I felt the heat before I saw the flame
Subtle
A slight rise in temperature
A resulting misty sheen
A giggle and a couple glances
It builds
Boiling beneath the surface of skin
It becomes a secret place of whispered promises and quick yet increasingly longer embraces
Slowly as one lays the foundation and puts down the welcome mat
The heat brings forth a blazing red hot flame
All consuming, disastrous even
The arsonist was disguised by the charming comforting heat that he emitted
His fire seeps through the cracks reclaiming it all and leaving vivid blackened scars
In its wake lies missed opportunities, unsaid secrets and an air of contempt
The foundation crumbles as the scorched welcome mat is reduced to insignificant powdery ashes scattered by the passing breeze
And so it stood, a smoldering shell of what it had been
Its smoke concealed yet forever constant

How silly was I
To ignore the treasures of your soul and the gifts of your presence
How silly was I
To mistaken what’s precious and timeless for a cheap thrill
How silly was I**
To abandon a glimpse of an unimaginable dream for a dismal reality

Quite a while it has been
Since the tsunami of my mind washed up the shore
Since the waves of my emotions and experience touch the surface, disturbing the sand
Yet still, the land is still scarred from my past presence
On its shore lay the sea shells of my hurdles, boulders and trials
Scattered here and there, bits and pieces of everything that has interacted and become a part of me remain
A discarded white rose, a soggy diploma, a tattered stuffed animal
And as I’m molded by time and pollution
Despite how long my tide may take to come in
It will come back and with stories and salt to tell of my time away

How can one be simultaneously emotionally barren yet still feel?
When it all comes to a crescendo and the ****** is resolved
I find a sweet release coupled with a bitter after taste
As the fascinating flavor remains constant on my tongue
I try to release, to interpret, to feel, to taste normally
To rid my tongue, my heart, of this inevitable condiment
Yet it remains, it lingers, as thorn in my neck

To remind me of the days of frolicking in the garden
And of being the one red rose in a field of weeds
But pity did I know, that my leaves fell, my petals became discolored, and my stem leaned to a side
And soon I too was encompassed in weeds
Pity did I know, that all the weeds I saw before, were once roses
How ironic
And I join them as another arises
One that started as a suspicious bud
Yet it blossomed unbothered
And became a beautiful white rose, in a field of weeds.

So eagerly we purge, So blissfully we fall
Not with flailing limbs or even a strangled gasp
But with gusto, a flip and a peaceful smile on chapped lips

So clumsily we string and tune the fiddle of our hearts
And prepare a symphony of fragile trust and unearthly longing
A requiem of our own with an inevitable crescendo

I fell
Not for your smirks or one-liners
Not for the dimple in your  right cheek
Or the twinkle in your eyes when you speak
No
I fell for the version of you I fabricated in my head
Which led to a bittersweet feeling when we came to an end

Remember,
Entwined and tangled , knotted in your embrace
Skin to skin , nerves aligned
Whispered promises and unspoken vows
Phantom memories and faded thoughts
A string of words  with meanings lost

Yet so quickly,
A strangled breath with so much said
Shielded eyes moist with regret
Trembling fingers , quivering shriek
Struggle with doubts never voiced and hesitantly revealed