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broken poet Sep 2018
Pretty girl with your silver hair
And smile that could outshine the sun
I’ve come undone just at the sight of you

I don’t have the courage to talk to you
So I don’t know what your voice sounds like
But I’ve heard your laugh and it’s most divine

I could never talk to you
You are a child of the stars
Your beauty makes me stutter
And me I’m just a mere human wishing for a star
I don’t expect for my wish to be granted
broken poet Jul 2018
I’m drowning
I’m supposed to be feeling better
I’m talking to someone
My feelings are out in the open
I no longer want to slit my wrists in a bathtub
I no longer feel the urge to slit my wrists period

But I’m not better
I’m drowning in my own tears
In a salty sea of self hate

I barely keep my head above water
Then a big wave comes and I think I’m a goner
I slowly sink to the bottom
I know this is it
It’s over
Then the current pulls me back up to the surface
I float for a bit
Then the cycle starts all over

I’m drowning and there’s nothing I can do to stop it
broken poet Jul 2018
I hate my birthday
It’s never been about me or what I want
It’s always been about accommodating other people
And after spending a week trying to find a restaurant that will fit everyone’s needs
FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY
They still have the audacity to find something to nitpick and voice their annoyed opinions

I hate my birthday
Everyone expects you to be happy and cheery
If you're not exactly what they need you to be to make them feel good about themselves then they give you **** for it
I should get an Emmy for my acting skills
I haven’t had a good birthday since I can remember
My family doesn’t know that
They think I love my birthday every year
They notice what suits them

My birthday has been a dreaded day since I can remember
I’m a good actor but keeping up the act non-stop
And amping it up on special occasions it gets really tiring
broken poet Jul 2018
I wasn’t gonna leave a note
I was gonna just do it
With no thoughts for my family
I wasn’t thinking about them
I just wanted everything to stop

I wasn’t gonna leave
I know that’s horrible but how would I explain my pain in a note
How would a note help them in any way
If they didn’t have a note then they’d just assume it was bullying
If I left them a note they’d have to come to terms with the fact that
All the signs were right in front of them for years
If I left them a note it wouldn't be to help them feel better it’d be to tell them how they could have stopped it if only they’d paid attention

If I left a note it wouldn't benefit anyone so why should I have left a note
  Jul 2018 broken poet
Alaina Moore
"You need to chill."
"Why don't you just relax?"
"Why are you so sensitive?"
"Why are you depressed?"
"What are you doing about your depression?"
"Why don't you just eat something?"
"Are you even trying to get better?"
"You're not trying"
"Why don't you try harder?"
"You should workout more"
"Why don't you grow your hair out?"
"If you lost more weight you'd be really ****"
"You need to learn how to entertain yourself"
"Everyone has problems"
"Would you just stop talking"
"You make everything about yourself"
"You're just confused"
"We've plateaued"
"My mom thinks you hate her"
"You don't listen to feedback"
"You make jab comments"
"You take everything as a jab comment"
"If you can't see I'm trying to help you then, sorry"
"I don't have the mental fortitude to deal with you"
"You're not supportive enough of others"
"I give up"
"You complain to much"
"You just sit around and mope all the time"
"You're always on your phone"
"You bring up the past to much"
"You don't do enough around the house"
"You should be grateful for what affection you get"
"Why are you anxious?"
"You make me crazy"
"I don't care"
"You're too needy"
"You need to just get over it"
"I give up, there's no talking to you"
"I can't say anything to you without you getting upset"
"Just stop crying"
"You need to be nicer"
"You're impeding my progress"
This is the **** that plays though my head every minute of every ******* day and people ask me these stupid ******* questions like "what are you doing about it?" ******* EVERYTHING, number one, trying to ignore all this regressive **** the ones I love have said to me.

PSA: NOT BLAMING ANYONE HERE. If you can't see that I pity you. But since some of you don't get it let me explain the ******* poem.
Fault - when depression hits it effects everyone, so fault is spread throughout. Some is real, some is not.
Quotes - sometimes when people think they're helping you they say the wrong thing. Sometimes this could equate to a microagression sometimes it's just something harmful.
Depression - depression effects everyone. I am in therapy, I am working toward bettering myself and doing everything in my power to heal so I can be the best mom and wife I can be. So when I am struggling and someone cynically asks me "but what are you doing tho?" it makes it feel like the months of hard work I put in were for nothing. That hurts.

So, do not for a ******* second think this is some woe is me ******* poem. This is the rude *** **** people have said to me on my healing journey. MY JOURNEY THAT I AM WORKING ON.
broken poet Jul 2018
Me
I don’t want to die
I just don’t want to be alive
I can’t live with my pain
Add on the pain of the world
I can’t handle with the monsters in my closet
I can’t bare the ones infecting this planet
I’ve tried to be strong
It just doesn’t work
I don’t want to **** myself
But if I were to slip into darkness never to wake that would be a-ok
broken poet Jul 2018
I stopped because I lost my blade
I stopped because my blade broke
I stopped because my blade was dull
I stopped because I became numb to my blade
I stopped because my blade no longer had the needed effect
My blade is gone I’ve now found new ways to do what I need
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