i said it out loud
for the first time
if you asked me
to get back together
i would say no
i no longer want to be with you
because
i have never been treated worse
you must know
how badly
you are hurting me
you must know
that i am not okay
you must know
that what you are doing is cruel
because
you still know me
so do not pretend
you do not know what you’re doing  
we both know
you are making me feel horrible
so please don’t pretend
what you’re doing is okay

and i have to wonder
if things were ever
really good
or did i wear
rose-colored glasses
whenever you were near
love
can make my vision
so cloudy
my love
made my vision
so cloudy
and now
i am having a hard time
remembering
when
if it was ever
really good

and i remember the poem
you wrote about
yellow nail polish
and today
when i needed you
your light
your smile
your hug
your comfort
your friendship
i bought myself
a bottle of
yellow nail polish
because if i can
not be with you
at least i can
carry you in
my yellow nails

i will always admire you
you feel this deep sense of empathy
i have never seen before
you care so much about everything
you feel so deeply and strongly
you always make sure to show me
not only do you care about everything
you care about me
thank you

for so long
i gave all of my love
to you
if you
would have asked
for my heart
or my hand
or my head
i would have
happily given it
to you
but now
i think maybe
it is time
to give myself
all of my love

you asked to read one of my poems tonight
and i watched you as your eyes floated over my words
i tried so hard to read your expression and failed
but no matter what
i was so proud of what i had written
and i was so proud that you wanted to read it at all
you asked me when i had written it and and you seemed shocked when i said
"this morning"
you put your hand in mine and kissed my shoulder
you were proud of me
you didn't have to say anything i could tell
i could tell
i let you read one of my poems tonight
and i know it's only a matter of time
until you are reading this one too

she would not
say goodbye
instead
she said
see you soon
and for that
i will never be
more grateful

sometimes
it hurts so bad to close a chapter to your life that was so good
because there is the constant fear lingering in my mind
that maybe the next chapter won’t be as good
because when in my life will I meet another person like these people
because
sometimes
it’s hard to believe
that I could get that lucky twice

The seeds of your soul
have been planted in my heart.

They've sprouted.

Their roots wrapped around my ribs,
latching onto me.

You are a part of me.