My heart was always
bluer than the sky—

I asked the sea
if it might
wash my pain
away—

but the sea
will carry nothing away
that I don’t let go.

I have the soul of a poet, the heart of the sea,
I drink sparkling cheap Moet, so I don't see.

The grimness and darkness, of the world that I live in,
The cry of the fledglings with unspun wings.

The kind looks on faces with many deep wrinkles,
Hear the gentle sweet buzzing of the hundreds of bees.

I drink down the serum designed by the gods, to make my brain never to work,
But the hate and the anger, the sadness and madness, leaves me tossing until I come back to birth.

So I pick up the pen, the paper the journal with the fury of one who see's what is,
The wraps and the chains, strapped fast to our brains, that once we shake off is eternal bliss.

I preach hate and pain, from a broken heart, that I smashed into smithereens,
The love I feel scares me so I take back the anger, knowing that without would be so serene.

So I pick up the bottle, instead of the pen, knowing that it will kiss me goodnight,
Then I put down the bottle, the smoke and the paper, the pen gives me the will to continue the fight.

I am cursed.
Handed down to me by my mother,
Gently,
Softly,
Whispered,
I am cursed.

"This feeling is a blessing!
To know what the soul knows,
To feel the weight of a sigh,
To know the hurt behind a tense laugh--
This feeling means you are good."

This feeling is a curse.
To bear the unknown,
To hold sharp ends of knives,
To carry the weight on my shoulders--
This feeling means I can never be just good.

Disguised as a blessing, this curse runs deep.
You feel it in your heart now, don't you?
Every creak in the forest,
Every cry,
Every sound that was not made.

It runs until you can't hide from it,
It's light so blinding you believe it to be God.
It puts it's hands on your eyes,
And cradles your face so gently.
You would be a fool to not trust it.

And it tells you to do just that--
Trust it.
It's so warm and inviting,
So you do.

Oh, why are you so quiet?
What are you thinking?
I will pick you apart,
Piece by piece,
Until there is nothing left,
Until I'm sure you hate me.

"California girls,
Are unforgettable,
Daisy dukes,
Bikinis on top!"

Oh.