how can we be one complete person but different depending on the situation?
well middle school told me i cant, but not directly
they gave me a word
fake
please, tell me who i am
please, tell me when I'm not being me
please
"A man has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him"
William James
last time i checked everyone in this room recognizes me, so recognize
all the social selves I have to offer
the first time someone called me fake
7th grade, a girl told me i was fake
because I had cornrows in my hair
"you're white" she said
"white girls can't wear their hair like that, stop being fake"
but my aunt is black and told me my hair is pretty like that
and I loved my cornrows, and I didn't know cornrows were black
I knew cornrows were hair, hair a part of me
a part I loved
it never crossed my mind that I was stealing from
black men and women with my white scalp, with my white hair
her black hands gentle on my head as she braided
"braided to the scalp" she said
you tell me my cornrows make me fake but they were the realest thing about me
I didn't have to wash my hair for a whole week, I stared into the mirror
admiring the beauty on my head
the hair style I am thankful for because it showed me what pretty looked like
it showed me melting ***
it showed me black hands, white scalp, work together
it showed me black hand, white hand, work together
it showed me human
and you tell me that's fake
what about human is fake?
my cornrows weren't fake, they were as real as the breath in your lungs
as real as the blood in your veins
as real as the white hands of my grandma
perfectly sculpting the hair on the black scalp of my aunt
"you're fake", shouldn't be for me, because nothing about me
is fake
especially my cornrows

I always forget the words
crafted to make you feel something
written to make an impression
pressing emotions until they turn to diamonds
sparkling gems you feel throughout your body
beautiful pieces connecting worlds
Does that make them unimportant?

I didn't know touching a tree could actually make me feel connected
each blade of grass different, every noise, leaf, stick, and stone
the feeling of looking over the edge and knowing you could fall
and what if you did, what if the end was in a place where you found a beginning
people have died here, people have fallen here but I'm not afraid
if I were to fall and be no more, leave me there
let me melt like raindrops into the soil
let me provide for a planet I've only known how to take from
let each strand of hair whisper to the ants
let my once beating chest, beat life back into the earth
let my once soft cheeks turn coarse
let my teeth become chew toys
and my eyes glossy turn to gravel
I didn't know I could taste the clouds
wispy, whirlpools of stale rivers and oceans
air, air is different there
it doesn't feel the same in my lungs
my body reacts different, smooth
every step I take shakes the earth
like the earth is my drum, my legs drumsticks
playing a song of life reminding me
touching a tree can actually make me feel connected
I think I'm in love with the simplicity
the lack of man made messes
messing with mother nature
marching to her drum but forgetting it's hers you're marching to
a place filled with things it has always been filled with
changing on it's own, without our help
enjoying it
the idea of falling, I flirt with it
one hard fall can lead to a soft bed of life, after becoming lifeless
but my feet will stay on the ground, my feet will keep caressing the grass
and I will continue going there, to the gorge
where life remains lived and falling remains mystery

ground turned soft by sprinkling showers
trees grown tall creating shady spaces
keep the grass tall and let the weeds run wild
where we don't pick the flowers
we just enjoy what is

pick up the pieces
put them in your pocket
pack up your possessions
proceed on your path
dig a little deeper
dive into the depths
don't forget to remove all doubt
soon enough you'll be strong
stay confident in your true self
live life

hold him in your palm
jump into the middle of the ocean and bury him at the bottom
tell him to let the water surround him
let the water engulf him, inside and out
when that doesn't work, sing to him
soft melodies, calm and quiet
tell him to let the sound of your voice take him away
let your voice engulf him, inside and out
when that doesn't work, place your lips on his forehead
kiss away the worry that wilts his mind
tell him to let your kiss release the poison
let your kiss engulf him, inside and out
when that doesn't work, take him to the field
lay him in the grass
tell him to take root, on his own
let him stand, on his own
he doesn't belong in your palm
you gave him enough

you can't revive a wilting flower
but you can breath the hope of revival
it's up to him, to be engulfed by it