My life?
It's a bumpy road I guess,
I have my ups and downs.
But, then I get the times where I fall down and crash so hard,
That it's almost impossible to get back up,
Everything always seems so dark,
And it feels like there isn't going to be any source of light for some time,
Any time...

The sleepless nights,
The hollow, sentimental emotion,
The constant feeling of not belonging,
Or not wanting to be here,
Stabs me straight in the heart,
Making all of the happiness that I had in myself disappear,
Like it never even mattered and it wasn't supposed to be there.
Like I wasn't born to be happy.

It affects me so much that sometimes i question why I'm here,
And it worries me,
Because  if I want to do something, ill do it.
What if I have suicidal thoughts?
What If they ***** me over and tell me that I want to **** myself?
And I'm scared that it'll come to that...

This feeling isn't a phase, it digs into me a little further every day,
It's so deep into me that it feels like my life is depression,
Like I was born with it,
Like I've had a disability from the start.

What if I hit rock bottom again?
What if i get hit it so hard I summon up the courage to **** this feeling,
To **** myself?
*... What if?