one year has gone by
and he isn't sick of me yet

what sparks these thoughts & what allows them to tear me down

i am sinking
there is no lifeboat
no one to hold onto
it is me against water
how do i change
the course of what happens next
to rise
instead
of sink

who will help me
while i am busy
helping everyone around me
and leaving
myself
to drown
in my own fears

what if
everything works out
the way
it is supposed to

i’m going insane
thinking that
one day
this will all change
and the world will
work in my favor
bring me happy news
perhaps a bouquet of flowers
a card that reads “congratulations”
and everyone and everything
that tried to hold me back
was vanished from my life
but no
the reality is
that the only thing that is constant
is the cycle of my anxiety
and the insanity
that i think
it will all
change