Dad spoke of his father today.
I listened with Friday
Beer breath and keen
Ears, as he said:

I hope to God your brother
And you won't remember
Me as a ****
Fool when I'm gone,

Then coughed that gurgle-rasp
That promises significant
Changes in a son's
Life within

Not too distant a
Future.
Those **** cigarettes.
Half a lung gone, surgery

Scar a part of that back
That I remember I thought
Would carry me
Forever.

We never spoke too emotionally.
He does it more and
More, and all I can do is
Prepare,

And to speak such truths as:
Dad. You've impressed our
Friends, charmed our women,
Driven us through snow storms

And late nights
To get us to -or home from- either.
Fed us, chopped wood through
Summers to keep us warm through

Winters.
Taught us languages and carpentry,
History and poetry,
Classical wrestling and chivalry.

You've made us laugh since
Before we knew how to.
I think of you whenever I smell
Sawdust, new guitar strings, and smoke

(Only minutes old, his cough
Was the first sound I reacted to...)
Your memory is safe.
Whenever your time comes

To leave us to the strength of our
Own arms and souls,
Trust that your rest is well earned.
He laughed a little,  

Eyes wet from coughing
And whatever.
I could die content tomorrow,  
Having told him.

Some giants don't fall.
They just lie down.
Not to wither away and die.
But to retire,

The way oak trees,
Mountains, revolutionary ideas
And gods
Retire.

Take pride.
Pride in the way your eyes
Shine with the
Light of your natural
Selflessness.

I saw what you
Did. How you left your
Own needs for
Later; feeding, lifting,
Holding others.

Take pride.
Within you dwell the
Twinkles; sparks; starlike
Glimmers that render
Unimaginable the

Act of taking
Two legs from
A beast and
Name it
Human.

It's November, I feel the war is almost over,
Poland will find peace again. But the war has taken me,
for I only feel the blackness of sorrow,
all of my strength is falling apart.

Oh, my spirit is falling, falling like the purple sunset,
My beloved,  
   I'm fading in the cradle of your prayers
All my soul is hungry for strength,
   the sweat under my side
and the thorns of confusion and heaviness
are only growing stronger.

Keep me awake, dear.
   Tell me about when we met,  when you
smiled with curiosity  when you first saw me.
  Tell me about the time when we hid and laughed
behind the schoolyard,
   right by the flower fields where we played hide and seek.
The time when our souls  only sung with power and laughter.

Now beneath our old house, our home, I can't hide anymore.
I can't hide the hurt, the pain, the sorrow, but I do know
the flames of grace burns over and over, so don't you cry.
The psalms we use to sing, they also heal, yes, they also heal.

So remember me,

   and the star I gave you, for then I'll be with you,  

near the altar of your heart,
by the silver rivers of memories and love, because then

I'll always be your hero and heart,
your wildfire within.

the blur of back then
old haunt of mine
immanent
keeps me in my place
feeds me images
a fate grim

it ceases
little
pill that poisons still

specter
black nectar sweet **** bloom
mouths its charms of harm with
a flick-a-the wrist

take this life
and cut your risks
watch consequence bleed

it feeds

doer of no things
charred holes in
memory

maybe i am
not blood and bone
but props to mold

yet

footsteps
push through it
somehow

walker of me
footsteps not my own
pushes through hard times
concrete wave after wave
the ebb
usurping the flow

the haunt the haunt

you're nothing
you're nobody
you are history

and then

a break
a clearing in the brood

creature
beast of burden
shone

pigeon
humble beginning
of unlikely starry constellation
leading me to

girl in the park
that took the clench
inside my chest
spreading its five wings

spell no more
white-knuckled hell flush again

lifted
space provided
winged

stone turned over
inner-whorl from bud sprung
i have my feet under me

memory
of you walking me through it
hand in wing

And I miss you so much
my heart rushes blood to my brain
to tell me it's hurting.

You spent time in a beautiful place today
and I made coffee for hippies and businessmen alike because I am a slave to the man made idea of capitalism.
So are you.

I drank this weekend,
I went to a party and I drank and I let a girl three years younger than me rub her body on mine and when she had to leave I drank some more and I didn't think of you until I woke up.

I didn't help clean up the mess from the party, I went and got steak and eggs with a friend and after that I went back to sleep in my own bed, the one you slept in.

I want to know that you're ok, and I want to know that you're healthy and oh how small my problems and desires are and how massive the distance between us.