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  Jun 2015 Cassie Stoddard
right now there are eleven empty containers of alcohol in my bedroom,
but it's fine, i'm fine.
i've been telling myself for more than a year
that i wasn't going to write anymore sad ****** poems about you,
but here we are.
most days i'm sure i don't miss you,
but then i listen to the wrong song,
and before i know it -
i'm screaming along to band of horses in the dark,
stalking your twitter favorites,
and somehow,
i've managed to get snot on my forehead.
yeah, nostalgia is an *******
but not all the memories sting.
there was that one time we went to the movies
and i slipped on some ice and fell flat on my ***.
i just sat there while you took a picture.
but i'm glad we could laugh about it.
i'm glad we were comfortable.
in my head, we still are.
in my head, we're oversized-goodwill-sweater comfortable.
we aren't as comfortable in real life
but i'm glad we still laugh.
this is the part where i don't bring up the time you told me
my laughter could cure your sadness,
because i'm pretty sure i already put that in another poem,
and it makes me really ******* sad.
did i ever tell you i used to play guitar and piano?
i loved them, but i never tried very hard.
i wanted to be good without having to practice.
i wanted to be good without having to practice.
i wanna meet the girl you write about
so i can ask her how she manages not to love you back.
because i've tried everything & i am so tired.
i forgot this wasn't supposed to be a sad poem.
i'm not good at happy anyway,
i never have been.
but in your absence i've learned a lot about softness.
so if i ever find myself back in your passenger seat,
i won't correct you when you sing the wrong lyrics,
i won't ask why when you take the long way home.
i won't ask you why you don't have your seatbelt on,
i'll just say a silent prayer
and watch for signs that you might be about to swerve.
right now there are eleven empty containers of alcohol in my bedroom,
and i didn't find you at the bottom of a single one.

- m.f.
Cassie Stoddard May 2015
I am broken glass, causing pain to anyone who comes close enough to try.

I am a scared girl, a woman who is terrified of commitment. I used to see happiness. Now I simply see a bottomless pool and my pockets are filled with rocks as I sink into the blackness.

I used to love so fiercely that it burned holes in our hands and left scars on our lips. Now I run, faster and further and don't stop until the distance between us is a chasm.

If you fall for me be warned. I do not know how to love back. When I hurt you, when I sleep with someone whose name is not yours or I disappear it is not because you weren't good enough. I just don't know how to love back.

He taught me that promises lie and that they will hurt you. It's inevitable.

I will sting you with my words. I will make you ache for my warmth when I turn my back. You'll ask why when you find out I slept around.

Hurting you before you leave. I'm sorry, but it's the only way I know how to survive.
  May 2015 Cassie Stoddard
i did the best i could,
for who i was,
at the time.
something somebody said during an episode of MTV cribs.

ironic how much it just hit home.
  May 2015 Cassie Stoddard
How do we know when we're in love? Ask yourself the following.

-Does he make you smile?
-Does he make you laugh?
-Do you fall asleep thinking about him?
-Does your heart race when you see him?
-Do you notice his hidden smiles and stolen glances?
-Does he make you happy?

You are not in love
**If you were, you wouldn't  have had to read this to make sure.
6 steps to figure out if they are the one
  May 2015 Cassie Stoddard
Kelly Hogan
Someone top off my drink
Because I don't want to think.
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