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1:43 AM
broken poet Jun 2018
1:43 AM
1:43 AM
I should be asleep
I was on my way to being asleep
Then a thought filled my mind
I had to write it down before I forgot how important it was
1:45 AM
I should be asleep
I just can’t seem to make myself want to sleep
Maybe I haven’t written in awhile because I’m most creative when I should be asleep
I guess we’ll never know
1:48 AM
I should be asleep
I should be closing my eyes and waiting and hoping for sleep to consume me
1:49 AM
I should be asleep
I want to be asleep
I wish I could go to sleep
1:51 AM
I am going to close my laptop,
close my eyes and pray for sleep,
and I will eventually fall asleep.
Continue reading...
a note
broken poet Jul 2018
a note
I wasn’t gonna leave a note
I was gonna just do it
With no thoughts for my family
I wasn’t thinking about them
I just wanted everything to stop

I wasn’t gonna leave
I know that’s horrible but how would I explain my pain in a note
How would a note help them in any way
If they didn’t have a note then they’d just assume it was bullying
If I left them a note they’d have to come to terms with the fact that
All the signs were right in front of them for years
If I left them a note it wouldn't be to help them feel better it’d be to tell them how they could have stopped it if only they’d paid attention

If I left a note it wouldn't benefit anyone so why should I have left a note
Continue reading...
birthday
broken poet Jul 2018
birthday
I hate my birthday
It’s never been about me or what I want
It’s always been about accommodating other people
And after spending a week trying to find a restaurant that will fit everyone’s needs
FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY
They still have the audacity to find something to nitpick and voice their annoyed opinions

I hate my birthday
Everyone expects you to be happy and cheery
If you're not exactly what they need you to be to make them feel good about themselves then they give you **** for it
I should get an Emmy for my acting skills
I haven’t had a good birthday since I can remember
My family doesn’t know that
They think I love my birthday every year
They notice what suits them

My birthday has been a dreaded day since I can remember
I’m a good actor but keeping up the act non-stop
And amping it up on special occasions it gets really tiring
Continue reading...
bobble head
broken poet May 2018
bobble head
i’ve turned into a bobblehead
i nod
up and down
i shake my head
side to side
a smile on my face
never faltering

you ask me
‘are you okay?’
i respond ‘of course.’ i shake my head and smile

‘should i be worried about you?’
i ignore the question
i can’t lie but i can’t tell you the truth

‘how was your day?’
i smile and nod my head ‘my day was fine, uneventful.’
i don’t lie i just don’t tell you everything
i don’t tell you how i sit in the shower and cry
how i was doing so well then i took that blade to my wrist
how when i think about the future there   is   nothing there

my problem have disappeared
i smile
i nod
because i must be okay
if i’m not okay then you would blame yourself
and it’s not you it’s me
Continue reading...
crushes
broken poet May 2018
crushes
You know when you see your crush and your heart speeds up
You know when you talk to you crush and your heart stops
You know when you hear your crush is dating somebody and your heart breaks
You know when you think your crush likes you and your heart beats again
You know when you’re cautious…… you don’t want your heart broken again
You know when your crush likes you and your heart leaps with joy
You know when you’re with your crush and you can feel the connection
Yeah me neither.
Continue reading...
danger
broken poet May 2018
danger
Danger……
There are some different types
dangerous strangers
Dangerous monsters
Dangerous family
Dangerous friends
Dangerous dangers
                 I never assumed the dangers would come from with in
                 I prepared myself for the dangers that would come
                 The onslaught of fears that would come for me
                 Then the dangers started to creep in and i couldn’t fight them
                 They seeped from my bones and into my heart
I wasn’t prepared for these dangers so i wasn’t able to stop them from taking control
Couldn’t stop them from killing my heart and soul
Continue reading...
dear eyes,
broken poet Jun 2018
dear eyes,
dear eyes,
i’ve felt you looking
i’ve seen the hidden glances
at first i ignore
then i look back
dear eyes,
i’ve felt your stares and to you i stare back
after a while your looks,
glances,
stares,
they have faded so i can only say one thing
dear eyes,
you have derailed my life for the last time
next time you feel the need to stare or glance or look
at my pain just remember that i’m not afraid to stare back
and haven’t you heard i stare to **** and my stares kills
Continue reading...
drowning
broken poet Jul 2018
drowning
I’m drowning
I’m supposed to be feeling better
I’m talking to someone
My feelings are out in the open
I no longer want to slit my wrists in a bathtub
I no longer feel the urge to slit my wrists period

But I’m not better
I’m drowning in my own tears
In a salty sea of self hate

I barely keep my head above water
Then a big wave comes and I think I’m a goner
I slowly sink to the bottom
I know this is it
It’s over
Then the current pulls me back up to the surface
I float for a bit
Then the cycle starts all over

I’m drowning and there’s nothing I can do to stop it
Continue reading...
for you
broken poet May 2018
for you
I’ve stopped
Stopped caring and questioning
Stopped looking back
Stopped looking forward
Now i’m too focused on staying alive
I’m too focused on trying to act normal
For you
I have to be normal
For you
I have to be who I was
For you
I have to be perfect
For you
Continue reading...
ghosts
broken poet May 2018
ghosts
self harm…… I didn’t know what it was until fifth grade
i was oblivious to the demons that haunted people
i was so oblivious to the demons that would soon haunt me

i never believed in ghosts i thought that stuff was stupid
ghosts aren’t dead people that follow you everywhere
ghosts are memories long forgotten and long suppressed
  
i write every night in an attempt to cast out my ghosts
if i remember and accept then they have nothing left to cling to
but now they just cling to the aftermath of my pain

demons that feed on pain chase me
ghost that destroy  my sanity
monsters from my closet haunt me and when they catch me
I SCREAM!
Continue reading...
I hate/pity/loathe YOU
broken poet May 2018
I hate/pity/loathe YOU
I can’t blame it all on you
But you did knock over the first domino
I was depressed long before you came along
You just were a horrid ***** that pushed me over the edge

I can’t blame it all on you
But i can blame you for what you caused
I didn’t eat
I didn’t sleep
I did cry
        Every single day for 150 days give or take a few
I can blame that stuff on you
I did nothing you to
You are just a homophobic ***** that can’t cope with reality

I may hate you but most of all i pity you
I came to school and despite you i bloomed
You, you just wilted
I took my pain out on my wrists you just pent it up and someday you’ll combust
I pity you
I hate you
I grieve for you and your broken soul

If you going to heaven
Then i’m happy i’m gay and going to hell
Wouldn’t be able to spend eternity with your ugly face.
Continue reading...
Me
broken poet Jul 2018
Me
I don’t want to die
I just don’t want to be alive
I can’t live with my pain
Add on the pain of the world
I can’t handle with the monsters in my closet
I can’t bare the ones infecting this planet
I’ve tried to be strong
It just doesn’t work
I don’t want to **** myself
But if I were to slip into darkness never to wake that would be a-ok
Continue reading...
My blade
broken poet Jul 2018
My blade
I stopped because I lost my blade
I stopped because my blade broke
I stopped because my blade was dull
I stopped because I became numb to my blade
I stopped because my blade no longer had the needed effect
My blade is gone I’ve now found new ways to do what I need
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My Cries
broken poet May 2018
My Cries
my cries for help are  loud
but you don’t hear
my cries don’t breach the surface
i’m six feet under and dying
my cries get stuck in my throat
slowly my cries choke me
my cries are killing me
i’m dying and my only company is
my cries
after awhile my breath slows and someone has finally heard
my cries
as i’m encases in light i’m no longer in pain i’m finally free
Continue reading...
my life
broken poet May 2018
my life
I need therapy
I’ve needed therapy since sixth grade
Sixth grade
When i first needed help i didn’t tell anybody
I kept it all inside and nobody noticed
I figured if people though i was okay then maybe i really was
Then i got worse, caved into myself
Eighth grade
Mom i think i should talk to some, i just always feel off
          You’re so gay
I’ll look into therapists
          You thinks she’s hot
Now
Mom i want to see a therapist
          I just wanna get things straight literally and figuratively
I’ll into it for you can it wait until summer, is it a long term thing?
          Just take a joke, learn how to laugh

No i will not learn to laugh i will not take a joke my identity, my sanity is not something you get to joke about

My life is not some big show for you to watch and critic when it doesn’t fight what makes you comfortable
Continue reading...
people
broken poet May 2018
people
You meet someone
Ugh i hate them
You get to know them
They’re not that bad
You befriend them
Oh they’re great

You meet someone
Ugh i hate them
You get to know them
Oh my god *****
You forget them
Who was that girl…
You remember them
Oh she was a bully
Continue reading...
Pretty Girl, turns out she's straight
broken poet Sep 2018
Pretty Girl, turns out she's straight
Pretty girl with your silver hair
And smile that could outshine the sun
I’ve come undone just at the sight of you

I don’t have the courage to talk to you
So I don’t know what your voice sounds like
But I’ve heard your laugh and it’s most divine

I could never talk to you
You are a child of the stars
Your beauty makes me stutter
And me I’m just a mere human wishing for a star
I don’t expect for my wish to be granted
Continue reading...
public brokeness
broken poet May 2018
public brokeness
i’m forcing my words on to this page
i’m getting the words down in lines
they mirror my wrist
so they get down on this page
then no more lines on this wrist of my
i’m pouring my heart out and it hurts just as much
i relapsed
i sat there in my bed
i had to do it
i couldn’t stop it
there’s no way to hide it
someone’s gonna see
they’re gonna know
i’ll be exposed
i’ll be even more broken
because then this darkness that tears my skin
now it’s real
now i have to face the fact
i am broken
Continue reading...
RED
broken poet May 2018
RED
my body is the canvas of my pain
i use one color red

i paint my words of hate in to my body
never to be forgotten
my red seeps into my soul

i hide my art from the world
the world wouldn’t understand the complexity of my art
my art is for those who have similar art     or     those who were artists in the past

soon my canvas will be full    but    my art will not be finished
                                          
it will never be finished
Continue reading...
rise up
broken poet Apr 2018
rise up
you ignore my pleas for help,
you don’t look at me until it suits you.
you don’t look at me until there is blood
blood, blood dripping down my wrists.

but then it’s too late
the damage has been done
the wounds have healed
and the only thing left are the tears
on my cheeks
and the blood that has stained the carpet.
my blood washes out
and if you try hard enough you’ll soon forget my cries for help.

once my blood has gone and my cries silenced
i will rise from my spot
i will brush off my tears and i will continue on
each step I take followed by a drop of blood.
each breath i take followed by a stab in my chest.
Continue reading...
slipping
broken poet May 2018
slipping
my
mother
asked
me
‘you know you have me right?’
i
looked
to
my
mother
and
said
‘mom i know,’
my
voice
was
quiet
she
looked
at
me
with
such
sweet
­ sorrow
my
heart
caved
she
didn’t
need
to
know
of
t­he
tears
and
the
blood
she
didn’t
deserve
that
pain
so
i
smiled
and
made
s­ure
she
felt
secure
because
if
she
fel­l
apart
there
would
be
no
­hope
for
me
‘i’m worried about you.’
i
smile
at
her
words
‘good.’
‘that means you’re paying attention.’
Continue reading...
tears
broken poet May 2018
tears
I CRY ONCE A MONTH
I HOLD IT IN THROUGH ALL MY PAIN
I WATCH A INSURANCE COMMERCIAL
I BURST INTO tears
I CRY ONCE A MONTH
I KEEP IT ALL BUNDLED UP IN A BOX
I WALK INTO THE STAIRWELL
I BURST INTO tears
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thanks
broken poet May 2018
thanks
i say it over and over again
thanks        thanks         thanks
If you need me i’m here
thanks        thanks         thanks
You don’t have to but if you wanna talk
thanks        thanks         thanks
That’s really powerful do you need to talk i’m here you do
thanks        thanks       thanks
Continue reading...
Trending......
broken poet May 2018
Trending......
Trending……
i had a poem that was…… trending……
at first i was happy MY poem was…… Trending!
but then i thought……
why should MY pain be…… trending……
why should MY scars be…… trending……
why should people applaud to MY pain
why……
why……
why……
Trending……
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untitled document
broken poet May 2018
untitled document
I am nothing but a untitled document
I am nothing but a piece of scrap paper to be thrown away when you’re finished
I am a note passed to the kid next to you then the next kid
I am…
I am…
I am a untitled document to be written on then forgotten lost in the sea of untitled documents.
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voices
broken poet May 2018
voices
The voices
I always trusted them
Then they led me down the rabbit hole
I stopped trusting them after that

I couldn’t trust anybody but myself
Little girls were trying to **** me
Cats appeared and disappeared
Crazy men flew around with hats and needles

Tea time was alway on time and ready
The dormouse stabbed me
The hare rambled and little alice

Oh little alice was the worst she and white put me on trail and i was found guilty
Punishment death…
The voices
I always trusted them
Then i found out they for were against me and for little alice
Continue reading...
writer
broken poet May 2018
writer
i used to wish to be a WRITER
so i wrote
i wrote stories of love and happiness
i wrote tales of adventure and bravery
but then i fell
deep into the rabbit hole
when i finally came back
my stories……
my stories were no longer happy and free
my stories became tales of fear,
                                      pain,
                                      sadness
i used to wish to be a WRITER
but now i wish to be free of sentences, words, letters
i wish to be free of that which haunts me
i fell deep into the rabbit hole and i never truly came back
i’m still trapped
shadows still follow me
my shadow’s not mine anymore
once i became a WRITER
i gave up my soul to stories
i no longer want to be one
Continue reading...

— The End —