I recently have realized something.
I now understand why this has all been so hard.
It's not just that I'm heartbroken.
I'm mourning.
That's why I'm broken.
That's why I lost all ability to love.
That's why I cry constantly and always feel like I can't breathe.
That's why he never leaves my mind.
I'm grieving.
The person I love no longer exists.
There's not one trace of him in that now skinny body.
The man I fell for has vanished and is never coming back.
It's as though a new person inhabits that body and haunts me everywhere I go.
A new person has been given the voice that can make me melt with one syllable.
And my soulmate...
The greatest love of my life is no more.
I mourn his loss every single day.
I break down crying every single night.
He's all I write about,
All I draw about.
And nobody understands why.
None of them get why I am still so broken hearted.
And that is the thing...
I'm not.
I've never been simply just dealing with a broken heart.
I'm grieving the dissaperance of the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
And truthfully I don't think I'll ever stop.
Even if someday I fall inlove again,
Get married, and have kids.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life wishing for a man who no longer exists.
And can never come back.
My bestfriend.... Is as good as dead.

Pounding heart
Spinning mind
Vibrating body
Words upon words flowing from my mouth
Getting dizzy from the anxiety
Why must I never stop speaking
Say the wrong thing
In the wrong moment
At the wrong time
Embarrassing myself with every syllable
Talking faster and faster with every second
The flow of words never ending
Till the agony of embarrassment halts me

I love you
Like the moon and the stars
You and I are incomplete without the other

To Gallifrey and Back
Greatful I am for you
Always by my side
Blessed, My heart is yours

Forever and Always
A** half of you is given to me
A half of me is given to you

I was told that over time it would get easier.
Yet...
With each day that passes I find it getting worse.

I know I write to much.
Correction...
I know I write about him to much.
I just find myself stuck.
Crying in heartbreak.
Feeling as though I'm torn in half.
Not only did I lose him.
It's as though I lost this giant part of me also.
I'm now just stuck in misery.
With nobody to share my pain and suffering with.
He was the person I told all this too.
Now I only have my pen and paper to share my pain with.
I'm heart broken.
It's been months...
And I'm still heartbroken.
All I've done for days is cry.
I miss him.
With everything in me.
I miss him.
Until that pain starts to deminish.
I'm just left to continue to write.
Writing way to often about a heartbreak that only so far has seemed to grow.
And not fade away like everyone expects it too.