as I do.
*This love is unconditional.

It's almost at the end of a year,
So much has happened,
So much time has gone passed,
I've loved,
And I've lost,
And I've made plenty of mistakes,
But now it's time to get rid of those people in my way, *the fakes.

"You know
Sometimes it seems kind of easy to some.
Kind of... Simple, in a way.
You just kinda... Get up out of bed, y'know?
Like,
You just,
Turn your body round, and put each foot on the floor and just push up.
See...
Like this!" she smiled.

My best friend was trying to understand, but she just doesn't get it.

To me that seemed like such a hard task to accomplish; it meant that I had to find the strength to even think of stepping out of the bed.

I mean for what?
Sadness,
a feeling of uselessness?
Exactly.

So
I gave up trying to think
and therefor I never found a good enough reason to motivate me.

So I lay here
Dim
Limp
Lifeless.

Practically dead in a sense.

With no intention to move 'till the actual death.

It started when we got close,
When he started to open up to me,
When I started to read him like a book,
When I knew he was broken inside.
"I'm fine"
he'd tell me, 
pain in his eyes as the words struggled to free from his mouth, like he was almost...
Stuttering. 
From those words I knew,
I knew he was crying inside,
I knew it was growing stronger and rapidly taking over him.

I know now that it's ripping through him like a blade, and yet still he wears a smile...
A smile so blinding white and beautiful that the whole world freezes with astonishment.
I don't understand,
He seemed so happy to me...
What happened to him?
What has happened to the one person that I truly love?
It's destroyed through you,baby, its tore through everything you once were.
I can see it in your eyes, baby,
I'll free you from it,
I swear.

You think you can walk all over me,
You lead me on and say you love me,
You invite me over,
Cuddle me,
Kiss me,
Make me feel like I mean the world to you...
When I don't.
As soon as I leave you're back to your normal self. 
At school you ignore me,
it's asif I'm actually invisible to you.
You'd much rather speak to anyone else other than your own girlfriend,
YOUR girl,
especially when I'm down and upset.
You pretend to care and type big paragraphs yet I'm left waiting for hours for a reply.
Even when you do reply they are blunt,
like you don't even care.
Like I mean nothing to you at all.

Do you really know how it feels to lose someone?
To have them never want to even look at you?
To have them want you to move on ?
Forget them when they've given you so much to remember?
To have them fall out of love with you and leave you empty...

He made me feel warm when nobody cared,
He made me feel like I was actually worth his time,
He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, the feeling that he was mine,
He made me feel like I was special, like someone actually loved me,
He made me smile everyday that I was with him...
Can we forget all about this...
C..c.. Can we?

We are only  young,
But we are very strong,
If he loved me enough why would he want me to move on?

There was some trust,
But there  was a lot of hope,
Will he give me a second chance?
Nope, nope, nope.

Now I've lost him,
Now he's gone,
Will I ever have the strength to move on?

...

Now do you really know how I feel now I've lost someone?
To have him never want to even look at me?
To have him want me to move on?
Forget him when he's given me so much to remember?
To have him him fall out of love with me and leave me empty...

You were everything to me Mark,
Everything and more,
You give me everything I wanted, but tell me this...
Did it feel like a chore?

I was in a relationship with you,
As happy as can be,
'Till something came along(you know what it is) to come and ****** me.

You stayed by my side,
You tried
And tried
And tried,
Can you forgive me?
Hurry and decide.

My feelings are all over,
My head is in bits,
Please tell me how you feel now,
Tell me, are you calling it quits?

I'm just a little tree,
A little tree that struggles to live
- to live normal and grow like all of the other trees,
...
You ever seen a tree...
...that grows in the shadow of another tree?
Yeah, we'll that's me.
It's all puny and misshapen because it's just bending and twisting...
...trying so desperately to get some sunlight.
If somebody just cut off a few feet of that big tree...
...that little tree could grow up strong.
But no, that's not the way life works, right?
They all love that big tree, right? They're all proud of that one.
They hate the crap out of the little one next to it.
The little tree that refuses to grow right.
And you know what? Till somebody comes along and cuts down that big tree...
...that little tree is never gonna get any light. Any light.
Story of my life...

It's the next day and I'm feeling sick with guilt,
It happened and there's nothing I can do about it,
I hurt the most amazing man in my life,the love of my life,
He can't eat ,
He can't sleep,
He tells me he's hurt but he loves me,

I want him to hurt me back.

I sit there and try to make myself upset,
Try to harm myself mentally,
What I done was wrong,
I need a punishment...
A big one.

I want him to cheat on me.

"Do it", I tell him,
"I want you to make me feel the pain you did,
Just once.
I want to feel hurt just like you did,
Make me suffer,
Do it and I can move on."

I want him to make me feel worthless.

"I'm a lying cheat,
And there's nothing I can do about it,
And it kills me,
People say...
'Once a cheat,always a cheat.'
But I know that's not the case."

Baby, I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry,it's all that I can say,you mean so much and I'd fix all that I've done if I could
Start again,I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets and you would have the best of me."

The relief of her retrieving pain and anger...
The reason to my existence is much clearer now,
Throwing sadness into her life gives me happiness and pleasure,
Everyone believes her story,
My side is cremating into dust,
My acceptance of it all is at it's peak.



Now the constant feeling of throbbing sensations launch themselves into my heart
... like a million punches.
Every punch digs a little further,
Deeper,deeper,
The full, flowing feeling of guilt floods in and drowns me,
Blood.
Why did i do it?
I am not the same, I am not the same.

I hate pretending,
Every day,
Telling everyone,
That I'm okay.

You left her... Empty, worthless and abandoned,
A heart of pure stone,
She lay there, face bruised, skull fractured,
You left her mindlessly, alone.

You shoved her, ***** her, killed her,
A heart of pure stone,
Her motionless heart doing nothing
But keeping its place,
Why didnt he just pick up the phone?

She ran, and ran, until she couldn't feel her legs anymore,
A heart of pure stone,
You sprinted and caught her, right from behind,
Why couldn't he just pick up the phone?

It rang and rang, went to voicemail,
You, you and your heart of pure stone,
You flung her to the ground and began to strip her,
Why, please tell me why he left her there alone?

Now that she's gone and she's far above but looking down,
She'll make sure that smile is wiped off your face, you clown,
And as soon as that deed is done, and she's had her fun,
I suggest you pack your things, you rat-bag, and ******* run.

Like sand
he is slipping through my fingers,
Like water
he is slowly drifting away,
Like the shells
he is simply beautiful,
Like a boat
feel free to sail away...

I'm sat here with no where else to go,
Burying my head in my hands due to sorrow,
The rhythm of my heart beat begins to tremble,
The love and passion in myself you resemble,

When we're sat there with our hands clasped together,
I hear your soul whispering "ill stay with you forever"
But now I feel like you're slipping through my hands, I just know,
I have a feeling, telling me - telling me you've got to go,

I shake the feeling off and brush away the thought,
The feeling of you breaking away leaves me distraught,
The constant voice in my head telling me to break,
I say to myself no, no you've got to be strong, the risk -  you must take,

But now I understand the voices in my mind,
I am in love with this man,forever we are entwined,
I know that now, together we will stay as one,
But one more mistake and I know you will be gone.

Fingers interlocked,
My eyes staring into his,like he was my prey and i was ready to pounce,
My fingers getting lost through his blonde,curly locks,
I pressed my lips onto his chest,
The smell of his skin was sweet,it was so soft,it was glowing.
He was mine.

He placed his hand on my cheek as i lay virtually lifeless,
He begins to lean closer,
His tender,delicate lips press onto mine,
Fireworks started to sparkle and instantly shoot their way up my body,
Causing me to move away from his lips and gradually build up a sweet smile,
I was in love.
He smiled back,causing my heart to pound out of my weak chest...

A gunshot.


My eyes shot out as i darted them straight to my unconscious lover,
He lay there,
Arms positioned lightly over my waist,
Head resting on my shoulder,
There was no heartbeat,
I shook him,
"Baby,stay with me"

It was too late.

His last words?
"I'm yours."

My feelings for you started when i first saw you. From day one I wanted you to be mine. Whenever I'm with you, my heart wont stop beating so fast. You are my FIRST love.

Because of the way you make me feel. Because no one has ever been so special to me before. Because you'll truely never understand the way I feel about you. Because just seeing you, makes me the happiest girl alive. Because you got that girl you've been trying to get. Because there are so many signs that show us that were made for eachother. Because i can't get over the fact that you're mine. Because I gave up alot to be with you and it was worth it. Because of your smile, personality, laugh, your eyes, your nose — you're literally the definition of the perfect person. You make me laugh all the time when i just want to cry. You make me feel like i'm on top of the world

I love how you're here for me, but most importantly I love the fact that you made me fall deeply in love with you at such a young age, were not meant to know what love is or experince it yet but i have with you. You make me feel like noone even can. I love you baby

Thank you for giving me the most precious opportunity.

Girls here,
Girls there,
Pretty girls everywhere,
Yet you chose me.

Why me?
Many ridiculous thoughts
Scatter around my mind,
Why out of all of those people,
Would You chose me?
... Man you must be blind.

I only wear a flick of eyeliner
And a lick of foundation,
What makes my looks so special?
What makes you think I'm the one that shines?
What brings the brightness to my deep, dark eyes?