i realize i am in the beginning stages
of oldtimers' disease
when I have to **** every half hour
and the toilet bowl is mysteriously empty,
every time?
I have checked out the flush valve-check;
the fill valve, too-check;
the handle
the seat,
the bolts on the floor-no problem;
when in a burst of enlightenment
I remembered....
I have not filled Missy's ( my gorgeous well balanced love of my life Labrador)'s
water bowl in two days.

I found you would I not
stumble in words once more
be swollen tongued deaf dumb
and blind
maybe
it is better
perhaps to
keep striving
to search lifelong for the end
of the rainbow
to have a goal a reason
to keep that bit of mystery
that longing
for if I were
one day
to find you
there amongst the tangled reasonings
the vines with thorns
thistles unpleasantness-
might I just die?

i look at her
and she is goddess 
loop and knot 
 
i look away
and she's ocean sky flow
breather of this breath 

i look within
and i am at her feet
removing her sandals 

i look without
and i'm depth ebb
space silenced

I'm nervous to love you.
I know what its like to be left alone when my aching heart said too much.

I'm nervous to love you.
My father said I broke everything I touched.
Do you understand why I don't want to hold your heart?

I'm nervous to love you.
The last guy I loved left everything we had hanging on a ceiling.
He turned his red flannel into black suits and ties.

I'm nervous to love you.
I'm already a wreck.
I don't know if you will be able to see past that.

I'm nervous to love you.
I'm scared to rush into this.
I already feel so much.
I don't want to say goodbye to another person.
I'm scared you'll leave once you see the depths of my heart.

He opened
his mouth
and love
letters
came
out* ~