Looking into his eyes
The first thing I see is you
I see you crying
Watching me look at him
the way you wanted me to look at you
While tears roll down his cheek
I know what it feels like
To watch the person you love
Fall in love with someone else

Because of love
I became broken
But because of love
it also fixed me
And because of self love
I grew

A "mother" is not only a woman that gives birth to you

A mother is...

someone that supports you
loves you unconditionally
accepts you for who you are
make mistakes
argues with you
wants the best for you
makes sacrifices for her family
and so on

Sadly

that's someone I didn't get
Yes
I have a mother
but only because she gave birth to me
She automatically gets the title
but in my heart she doesn't feels like a mother
especially MY mother
She's only my birth giver

I feel like a stranger in my own home
Even though I have both my parents
it only feels like I live with single parent

Because of her
I cringe when mother day comes around
Because of her
I hate receiving rewards or getting ready for my game
because she is never there for me
Because of her
I keep all my accomplishments to myself
because when I told her about it she didn't care
Because of her
I hate my body and developed symptoms of anorexia  
all because when I was little she constantly told me I was fat
when I really wasn't
Because of her
I'm scared to say emotional speeches
because I watch other people thank their "mom" for being their for them
or turning our the way they did
me
I freeze because I have nobody to thank besides myself
Because of her
I hate myself
I don't feel good enough
for her
Because of her
I don't know what love is and I try to find it in others
Because of her
I want to
die
Because of her
I cried today during my therapy session
because I was explaining to my counselor about my mom
I cried because
I realized how alone I really was
and how I really don't have
what you call a "mother"
She asked me what hurts the most
and I replied
not having a mother

A lot of things are
Because of her

Will I ever get better ?
Be honest
Can you actually heal someone as broken as me ?
Are you saying all these lies
So I have something to hold onto
when in reality I'm just holding onto nothing
Or is it so you can say you helped me
when people start asking questions
on why I committed suicide
But please be honest with me
will I ever be ok?