When you are in the dark
It is easy to forget
What it was like
When you were in the light

Why do I keep going back and forth?
Waves that come and go to your shore.

Sometimes crashing and reaching further than before,
Sometimes barely kissing the edge of the sand.

Is it the push and pull of the mysterious moon?
Influencing me to rescind and other times
Throwing me forward?

Is it because I am scared to be tamed?
An ocean so deep it can't even comprehend all that it contains..

Maybe land makes me feel safe,
even if it is so foreign to an element like me.

All I want is to feel the soak,
When I am deep in between the pores of your being,
Deep underground and beneath the surface of you.

Requiring complete surrender
but it is so hard to learn
for the thrashing sea that is me...

Eventually the self work becomes
Another abandoned dream
Because if you go deep enough within
You'll find your wall.

The wall is the limit.

You don't know how to push past this one, or even if you do,
You know you're a coward.
Or a victim.
Or a failure.
Or a loser.
Or whatever it is, you know that
You can't do it.
You've convinced yourself.
You stay miserable to stay comfortable.

The impossible wall, which really,
Isn't that impossible at all.

You just are stuck
In a looping perspective of fear.

Haven't mustered the courage to
Make the jump
Just yet.