We used to laugh day in, day out
We made jokes and memories
We found kindred souls in us
We lit things up everyday
Now we don’t.

It’d be nice for you to acknowledge me
‘It’ was your best friend- do I exist now?
You refuse to speak to me
You don’t act like you know me
You’re cold and downright rude
So cruel and heartless these days
So not the friend I treasured
I was played, apparently.

Were you trying to be funny all this time
Was our friendship your practical joke
You clearly never valued my life
Or- as you called them- “my irrelevant problems”
Why did you think youth means joy?
Just because we’re a few months apart…
My problems are nothing
And yours are so great I could never understand
My mental health problems aren’t relevant to you
But yours should be my concern, because they exist
You’re the one who didn’t care about anyone else-
And you dare fire at me for that conversation?
You opened up to me ever so slightly about your pain
When I willingly reciprocated, you didn’t care
You’re the one who chose not to show empathy for your friend
You’re the one entombed in walls of steely, ignorant ice
And yet- I am the one who only thinks of her own issues

Well now you don’t think about me at all
So does any of our history really matter?
You stare at me blankly, how some stare at walls
I refuse to let you bother me anymore, how some zone out
My brain is finished with your sickness and vile psychopathy
And you are finished with pretending to be a decent friend
So none of it matters anymore.

I never wanted to be back here,
Never wanted to be back in this place
Where I know I only have one friend,
One person who would notice- let alone care- if I died.
I never wanted to be back here,
To this place where I try to stop telling myself
That I have one support system, comprised of one heartbeat,
And that there is virtually nothing else for me,
No other ways I can affect this world,
No other thing keeping me on earth, tangled in her choke-hold of a grasp
No other person who knows the real me when everyone else only just barely- if at all- realizes that I exist.
I do exist, I promise;
But then again-
I used to promise myself I would never slip into this existence again.
I never wanted to be back here, but I've never controlled my own fate.
I promised myself a lifetime infinitely far from this place but...
Look where I am now.

Girl folds in on herself
Girl breaks down crying out
Girl can't stop sobbing
Girl cant think straight now

Girl is angry
Girl is proud
Girl is angry
Girl is furious
Girl is sad
Girl is broken
Girl is shattered
Girl is lost
Girl is angry
Girl is empty
Girl is lonely
Girl is destroyed
Girl is defeated
Girl is victimized
Girl is now dead.

She was an invisible nothing in life;
How cruelly fitting that her death come….this way.