Don't get lost in heaven
Cause I might not get in
I'll  be the first to acknowledge
That I have sinned
The gates of Eden might rust
And keep me from from what I lust
I'll break all the doors of paradise if I must

If you were a book, I would never read another. Memorize every line ,recall no other covers
If you were a film , I would adore the sliver screen , get lost in the gleam, rewatch every scene
If you were poetry, I would lose myself in verse, study your form till my eyes hurt

But you are not a object,not something to possess
You are not a art form, there is nothing to perfect
You are not lines on a page, there is nothing to correct
I will try for you , none the less.

Been standing on a bridge
Not knowing whether to jump or burn it
Head like a match,limbs thin as rails
Perfect for  a heart like a furnace
I held on till there was nothing left
Swear to god I tried
Fought till the last breath
I've got the opposite of the Midas touch
Everything goes to ruin
Run myself ragged, it's never enough
I've been feeling so hollow
Empty myself,send them
Across the universe in bottles

Easier to fall apart than together
Can't blame the cold shoulder on the weather
Really wished I hadn't got to know you better

You became one of my regrets
Thought we be could be different when we meet
I have little room to speak, never a safe bet
Said we didn't speak enough, you saved your breath .

Looked into your eyes and saw someone I didn't recognized
You had the time and now the space is all mine.

I have become smoke
I'm here but you'll look through me
I'll fade the same
I'll linger but then I won't leave a trace.

I have become ash
The winds takes me where it will
I'll drift the same
My colors have faded to Gray

I was once fire
Bright was my flame
Forgot who I was
You'll just become disappointed with the remains.

There's just things I can't express
For once I think my father said it best
"Some emotions we have to swallow
And hope they rest"
You can inhale smoke into your chest
And let what you know fall
With grey-tinged breath
I've come to find
It leaves nothing left.

I've waited for this to feeling to end
It's dug its way into the pores on my skin
And clawed its way within

You were  my sun,I was your moon
When I shined it was the light from you
You know my mind races more than I like
But when I looked into your eyes, I had one thought
That's my favorite color
I'm sleepless but not in Seattle
And I don't really eat,pray,love much
I found it funny as a movie snob
That I always enjoyed a rom com with you
You loved me when I couldn't do that
You made me feel  like I wasn't damaged goods
You showed me things that I can't find in the confines of these four grey walls

If things don't get better at least they end
Bones break but they always don't mend
Can always say you're sorry, doesn't mke amends
Still think of you walking away, but don't want to see you again

Piece by piece or swallowed whole
We all end at the same place
So lets see where the rabbit goes

My walls have nicotine tears
And my eyes have had bags for years
I want to start a folk punk band
I can't sing so I'll scream
Do something productive in a long time
Only felt freedom when crossing state lines
Going down streets and avenues
With the thought of you

My father has died but isn't dead yet
Feed me half truths and hard times
I'll let them digest
I've been moving on in my own way
Seems no progress but I digress
All these visions of you
Make me wish I had seen you less
I still pace like it keeps me calm
Counting steps,holding you till you slept counting breaths
Counting steps
Down the stairs ,up the driveway and out my life

Bukoswki had roses in a closet , I've got pictures and notes in a shoebox
I think no closure even if we had talked.
I would still self destruct if you hadn't walked
I still can't face my refection in the mirror
I still can't stand to alone,never in public
I still shake like a leaf on a tree,I'm not holding you and December is getting nearer

Do you ever think of me ?
As a bad decision,a waste of time , the wrong boy at the wrong time.
You probably don't and that's for the best.
I hate myself just so we can have something in common
I don't want to but I have to be honest.

I dipped my fingers into my sadness
I fell into it
And it swallowed me
It filled my lungs and
Ran up over my lips

It consumed me
It coated me
It seared my skin
Yet froze me in my tracks

It is what keeps me awake
And yet what stirs me to sleep
It pushes thoughts out my head
To only replace them with many more

being young smoking in the stair well
getting older smoking thinking oh well
seems like me and Mary met in past lifes
she helps me with the decay
that's why I have a half-life
and nothing stays the same
but everything is half right