The days of my youth are being wasted

Spent with a man who will someday become
just
a

memory

He said "this song is my life"
It was by drake talking about exes
And reminicing and remembering
So I move my leg off of his leg and move to the other side of my bed

I want him to leave so I can be alone
I don't care if he'd call me
I'd turn off my phone
He doesn't love me
Its all pretend
Or maybe its all just in my head

There's no affection he really doesn't care
He's good at pretending
Maybe this is the end
Or just the begininng
Who really knows
But I know I love him
But he'd rather be alone

Where was he when I needed him?
Yeah, he was with her.
I told him delete my number and never to call
He was in love with her
So why did I fall?
Then they brake up and he comes back to me
A shoulder to cry on
A ***** to eat

I'm tired of feeling like I'm second best
I should be number one
I'm not like the rest
So why doesn't he tell me I'm perfect?
Or tell me I'm pretty?
We're back at square one
And I'm full of self pity

Maybe I'll leave
Maybe I'll stay
Doesn't matter
Who cares
I'll feel like **** either way

Bedrooms are intimate. Showing someone exactly where you breathe is special. To see it, they have to worship every breath that goes in and out, even if your exhale is poison.
The walls still smell like you
Last week, I pulled the sheets off the bed. I placed them in the burn pile.
I do not wish to see you.
This week, I painted everything a new color, a darker shade.
I pulled down the Christmas lights and let my stars burn out. I placed them in the burn pile.
I do not wish to see you.
I ripped stuffed animals off the shelves and letters off the dresser. Even the photo album went in the burn pile.
I do not wish to see you.
The flowers off the desk... They were dead anyway.
I do not wish to see you.
Everything in a bedroom is sacred. Not everyone belongs there; you sure didn't. You kissed everything with fiery lips and charcoal dust and I am still sweeping up. I continue to find your ashes in my bed.
I do not wish to see you.
You took everything. You took my air and gave me back poison. I couldn't tell the difference. But the worst thing you took from my room is me.
I do not wish to see you.
I do not wish to see you.
*I put you in the burn pile. I see you in the flames. I see you everywhere.
I start to tear at the drywall.

I have an obsession with depression
When the sun makes summer days everlasting
and I'm left grasping at melancholy ideas
my mind slips back into it's natural state
self-hate will forever govern my fate
and I'm tired of living like it's all okay
and that I'm supposed to live a certain way
I'm over the monotony and hopeless love
that can't be found because constantly flirting and
never getting anywhere is doing nothing but hurting my
already shattered heart while the dreams that I once had
that people convinced me were bad have all been beaten down to more realistic goals based off of what I've always been told.
When I stop doing what is expected of me
that's when I can finally see
my true self gasping for air in the pit of my stomach where
I pushed it so long ago;

clawing to get out.

Rock on..........
That is all

Waking up one day
And knowing its over
The blue sky
Is now grey
The waves in the ocean
Are floating away

And so are you

It will never make sense why my heart belongs to a man who will never love me back. The words he says are old replayed records that were once melodies, that belonged to her. He can hold me and love me all night long but when the morning sun arises and he wakes up by my side, he wishes it were her eyes that he could get drunk on. She is beautiful, with hair golden and long, and my hair is black to match my soul. I like drugs I pop a pill every now and then, and she gets high from the life she is blessed to be able to live. I will never compare to her, but no, I don't want to be her,


But he does, and it will **** me forever, especially when he leaves.