i dont write too much
i write just enough
i write just enough
that when i'm done
i can look back in embarrassment
and say
****.
i really ****
it hurts my chest
that something more couldn't be said
or done
wished
or won
in order for me
to gain the
affections
of the world
through my ****** writing

DISCLAIMER: EATING DISORDER/SELF HARM
wow i am upset to my stomach
the image of me forcibly shoving
my index finger
and my
                                                     middle
finger
joinedbytheknuckles
d
o
w
n
my throat
washes
over
me
over
and
over
again..
that i just might do it.
this is no cry for help
its the demon in me testing to see if i am ballsy enough for one last try
versus
the voice of my therapist saying i will ruin my entire recovery if i do this.

s p a c e
in
d
   e
      p
         t
            h
brain OVERLOAD
destruction

SCRATCH
BITE
SMOTHER
GRASP
                                                        love
                                                        kiss
                                                        embrace
                                                        wet

leave me here
let me
h
a
n
g
my sorrows
l o o s e l y
around my curves.


.m.c.

AWAKEN
suddenly..
forcibly drowned: reality.
What happens when the old becomes the new again?
...When every creeping moment of
redemption and healing
amount to failure?
I try so hard.
Abandon me.
at the side of the road.
                                                                ­         alone.
so i can reflect on
Everything.

.m.c.

fair streams embrace me in the glory of your presence.
fill my heart with unspeakable joy.
enlighten each pore with your flawless essence
every inch of my body vibrates with your tender touch.
you hold me gently.
baby, you're the ultimate crutch.  
sweetie, never let me out of your clutch.

(m.c)

Block.
a Block.
Blocks.
white cinder overlapping
thoughts like suicide
abide by no principles.
Block
a Block.
Blocks.
Do not block
monsoons.
Do not waive
rollercoasters.
Block
a Block
Blocks.
No fear of boogeyman.
Nor demons.
Nor death.
Only eternity in cell walls.
Block
a Block.
Blocks.

-m.c.

from the    deepest pit
  resting in   my heart
   screams in terror
  choice, now error,
           i love
           you

i get trapped inside the corners of my mind because as much as i run i cannot hide from the thoughts that take my happy, take my pride.

sometimes i wish i was deaf. then i wouldn't be able to hear your heart wrenching criticisms. sometimes i wish i was deaf. then i wouldn't be able to hear the failure seeping from my throat. sometimes i wish i was deaf. then i wouldn't be able to hear the harsh taunts of silence screeching in my ears. sometimes i wish i was deaf

Heartbreak is a cold and viscous man.
Comes to steal joy when I thought love was grand.  
I don’t understand how pain became apart of a plan that was made for only love to come my way and stick like sand.
My heart overflows with much sorrow as I grieve for my heart and soul that is now hollow.  
Heartbreak came and stole my love and peace and now I’m rocking back and forth with psychotic unease.  
As anger continues to rise and rise, the tears are flowing more and more heavily from my eyes.  
My heart is aglow with spewing lava from Hell.  
A downward spiral in my brain is occurring, can’t you tell?
I stopped writing to see how quickly time flies.  
I noticed then what would avenge my peace and love.
The answer is the day Heartbreak dies.  
And that is a day that will be truly sent from above.