Lumipas ang labindalawang taon
Nang tayo'y huling nag-kasama
Ako'y nilayuan, iniwasan
Dahil akala mo ay gusto kita

Ngunit kaibigan lamang
Ang pag tinigin sa isa't isa
Oo't ikaw ang huwaran
Sa bawat lalaking hinangaan

Hindi nasagi sa isip kailan man
Na ang tunay na mithi ay ikaw pala
Kaya't siguro nga, tama ka
Tama na ikaw ay lumayo at lumisan

Ako'y umibig sa isang tsinito
At ika'y nabighani ng haponesa
Nagkaroon ng sariling mundo
Mga kasintahan ang siyang naging pruweba

Mula elementarya at kolehiyo
Patuloy akong umasa at nag tanto
Kung ang ating mga destino
Ay muling magtatagpo

Sa loob ng labindalawang taon
Ikaw ay may mahal paring iba
Malapit man sa'kin, ika'y malayo parin
O giliw, hanggang pangarap na lang ba?

Palamuti ng pasko
Pawang mga puso
Sumayaw sa alapaap
Sabay sa pag kurap
Pag-ibig sa tabi
Hawak na sandali
Huwag mawaglit
Handog na ligaya
Sa'kin ay ipaubaya✒

It's easier to be alone.
Because what if you learn
that you need love and then
you don't have it? What if you like it?
And lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it,
and then it falls apart?
Can you even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like ***** damage.
It's like dying.
The only difference is death ends.
This? It could go on forever.

They said,
Listen with your ear
So you could hear it clear.

They said,
Listen with your heart
So you could feel it deep.

But nobody said,
Listen with your soul
So you could hear the truth.

do you ever feel like you want to rip your heart out of your chest? the feeling of clawing your way through your skin, your muscle, your sternum. how satisfying that must be to silence out the pain you are feeling inside.
do you ever feel like jumping out the train whenever it travels along the coast? the feeling of washing yourself clean of all the sadness that wraps your skin. how liberating that must be to swim breathlessly away from you.
there is so much more i have yet to say. but i am tired. i am tired of feeling every wire of emotion, every crack of my broken soul. how did i become this person—




…how the **** did i get here?

"The sun dazzling above the morning sky with cotton clouds overlaying its bright from time to time. Cool winter breeze kissed my cheek as I walk along the street. I looked from afar with you on my mind – feeling your presence, your hand holding mine."

Paano na ba mag sulat?
Mga salitang nilimot na ang kahulugan
Binibilang ang mga pantig
At pilit dinudugsong-dugsong.
Nandiyan ka pa ba?
O pag-ibig na akyat panaog
Sa hagdan na walang tipan.
Mga panaginip na walang hantungan
At biglang mag wawakas.
Next time na lang. Inaantok na ako. Goodnight.

And I caught a glimpse of familiar faces
       amongst the crowd,
Their countenance full of joy and excitement;
My feet began to stride of their own accord
       leaving my consciousness behind,
They welcomed me with warm caresses and
       of pecks so affectionate;
For many a time I stayed in a foreign land
       O my dear God!
You have blessed me, I am home at last!

You let me into your soul with a kiss
so soft. Moments gone without a word,
yet you spoke of love like it was true.

With every kiss sings a melody to wake
my silent heart. Each key growing
louder in hopes that I may sing it too.

But I closed my eyes to hide my empty
soul. Perhaps a way to guard my own,
never to be stabbed in the game of two.

Sitting side by side in a night so young
Your scent filled the evening air,
With a blend of citrus and vanilla to bear
In your chest I'd love to cling and hold
you dear.

Conversations of yesterday we've shared
With a frown or laughter at your jest
Oblivious to the passing of time, it is the
dead of night.

In the wilderness there I stared
Our blossoming infatuation put to rest,
You held me close with farewells so long
Feeling your warmth until the break of dawn.

We start out full of optimism, the vision
of what we desire to accomplish; that's
why people love beginnings, they are
promising.

However what comes after are mostly
things we did not expect, for we were
blinded with such conviction.

And now we have to face the predicament
of reality, the ultimate challenge of
humanity; that the world is rather not
what we want it to be.

There's a note underneath your front door
That I wrote twenty years ago
Yellow paper and a faded picture
And a secret, in an envelope

There's no reasons
No excuses
There's no secondhand alibis
Just some black ink, on some blue lines
And a shadow, you won't recognize

And if it means I'll be waiting twenty years
And twenty more
I'll be praying for redemption
And your note, underneath my door
And your note underneath my door

What has been going on in my life, you ask? A lot.
But, where do I begin?
Oh, here goes nothing—
I was at a high, ecstatic to the point of transcendence.
Your love was my opioid and you were my dealer.
I was addicted, flaming, and uncontrollably blown away.
Until it was the end.
Your leaving struck me like a lightning bolt.
Natural laws dictate that death will soon follow.
So, I lay in the midst of it all; lifeless and unmoving.
The descend of this roller coaster ride swallowed me whole.
To the craziest twists and turns, left me with no air at all.
They said nothing lasts forever.
Yet, it felt like there was no coming out of what seemed to be the most excruciating ride of my life.
For years it lasted.
For years I was lost.
For years death was my salvation.
I prayed. I prayed hard.
But I could not hear anything; I was shut deaf to the sound of hope.
Lifeless.
Lifeless...
Lifeless..
Lifeless.
Is all that was left in my head.
Jumping from one guy to the next trying to fit them in your shoe.
Nonetheless, I failed every single time and fall into the deep darkness when I hear your name.
Then I was done.
I am done dwelling on what could have been.
And, I am back from the dead.
No longer searching.
No longer needing.
No longer hurting.
It has been a roller coaster ride like no other.
You see, roller coasters do not stay on the descend for very long.
It may feel endless.
Ride on it nevertheless.
Hold on tight until you reach the sweet ascend of a lifetime.

what have you done to me
i could point every constellation
across the sky–from andromeda to vulpecula
but the stars have realigned themselves
and all i could see is you
a constellation of your grace, wisdom and perfection.

Ordinary day
Hop on the train
The world is grey
Until the sun shed its ray
Still you can't see
Hues around the carriage
Light reflects colours
Senseless philosophers
One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi
The gates break open
Walking shadows come
Rush in chaos
By the angel!
The world is red
The world is blue
The world is green
Soulmates sitting together
Front to end
Left to right
Crown so white
Beaming so bright
-
Look in between
Odds became even
Vows requited
Enduring and all
-
L. O. V. E.
Light reflects colours
Senseless philosophers
Objection your  honour!
Love is real
Love is joyous
Love is forever
Love paints the world
One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi
The gates break open
Soulmates on their feet
Sun shedding its ray
The world is grey
Light reflects colours
Sensible philosophers
Hop on the train
Ordinary day

One dream love
I could never have
One puppy love
I once had
One great love
I once found
One perfect love
I could never replace

One true love
I have yet to know

i was going to write you a song
but you took my words.
and now all i have is a symphony
of my blood rushing through extreme,
heart beating fast and slow,
mind pulling the strings of you,
breath hissing and hushing til the final score.

As I stand in this magical moment
Listening to the echos
of the early winter wind
And of the waves crashing
by the coast
I rest my thought
beneath the southern cross
If only Helios could stay above the horizon
and feast among the clouds
Won't you let me devour
this serenity so unfamiliar
But his chariot never stops
nor waits for a lowly commoner
So the war had once again begun
with lifeless warriors and edgeless swords
To conquer the land of dust
and empty treasures

You're so hard to find
My mind's getting wired
I'm getting tired
How can I survive—

virtual people
...paper thoughts
years past
bid adieu;
hail the future
travel anew..

he cupped my chin so our eyes could meet.
"what are you so afraid of?" he asked.
i'm afraid you might see through me–
dust and cloud, thunder and storm, heat and fire.
a disastrous mayhem.
but none of it came out of my bounds.
instead, i forced a smile.
a smile as bright as the moonlight.

Life comes in waves—
Some high
Some low
They break
Push us on the edge
To make a beautiful mess

Clear blue skies
Sun above our heads
Still it's a gloomy day
I dreamt of a moment
Where the soil is dry
And the children never cried
Yet a dream is but a dream
Still it's a gloomy day
Dusty clouds
Tiny raindrops
Countless woes
Suspended for eternity
It's a gloomy day

The whole world may turn against me but I'd be alright. As long as you're by my side, I am invincible.

My life may travel through a tunnel of terror and misery but I'd be alright. You are my light, my guide and my direction.

I may face the sunrise and its mystery alone but I'd be alright. As long as my sun sets with you, I am whole.

When I think about love
All I feel is pain
Man from yesterday
You took my heart away
Yet, I maunder out and about
A winding road called life
Man from yesterday
I've met you today
Or have I really?
Flashing a smile so different
Just like another circus trick
This cursed world of mine
Man from yesterday
I look down the hall
And there you are
A bus driver
A lecturer
A soldier
A friend
Why won't you leave me
Man from yesterday
When I think about love
All I feel is pain.