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I can not shake the almost-memory
of your warring skin, or the depth
of that moment in meaning,
never the slow silence bleeding
out of you in waves, your pulse,
your years falling out like baby
teeth, and the inside of you in grey,
clipped and dim lit dreams dashed
into shards.

Your all-too-silent night.
I think of you and I think of you,
in different lights, bathed in other colors,
all your faces, your expressions melting
into one another. I've found every you.
I've kept them here, together, like a roll
of film, and sometimes, when I'm sad,
I pull them out and look for my face too.

The moon says, It will save you
so much pain if you let me take your
wisdom teeth now.
Lovely moon,
silky-voice moon, moon like chalk,
so soft and crumbly on your hands,
hands that rake through my hair like
a yard of fallen leaves.

Remember, darling?
I do. A night like the sweetest peaches,
and in the morning, only left with the
pits, counting the mistakes, measuring
the loss like scientists study black holes.
I won big. I scratched your name out of
a lottery ticket and told everyone but you
how lucky I was.

Heart of hearts, dark of darks, heart of darks,
how it all flows, the music changing the words,
making them understand each other, connecting
them like we connect them in language. The
music has its own language. We call it poetry.
We call it song. Sometimes I recognize it when
she speaks. Sometimes words leave us, but
the music is still there.
here
  Apr 2017 Brian Hoffman
Eric W
It rained for three straight days
during my first visit
to you.
Fitting. I should have expected as much.
Especially if it corresponds to your happiness,
I can only be more thrilled
about rain
and what it brings down with it
and the slates it washes clean.

We drank with reservations
and read poetry with gusto
and fell to the floor with love
as the thunder clapped across the
valley
and the rain poured from our skin.

You are small,
not even close to helpless,
but I would face down anything
so that your hands may stay and fit
so delicately in mine and
so your lips would find mine
again.

When we met, finally,
and I felt your frame fall into mine,
trusting me enough for that
so soon,
I was honored,
and I knew that the fears I had
about what this would be like,
what you might be like,
what we might be like,
were unfounded,
and very complicatedly so.

Wouldn't it have been easier
to despise the other?
But no,
instead we fell into rhythm
as if we had never been out of sync,
we fell  into and onto each other
time and again
in ways that could only be described as
perfection.

I saw you gaze onto me
with a mystique only Picasso himself
would be able to render,
so I lost myself in your eyes
with words I've known for
long and with thoughts I could
finally say.

It rained for three straight days,
but on the day I left
the sun beamed through the sky.
So I left,
with kisses and kind words,
and it wasn't until I was on
the excruciating road back
that I realized
I was leaving home
for the second time
in only one trip.
Brian Hoffman Apr 2017
You slipped me a pill
And hard I fell

The night you thought I'd never remember
But I remember it so well

How could you put one through this kind of hell?

A lovers lust and spell or was it just a pill? One shall tell

I'll try to tell you from the bits I remember from the girl who brought me hell.

It was a cold march night going to a concert of the favorite band we both liked.

Front row one would think this may as well be the best night of my life.

We danced to the songs we sang almost daily. Shedding tears I thought this night would go so smoothly.

But unfortunately for me after it all is when it all crumbled apart. Torn up she broke my small fragile heart.

We decided after the concert to go a party where we'd meet up with friends and share some drinks.

Little did I know the shot she gave me made me blackout and forget what I had heard and seen.

I do remember bits and pieces and those thoughts every now and then taunt me.

Life sometimes is like one crazy dream.

It was a friend of hers I met the same night I believed would've been the best night of my life. But now this dawning fright awakened after the news I heard rattleed me and to this day still keeps me shaken.

I met him my old "lovers" so called friend. To me he wasn't just a guy little did I know they've been having ***.

But not just *** I find out she's been with 3 other men. And then the pill she slipped me in my shot kicked in.

One drink but little memory left.

9:00am. I woke up almost completely naked with little recollection. In my boxers with goosebumps down my back spine and shoulders.

She was nowhere to be seen, but thankfully her roommates were around.

They asked where she was and all I could say is that cheated. That's all I could remember besides having one drink in which she gave me.

So they filled me in on details like the concert and the other men... that's when my head began to spin.

Almost a year spent with this crazy chick. But she was apparently off getting some other guys *****.

It's one thing she cheated, another though that I was drugged by the girl I thought I loved.

So after I sorted things out with her roommates then left the scene. Deleting all our pictures and ****** memories.

I headed home before I ended it all crazy ***** left me 27 missed calls.

I went to the mall and then broke it off. Tough luck for being a ***** over you ungrateful ---t.
Ex, drugged, mind blown, mentally ******
Brian Hoffman Apr 2017
It's 3:30 am
Every night something is keeping me up
Every night I lay awake thinking...
Is it insomnia keeping me up through the dark dreary nights
Is it my chaotic bipolar mind telling me nothing in the end will work out right
Is it loneliness feeling as if all my friends left and nothing seems right
Or is it jealously where I don't know my place in the world, but everyone else I know seems just fine
I can't find my mind
I can't make the time
The wiring went faulty
I'm out of place
Am I out of my mind?
It's 3:32 am
Continplating on what I should do with this life
Everyone always says things in the end workout alright
But I can't get any sleep at night
I'm tired of trying
I'm tired of putting up a fight
And for what cost?
All my feelings and emotions are lost.
Bipolar Insomnia

— The End —