and to you
I make myself
           a gift
to be held in palm
unwrapped
s l o w l y,
an
       ever-
evolving
apparition of
            sculpture,
       malleable
yet firm,
with backbone
  
       and as you trace
your fingers
upon the small
      of it,
running them
               over
slopes
         of spine
watching my skin
          slip from
rough ache han
                     gi
                         ng
to
smooth quake
know that
      underneath
crisp wrappings
of papery
         gossamer
beats the ultimate
of ceremonial offerings:
the present of
       my presence,
fiery,
            pulsing
shimmering like
blood on lava
ready for you
to dip your
      heart into
         lips parting
as my breath fills your
     spirit's cavern
slick dip
        of opening
as you draw
    shadows from
my deepest
Cimmerian caves
  ******* them through  
in siphon's pull
to the side of light
        until
around you and
deep inside
you split
me
  oh so gently
and fully
completely
    apart

Nyx as our witness

I counted stars that weren’t there

Just to lay longer

Why am I hear ?
Why must my body endure this ?
I know what I must do
Shut it all off
Become emotionless
That's what I must do
What i always do
And I'll do it
For forever

I keep staring into space
I feel lost
Usually my mind is everywhere
Now I can't find it
It's gone
Just like my emotions
Just like my humanity
Forever

I thought the rumble of elephants
chasing me down a path of unknown
would scare me
I thought the skeletons
creeping out of my closet
would scare me
I thought late night walks home with no
shadow to protect me
would send shivers through me
I thought looking into the future
to find what was next
would scare me
I thought nightmares that surpass
the dream catchers grip
would scare me
Who would have known
love
ran right past and swooped in
giving me nothing
but the constant dread
of losing it

Why?
Why don’t you notice?

Why can’t you hear my screams for help?
Why do you ignore my midnight sobs
Echoing off my cold and empty walls,
Bouncing into the dark abyss of loneliness

Why can’t you see my calls for help?
Why don’t you notice my sliced wrists,
Dyeing every long sleeve in my closet
Staining more than just my clothes
Why don’t you notice the red seeping from my socks?
The makeshift bandages overflowing my trashcan,
The seven pairs of now red high-tops overflowing my closet


Why don’t you hear my silent sobs?
Pulling me deeper and deeper into an ocean of tears,
Consuming what’s left of my broken, shattered heart

Why don’t you hear my midnight thoughts,
Pinning my eyes open until the sun rises again,
Pulling me deeper into the cold pit you call exhaustion

Why don’t you see me?
Do you think I bandage my ankles because I cut them while shaving?
Do you think I wear high-tops because they’re fashionable?
Do you think I wear long sleeves and pants because I’m cold?
Do you think that I can’t sleep because of high-school stress?
Do you think that I am fine?

Why don’t you hear my screams for help?
Why can’t you my screams of silence?