an awkward feeling
that is buoyant belittlement
watching them converse
directly in front of me

im sharing a space
in contemplation
weither or not i
should leave or not

i finally feel welcome
and yet, it's not
the welcome i
truly want

it's like spike hugs
or poisonous kisses
the midas touch
withering sunlight

i feel almost too much
at ease now, as if
they have never thought
of me as anything other
than weak

i long for the pinnacle of comfort
to be remembered and cherished
even in sleep and away from all

she said: "i'm pretty when i cry"
oh , how i relate to her so deep
for when i tear up, i feel weak
and yet i feel so warm and in
my skin, so comfortable and
all the more scarier through
my convulsing body
at ease

interwoven bodies everywhere
frightening weights of "love"
they almost make me gag, this
fake admiration for another
and yet, i find myself wishing
for that same close company
all despite my irks

life is
frame by frame;

pose by pose
skin by skin
smile by smile
frown by frown
love by love
hate by hate
friendship by
friendship,
doubt by
doubt