I started gaming when I was 5 years old. My first game was Pokémon yellow. Many things have changed in my life through the years, but my love for gaming has stayed. I still get amazed by video games. It’s amazing that you can put a disk in a box and it pops up as moving pictures on another box THAT YOU CAN CONTROL. It had intricacies that I will never understand, like the human brain. One of my favorite games is dark souls. I love it its brutal, unforgiving difficulty. If I’m being honest, my game of life sometimes feels as hard as dark souls, but in dark souls when I was facing Ornstein and Smough after two days of nonstop dying to them I decided to take a break and turn of the console. I didn’t come back for a few days and then I turned my console back on and figured out how to beat them. I can’t do that with real life. Like when I was battling that boss depression. Yeah, I could go do other stuff, but I know to continue on with life at some point I would have to go and beat the boss, because it’s looming presence was always there. My other option was to turn it off and end life there, but with life there is no coming back later. It’s not as simple as turning the console back on and picking up right back where you left off. I can’t blow into any cartridge hoping I would work again. There is no back-up save files, checkpoints to return to, or even a home screen where I can start again. In video games though, death doesn’t really mean anything. Ya it can ****, but you come back and keep on going. This is where video games as an art show their true beauty at least to me. In games I see reasons to live. Not saying I’m alive because of games. However, games show me things such as a beautiful world with lots to accomplish, fun adventures the main character gets to go on, wonderful romance situations that can bring a tear to your eye, friends that you can trust and are always there for; things like these that I sometimes forget are in my game too. I then realize there is so much left to my game, and one day my system will turn off for good, but there is no reason I should be the one to hit the power button.

I promise I’m fine
Freaking out on the inside because I feel like the whole world is against and my anxiety is eat me from the inside out
Irritating at least that’s the only logic reason nobody I ever love loves me back
Noxious to myself with any edged object sharp enough to pierce my skin in hopes that this cutting will take all the other pain
Extreme insane sometimes I feel like I might belong in a loony bin for how crazy I am
But you don’t care about any of that so I’m fine

Walking by, you look at me
Hey hows it going you ask
I look into your eyes trying to muster the most convincing look I can
I say great
The words falling out of my mouth like the last drips of blood
Out of this cold soul because I know I’m dead inside

i knew this dreadful day was going to come
without you in my life i will have to overcome
i remember every moment we spent together
we would always have fun no matter if there was bad whether
but all those moments are is memories
memories that have become a part of what makes me
now their being torn out of my heart forever
i might just say it's whatever, that's not how i feel however
i tell myself that there is nothing to fear
but you don't know how much it's going to hurt without you here
you were my first love, best friend
supposed to be together till the very end
but now its like you were not even real
i just have to get use to how this feels
because after today you're gone just as if you died
i promised i wouldn't cry
but tomorrow thats all i can do
because i'll be without you

you text me and tell me you realize i'm not your friend
nothing could be further from the truth i'll be there till the end
after you tried to take your life i met you
but i made sure you knew
that i would be there for all you go through
i tell you i like you
you tell me nobody truly cares
i do and i know i'm not the only one out there
you say its not my job to comfort you
but i'm your friend its what i do
you say "I'm sorry for being me"
what is there to be sorry for you're great can't you see
i'm not going to stop caring for you and leave you like a stray
Hope, you have a nice day

I am told to love you with all I am.
I fail you yet you don't tell me to scram.
I break your heart over and over since my first breath.
Still for me you put your own son to death.
No matter how far i run you will always chase.
Even though when you want to talk i put my finger in your face
Every sin that i am ever to commit.
On the cross you took the blame for it.
You given me all i have even though i didn't ask.
You are the only one that saw me without my mask.
You still love me even though you know my past.
I have to know are you actually the real.
i am putting all my hope and i can't be left here with all i feel.

No matter how many people try to ask.
I make sure they never get a glimpse behind the mask.
Because i am afraid that they will hate me for my past.
If they do i feel i will go straight into an outcast.
And i am afraid that i will be all alone.
I know i can't handle living this life all on my own.
So i make sure the mask is on tight.
But will it last until I go into the light.
What if it breaks, its hiding so much it just might.