I still smell you on me,
you’ve only just left,
and I want you back already,
I found with you I’m at a loss for words,

fck it,
let’s just get married,
gotta marry someone,
so why not marry you,

why not marry me,
marry me,
I know that seems sudden,
but honestly I’m ready,

you’re ready,
what are our other options,
continue to go through life,
having *** and feeling haunted,

honest,
let’s do this,
I’m ready if you are,
together we can go through this,

I don’t want to die alone,
and either of us could die tomorrow,
let’s tie the knot before we kick the bucket,
I’m for sure 100% not at all impartial,

I know where I stand,
in truth no need to lie,
I raise my right hand and kneel on my left knee,
before I look into your eyes and testify.

Met at Picasso,
made love before we ever touched,
you are a dancer tiptoeing on my heart strings,
and I’m all in but stop me if this is all too much.

I am a writer,
a poet to be specific,
and you are the most beautifully honest sonnet,
you’re both pure and you’re explicit,

a contemporary dancer,
that has all the right moves,
and I’m willing to risk it all right now,
I’m willing to risk losing everything as long as I don’t lose you.

So hold me,
at least pretend you’ll never let me go,
and I’ll put a ring on it right now,
just to prove that this is not all for show,

let’s go,
all in with each other,
don’t let go,
hold me for at least forever,

forget it,
i guess I said too much,
I still smell you on me,
even though you’re out of sight and touch,

I still smell you on me,
you’ve only just left,
and I want you back already,
I found with you I’m at a loss for words,

fck it,
let’s just get married,
gotta marry someone,
so why not marry you,

why not marry me,
marry me,
I know that seems sudden,
but honestly I’m ready…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆

Your bitter words make me
want to burn my tongue with tar.
It won't be these cigarettes that **** me-
but my family's words.

With your breath heavy from whiskey
you were never good after drinking a bottle.
Hot tears fall as you tell me to grow up.
I can't.

I keep
crushing my sunflowers in my palm.
Bleeding yellow and green earth
through white knuckles.
A gold that once littered our bedroom floor
between the articles of clothing.

I keep
praying for rain to quench the soil
but there's only deathly heat.
Apologies to the gods go unheard.

No one wants to listen to a girl crying
that her flowers are dead from the doing of her own hands.

This isn't about you anymore.

          I'm starting to see a pattern. It's kind of like, staring at the tiled wall in the shower. You want to slip and fall, maybe break your head, but you can't seem to stop looking at the wall. The art.

             The faces and the places on the wall, they talk and breathe, and the more you see, the more you know. And the more you see, the more you want to know, but it all seems to stretch out into nothingness. Everything blurs together, and the more you know, you find you actually know nothing at all.

          That's where I'm coming from, I've always known where I was coming from, but I have never known where I was going. This isn't about you anymore. I've come to realize that my life is a lot like that wall. Winding and endless, like if Satan was a snake and he made a home around my neck. Coiled tight enough to make me see stars in your eyes, but loose enough to make my head pound with pain.

              So it's all about me, and I'm endless. I'm sad and I'm tired, and I have no answers, and I'm all alone. I know that I'll have to keep going, but I also know that I think I'm going to leave you behind. This isn't about you anymore. I'll take my heart back and leave it for someone more special - maybe my dog or my best friend, Carolina.

      I think they'll take better care of it, and I can focus on what really matters: living a life that doesn't involve drowning. Drowning in thoughts, drowning in tears, drowning in possibilities. I think I've had enough of that.

I think I can swim.