I know I’ve said erasing it
                Is not facing it
And that to face something takes bravery
Well, I’m done crying
And I’m sick of waiting
For something that will never happen

I’m sorry I missed you
And that I fell for
                “unconditional” love provided
Through thick and thin
Until the final spin
When you split

Slowly but surely
                You erased the happiness
The love we had
For one another
Slide it under the cover
To be buried with me

Now, it’s my turn
Never thought it'd come to this
                So much for learning to trust
Instead ill learn to erase
And delete every last place
I secretly hold you in

I faced it
                And I took the beating hard
While he ran
And left me standing
On a ledge looking up, praying
For answers

I’m done hurting
Done with thinking you won’t leave
                That you couldn’t have left
So I’m going to block you
From my memories for a new
Day that I will get through

You **** me like a stripper
Then you **** me like a *****
But in the end you love me
While we’re rolling on the floor

You make me moan
And I make you roar
But also whisper you love me
And always know when I need more

You wrap your hands around my throat
And tell me to beg again
But your hands also caress me
And lips kiss me times ten

You tie me up and make me blind
And throw me across the room
But your eyes say that you love me
And my hearts love full-blooms

You turn me around and squeeze tight
And pull me by the hair
But I know our love is flawless
What would I do without you here?

Apparently I’m just a bipolar *****
And apparently the "friends" I did have are too
So what I don’t understand, is how you can judge me
Because honestly? You don’t have a CLUE

******* please step down from your tower
I’m sick of these games
And how you have all this power
That you’re constantly abusing

You can leave me if you really want
Because there’s enough battles I have fought
And I don’t need you telling them
Who can be my friend, and who cannot

But if you think I’m another lost cause
You can **** on your words
As I sit back and applause
Your “valiant” effort in saving me

And they say she’s got the fellas
Well aint she just a Bella
Wasted in the dawns of time
Another margarita, another lime

But she knows she’s got her mother
Who won’t put up with another
Record score of sixty nine
She keeps them waiting in a line

She won’t let down her guard again
Won’t be easy for another pen
Fifteen, she’s off the rack
Now she’s gotta make it back

Alive, in her tattered dress
Walking alone on the streets a mess
Listening to drunken shouts
Just trying to find her way out

Head up tall
Make sure you don’t fall
Promise yourself you’ll be better
Next time they’ll be no more keggers

Because this girl is not who you are
You don’t ditch your friends for a guy at the bar
It’s time to get your **** together kid
Because next time may not be undid

liar liar heart on fire
let me clip this one last wire
then youll fall down, ******* cryer

hang the noose
it'll be our truce
give me one more chance to roll a deuce

loving isn't hating
and promising isn't faking
please stop my heart from breaking

liar liar heart on fire
as it swings to stop the dyer
beat again and take me higher

look with those beautiful eyes
stop telling all of these lies
quit trying to deny

loving is whats made for you
you know me, i love you too
hating me just isn't true

liar liar heart on fire
give back in, to your desire
with a truth i will admire

Slice me in half
And look at my insides
Do you see what you wanted
Everything you’ve denied?

Bite away the bruises
That you don’t want to eat
Maybe while your at it
You'll throw me to your feet

Carefully dissect me
Before you take all of me in
Watch out for the worms
Which crawl around within

But don’t I look so pretty?
As I shine down from that tree
Red, and ripe, and delicious
Confined within my dignity

From the outside I am perfect
-ly proportioned to your liking
Yet on the inside you keep finding
Everything disgusting

Eat away at all the beauty
Which I try and try to keep
Till nothing is here to cover m
My core is naked, and I weep

did it help?

feed a cold
starve the child
ponder this for a little while

feed the addiction
starve the child
its ok if your belt whips wild

feed the economy
starve the child
another beer for the tab unpiled

feed your weakness
starve the child
of a childhood profiled

feed your infamy
starve the child
of a sober father compiled

was it worth it?

There is no love in ***, honey
Here we only do it for the money
We do it before we become old hags
We do it for that feel good drag

Bang, bang, choo choo train
Wrap her up into those chains
Give her your best shot
What about those gels you bought?

Maybe we should play a game
You be the bad boy I should tame
Teach you a lesson
No asking any questions

Make her moan
She’ll make you groan
Until a knocking at the door
And the next day she’s called a *****

So says the media
Everyone wants a piece of ya
*** shorty shake it down
Show them how you run the town

She’s the queen bee
There on her knees
Hey, he said down in front
So now she’ll have to make him grunt

**** that, I make them say please
They all think I’m just a tease
But I like it
So I won’t quit

**** me like a rolling stone
Go ahead feed me the bone
Nice girls finish last
Good thing nice girl’s in the past

She stares at the walls which encompass her life
Unsure why she can’t run through them at night
There she sits for countless years
Only to be kept prisoner by her deepest fears

She carries herself like a book with a smile
Judged by the cover, they all want a trial
Yet she’s bound tight by glittering stitches
To hide all of her unhinged glitches

She cannot keep still for half of a second
Dreading the moments she hears a small beckon
Left alone in the mind of a girl
Whose thoughts are dangerous when unfurled

She sees lovers dancing, living in dreams
Not all in this world is what is seems
You ask this girl what’s on her mind: she lies
For all she can do is deny

She carries burdens further every day
Unsure who will let her stay
Focus, let it all be clear
Then drown it out with another beer

She’s not certain who there is left to trust
In a life filled with unwavering lust
Pop another pill, smoke another stick
Anything to lessen the weight of bricks

She stares at these four walls and wants a door
Instead she lies down on the floor
All of these secrets kept inside bars
Filled with loud base and red guitars

She wanders these streets, quiet and obsolete
Who will be next on this long list of cheats
Cold whiskey, bright eyes, and stiletto knives
Where to go next in this web of lies

She floats out of her cage, up to the stars
Leaving the ***** and a hole in her yard
Bury the past, leave behind the secrets
Along with her heart, so no one can take it

She paints her road with glitter and oils
Maybe someday she’ll even be royal
But leave it with this much that will remain true
She’ll never be coming back for you.

you mock a pig
so I laugh at your
self righteousness

you say they take all they can get
when you resent what you can't

so I laugh at the
hypocritical and contradictory words
running from your mouth

and walk away slowly
while listening to you scream for me to
run back

I just keep getting up for the let down

What the **** is wrong with people in this town?

Telling you to be who you are

But then laughing about your hidden scars



When I was little?

I saw the TRUTH

I saw past the innocent years of my youth

And when you cried, I refused to back away

I will always be here, for you, here to stay



Now we play games

And hide behind walls of white lies

But can’t you see this past we just can’t deny?

I refuse to let go, I refuse to give in

Because in this life you’ve got two choices

                -Sink or swim



Well, I chose to keep going

And I choose to see past

Everything, that I let slip away too fast

This next shot I’m taking

Though my hands won’t stop shaking

I take aim, and squeeze these eyes tight

                [Swoosh]



I won’t fall tonight

I will keep these feelings right

-underneath this dress of armor

Keeping those out from my heart

Keep it locked up, keep it closed in

Don’t always follow what’s screaming from within



Block out those tiny voices- let them

Falter into whispers

Prevent your heart’s swooning by another mister

And when you look to the sky

Never, ever, close those bright blue eyes

Because baby, your love is just in disguise

***** money speaks for itself
As our secrets stack higher than towers
And our eyes hungry, devour

***** honeys sit on the shelf
‘Til their broken down without power
And their eyes hungry, devour

***** bodies, are you yourself?
Their breaking down our armor
And all eyes hungry, devour

I.
Secrets Erupting
Silently pouring from me
Volcanoes can ****




II.
Lava burns to dust
as my world quickly quakes
and turns to Black Stone




III.
You can Dig me up
a thousand years my Future
to find out my Past

I remember when pink tights
Were classier than skin tight
And those days when I looked up to the sky
Not because my friend just died, but because it was pretty
When the ice cream man wasn’t a creep
Just a nice jolly man staying off the streets
           Giving me ice cream when mommy wouldn’t
I remember playing my mixed tapes
Without thinking about the next ipod6 point oh
The time when I walked to the edge of my driveway just to sing
Not because I wanted to run from everything
The days when punishment was not being allowed to play outside
        Now punishment follows you till the day you die
I remember using my imagination to build myself a new world
Full of color and swirls and ice cream and day long trips to the playground
The times I couldn’t think straight because laughter wouldn’t stop ringing
       Ringing, ringing in my ears

Now I’m forced to fall down, bow down;
Hell bound in a society which does not forgive
Forced to swallow your huge fists and cheap tricks without a tear
        Swallow, swallow, don’t spit *****, swallow
Pick up those bricks lined on the sidewalk named time and enemy
And carry them to your next destination
Where you can drop them off while you pick up memory
Let’s take a walk down memory lane and see where it leads us
        The next ally is hell
Hell, maybe your memories take you somewhere different
I hope they take you places I never went
Places I plan on going someday, someway
       When everything changes
Changes like the leaves change during autumn
Jingles like the change in my pocket; echoing as I walk the silent streets
Attempting to be discreet; but jingling nonetheless
As I walk up to the man who pushed me down, watched as I drowned
And sock it to him
        Right in the face; Put him in his place
Because there is no place for him in my life
No place like home, no place like home
       Home was hell
And trust me; there is no place like the fires and wrath you’ll feel if you come home
       Ill be home for Christmas darling
Because isn’t this the life you wanted, isn’t daddy oh so charming
As he kicks us down the stairs and screams that he just doesn’t care
Thanks for the memories
Yea; I’ll be sure to stomp one to him
And rub the dog **** off my sneaker while I’m at it
Hopefully some of the spit he spat at Me will wipe off too
So yea, sure… I remember
       But I’m moving on
On and onward towards the lights shining brighter than the sun
To a place where the oceans so calm drown the fires
A place where they deny all the liars
       All but one
                Me
Because I spent my life wrapped up in my lies
Tied down by everything I tried to deny
Chained to the past as my mind ****** my future
Mind ****** out of my own mind and into another’s without a ******
Nobody knew what they were getting themselves into
       Until I gave them a piece of my disease
A little bit of my depression
Made its own kind of impression
On everyone who made an attempt to understand
But enough about that-- I’m not here to chit chat
About what I’m moving past
       As long as I pass all of my classes
Despite those, I’m pouncing forward
When I get out of here I'll jump to the moon
       Watch me
Someday I’ll have a new way with a new mood and a new dude
Who will know, but won’t be fooled by the show
Instead he’ll know my truest laughter
And he’ll know that the past doesn’t matter
Because I am me
       Let me be
And I will continue to live and breathe and smile for awhile and cry when I lie
And drink with my shrink and laugh with power during this hour of MY time

It’s my time to shine

the world is one ****** up, crazy, beautiful place.
we are all bipolar in our own minds and confused with our existance
we make something of ourselves based on the lies we are fed everyday
we judge  everyone and EVERYTHING, because we are always comparing
we are always ready to compare something to another thing
and that is what makes us so ******* disgusting
STOP.
and ******* listen.
listen to the steady beat of a child, and a rapidly chaotic beating of one on the brink of death

listen to the racial slurs and gender specifications and ****** orientations we implement every day

listen to the laughter and to the sobbing and to the screaming of a ‘happy’ home

listen to the gunshots and tortured souls and heartbroken soldiers footsteps on foreign land

******* listen to the things which make human beings human

women are not plastic and molded exactly the same to be sold in window displays at the mall

soldiers are not heartless and unbreakable to the bone

children who laugh are not always happy, naiive and carefree

why do we always have to listen to the media or to our best friends or our families opinions?
you have your own brain and heart
use them, and  stand up for yourself, for others, for the world
because the world cannot heal by itself
we need to act.
now.

You were supposed to be my best friend
But I can’t find you under your skin
          [where are you hiding?]
I’ve looked to where the sidewalk ends
I’m afraid to walk around the bend

You used to be the one who loved
Now you’ve disappeared
          [invisible to be invincible]
While I’m stuck here fighting
Trying to win you back, but losing

You should have been the one to trust
That I could make it through
          [past the thorns and over the bodies]
The past I should have buried
No decisions should have varied

You would have been stronger for me
But now you push me down
            [silence can be deadly]
And I’m done fooling around
My feelings have unwound

You could be my one true friend
Though I guess you want it to end
            [But I miss your awkward laughter]
Our bonding over obnoxious behavior
I miss you as my anchor

Play off “Where I’m From” written by George Ella Lyon


I am from novels
From thrillers and believers
I am from the roots which keep me grounded
(Deep, Strong
Holding me up right)
I am from the graveyard
A haunting gaze
Whose eyes have seen violence
And tears turned to stone

I am from flashing lights and late nights
From whiskey and cottonmouth
I’m from the runaways
And the poets
From shut up and get out
I’m from please forgive me
With baby, it’ll be okay
And honey he’s better now

I’m from a conventional home
With grilled chicken and extra veggies
From the innocence I have lost
To a monster
The blue eyes I keep shut tight
Under my pillow was a knife
Spilling broken dreams
A sift of faces
To drift beneath my nightmares
I am from these moments—
Snapped before I budded—
Blooming towards the roads ahead

Street smart
Street art
Street rat
That’s what they call her

Awake and taking prey
On every moment
of warmth,  Of sincerity,
Of falling ice , of prosperity

Street rat wandered down too far
Coward away buried in herself
No one could see her nor did they care
For a little old street rat couldn't compare

Street art took the next right down
Her beauty glows as she devours the unknown
The back stands tall and the quick strides progress
Stared down and pondered by all the rest

Street smart went the whole ten yards
He world is a brutal place
But they will accept my wingspan
As she loads her bags with spray cans

We come  t o g t h e r  to stand as ONE
And paint the freedom of respect
On this city we will one day call our own
we will not sway; our passion is stone

Spread the message that we are strong
we see with our real eyes  
But can we see all of the lies
Before its too late, can we realize?
And overcome.TOGETHERASONE.

She stumbles down these roads which lie
A thousand miles to get her by
But which path is the road she’s taken
Lies awake for a past mistaken
As a choice

It was not her choice

She was beat, forced down on knees bruised black
Told her she had not a chance for attack
But you sit there and call her a *****
For acts she’s only been told to do before
It was not her choice

As a choice

She ran farther than black roads could take her
Past those who said they did her a favor
But where can she turn on a path without light
All she can see are the stars in the night
As a choice

It was not her choice

She lied awake, and tried to scream
Wrote it all down in her pages unseen
But now her past has come to haunt them
Because of her memories she’s condemned
It was not her choice

As a choice

She runs faster than crashing waves
Through lines of friends that go for days
But who will save her if she falls
She’s running so fast, after all
As a choice

It was not her choice

your fingertips

linger

and icicles

whisper

while snow

filters

the windows

sparkle

the past

unseen

leaves me

clean

I’m running on empty
Numb to the roughest touch
But if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t hear me scream
Despite the fact that you haunt my dreams

I woke up in tears the other day
Wouldn’t mean anything to you though
I think about you all the time
But the only way you’d hear me is through my rhymes

Even though I know you never read them
Because when you shut me out
I was shut out for good
To get your attention I did everything I could

But iv never found anybody quit like you
And every day I realize I gave that up
When I went down my path of hell
And you bid me your last farewell

You used to love me
I never thought you’d stop fighting
I cried, and I fought for you
I never realized how much I loved you too

You told me to never give up
To especially never give up on somebody you love
But you gave up on me first
And I think that’s what hurt the worst

I try to block you out
‘Im working on just being okay
But I feel like there still so much left to say
And I just wish you’d come back more everyday

when I was little
I Climbed a thousand trees
Ran through dark forests
and Scraped my knees
but I Picked myself up
Every Time I Fell Down
the Smile of my Youth
Turned everything Around

when I was a child
I saw people for the Truth
I saw in their eyes the Miles
of Hurt or Pain with No Proof
but what I Didn’t notice
was the Pain inside my heart
I didn’t understand this,
was Tearing me Apart

when I was a preteen
I started to like boys
I found out girls are mean
and that men Treat you like Toys
but even though They Hurt Me
I kept Pushing myself Forward
thought I could make them See
that everything was Backward

when I turned 16
I fell Down a Spiraled black hole
Tried to walk the streets Unseen
at least Never Showing what he Stole
Silently I Suffered
Blood falling Down my arms
my whole Reality was altered
but I set off no Alarms

when I turned _ _
I looked back on my life
and what I Realized
was how my back took that Knife
I’m definitely Happy
don’t deny me what I’m Feeling
but when my days go ******
I now know what He was Stealing

when I Grew Up
I was 14 years old
my Eyes had gotten Darker
and my blood was running Cold
my Innocence had been Stolen
while I tried to Find My Dreams
Instead those dreams were Broken
and No one heard my Screams

to those who are living in a dream
while i survive the human condition
its not as easy as it may seem
reflecting the words
they think
suit me,
suit me up
in this casket
of lies i am being fed
while they pry my mouth open
but i am refusing to speak, refusing
to tell the judgment that I am not weak
I will keep my past bottled up, and
when the day comes I will break
that bottle, and out will come
an ocean of emotions
but not now,
not now
these waves
remain inside of
this bottle holding the
keys, to my heart, my soul
my past, my present, my future
they do exist, and one day I will find
the hammer to smash open these
clear glass lies being forced
down my throat, scratching
until my lungs cave in
but i wont give up
i refuse
to give
up
so I
swim to
the surface
gasp for air and
know that I will make
it worth the fight I fought
the ocean of lies will not defeat
me, and I will remain on the surface
of the life I never chose to live

We cry behind cold stares
While thoughts prevail behind the stair-
Cases winding deep and sharp
Careful of the steepest part

We hide behind fake smiles
While inside our bones break-
Ing down the final door
Locked to keep out memory’s war

We shrink behind our lovely lies
While still the past you can’t deny-
Ingly walking straight on toward
A future broken and uncured

We laugh to keep our feet in motion
While sinking underneath the ocean-
Waves so high they can’t be beat
You’ll die unknown and obsolete

She opens her heart
Like a window
For some fresh air

Listens to the winds
And love songs
Chirped from up high

She’s trying to see
What lies on
The other side of her pane

Looking out to the sky
But the sun’s glare
Still impairs her vision

Where has our honesty gone?
The world is spinning out of perspective

Individualists
More like conventionalists

Wanting to be a free soul
Instead, we’re losing control

How do we define different?

“Different
            A pseudo-polite way of saying something is unpleasantly weird or unacceptable”                      [www.urbandictionary.com]


What about individual?

“individual
         Individual's may actually conform, just to prove that they are individual from other individuals...
        There is no definition of an individual, for to define an individual is hideously oxymoronic.”                     [www.urbandictionary.com]

All of these rules and ideologies
Which become more like mythologies

Giving us a…what… purpose?
Because without one were all worthless?

How does the media propel
Drive some great minds down to hell

But wait, sometimes those scars
Are not the real person they are

What about the girl next door
Is she perfect? Or is she a *****

How come the prepped up ****
Gets a thousand girls to put his ****-
-Y  attitude towards

What about all those hipsters
“individualists” in all their glister

PROTOTYPES
We are always followed

“To be, or not to be”
Now THAT  is a real question

Why cant we all just BE

F R E E

Within our own minds
Refuse ourselves to be confined

But no matter where we go
The world will be a tv show
[scripted and masked]

Because the crazy professor who screamed in the crowd
Did a small scene from a movie out loud

And the individualist across the street
Got her haircut from Georgia O’deet

While the artist down the road
Saw his painting when it snowed

Though its obvious we refuse to admit defeat
Individual doesn’t march to its own beat

I need you
Right now
As I’m falling
Blindly flailing
Out of control
    Flashbacks
To painful lies
And scarlet lines
Sprawled open
My life is
No fairytale
Cover to cover
    We all have
Our own demons
To fight
Our own dreams
Tonight
Our own nightmares
Today

I need you
To heal me
Because I’m slipping
Too quickly
The ember lies
Are catching blaze
    I had to
Back far away
From that knife
That could end
    His life
But bring me
Down deeper
Past the hell
I face everyday

I need you
Tonight
Because these lips
So sealed tight
    Are cracking
And they’re bleeding
While my tears
Are drowning
Those dreams
     For my future

So, please
I need you
Hold me tight

If I’m falling won’t you catch me
Instead you let me crash
Through the sticks and the stones
You threw as apologies

But the worst thing, I think
Is that I let you tell me
Magical words of “love” and “harmony”
Only to leave with “bye”

Still I get up and stand tall
I don’t need a wonder wall
To get me through that endless ray
Where I can finally find the sun

Being weak again fills my fear
I will not be stuck again
Tumbling through the waves
Of broken promises you made

I need to stand tall, straight
Plant my two solid feet
And grow a new perspective
On this thing called love

Get me out of this skin
Stop these words and sins
They’re crawling within

My motto’s overrated
And my rep is getting jaded
I’m falling again

Red lipstick, pearl bits
Cover up those hits
Silence the cries

We don’t need another
Fake, replace the other
*****, go hide

Get her out of that skin
Or wait for her spin
Out of control

Her motto’s overrated
Sprawled on the pavement
Kicking her ribs

Red bruises, heartaches
Hearing her bones break
Showing the lies

We don’t need another
Fake, story-line or
Smile, all smiles

Get them out of her skin
Monsters are crawling within
Lifetimes she’ll deny

Sometimes I feel I have to pull away
Get away
Run away
So the winds won’t catch me
And these vines won’t trap me
where I’ll just be stuck
Again
With nothing

Now I keep trying to sprint fast
Away from the past
To find myself without needing
The one thing I’m never seeing
This invisibility cloak
Is now only starting to choke me

There are times when I want to run back
Straight into those arms
That picked me up high
-er than the bright blue sky
And took me places where I felt loved
Those arms that held me
Once, upon a time

Now, I need to keep my head high
Tell myself a little white lie
That I am happy
When inside my head is screaming
For time to just stop
Ticking
Ticking
Ticking

As it slowly winds un-sane
Keep in mind it’s all a game
Beg for mercy from the spawn
To let you slip
Too fast, too slow
No grasp, No more
ticking

perfect example
of a disaster
calm, serene, sunny day
not even the slightest chance of grey
then BAM

it hits

a huge wave of reality
crashes into my face
with its angry force
that bubbles under my lid
and floods over

it drowns

everyone in my path
because these emotions can
**** you in
yea, i can ride the wave
for awhile, until

it crashes

and im sinking into
the dark depths of my mind
sinking under the crystal blue
that once told me
it'll be OK

it thunders

louder than the silence
of his lies, my cries
white rapids force a struggle
to reach the surface
of myself

it ripples

and i begin to see through
the surface tension
this can be made right
this doesnt end tonight
frantic movements stir the water

it quiets

thinking is easier
extend arms up
push water down
break the surface
gasp for air

it whispers

the waves are calm
but lives are lost
my city lies deep below
it will always haunt me
am i still alive

it survives

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster under my bed
Hes been under there for
Quite some time
And bedtime I now dread

Hunny, there are no monsters
‘mommy, please just listen!’
Just close your eyes
And itll be okay
Eventually dreamland will glisten

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster under my desk
Its lurking in the shadows
Of my chair
Hes being so grotesque

Listen dear, there are no monsters
Close those lids
Picture puppies in a field
Running with butterflies
And playing with kids

Mommy mommy come quick!
Theres a monster in my closet
I know hes there
Please sleep in here
Stay all night and watch it

Babygirl, there are no monsters
Now close your eyes and rest
Relax your mind
And breathe deeply
Tonight you will sleep your best

Mommy mommy come quick!
The monster is out right now
He is kneeling at my bedside
His hands are running through my sheets
I want to disappear somehow

But he wont leave
His fingers keep wandering
Mommy, I don’t like this massage
Please make him go away
And save me from all of this hurting

My wires are
tangled up
Strangled up
And tied tight
To the chains
Keeping me down

Its time
I know
I saw the flier
Time to
Get some pliers
**** this wire

Disconnected
But the freedom
Feels too good
To go back
I wont go back
Never again
Cant hold me down

These scars
Burned on by
Hot wires strangling
While I was dangling
Above the surface
No arms
To catch me

Twisted
Red to black
Blue to yellow
Orange to white
Wrong, wrong, wrong
Get your head
******* on right

**** these wires
And your jeans
On fire
Cause you’re the liar
While I fought
But im done
I wont go back
I wont feel that


No going back
im too wired
to look back
just head forward
dont look back
chin up straight
blood is pumping
time for something

I wanted to be Irreplaceable
Not just Smart and Beautiful

like a Van Gogh painting Starry night
a Range of motion you can’t Hold tight

Trace my every painterly stroke
hold too Tight ill only Choke

but as I walk out into those fields
I cast Away that armor and shield

and run straight to that Unclear Figure
who Pulls my hand off of that Trigger

Still, Life has become to me
I can’t say you will ever Clearly see

anything I put on My Canvas
until Long after I’m Buried with this

Beauty, in Painted layers, Deep
My final portrait is for You to Keep

Guess I am single
Maybe ready to mingle
Yet
Every time I put the effort in
My heart is taken for a spin

Downtown
Where I’m left to drown
Smiling
Because I told myself no
That this happiness would all be a show

But I guess I’m too easy
Cause your silence makes me queasy
Today
All I wanted was our old talks
Or even go for a little walk

We could talk for hours
Underneath the showers
Of stars
Brightening my day
Because I thought it'd all be okay

I warned myself to never trust
Or turn myself in to this lust
Inside
For your sincerity
Instead I’m turned into a new parody

the love you have is reckless
and the mind sets fallen too
and in your madness youve pulled us
down this spiral of a chute

we put you before our own love
when the truth we can never conceive
like the cold, plastic, mirror you hold
to stare at yourself and tease

we know all about your weakness
and weve fallen for tricks of despair
yet the truth is theres too much love
for yourself, theres none to share

you threaten the world with a razor
text all your friends, "nows the time"
"im gonna do it for real, i swear,
because the love i have aint worth a dime"

yet deep inside your pockets
the gold and silver grows
your heart burns in its fire
while your voice prepares for the "low"

the actress you have dreamt to be
slithers out of you every day
while all of your 'friends' stand here crying
waiting to see your body pulled, from the bay

though your mind thrills itself with laughter
as it thinks of all of those fools
who stand in the crowd waiting
as the ambulence takes out their tools

but your body has slithered back home
with the purpose and love held with pride
it is selfish of you, ******* selfish
when you think of those who've really died

quit playing the part, lifes no thriller
nobody likes the antagonist *****
and everyone knows deep inside
your body will never end up in a ditch

the marks on your arms are your make-up
not funny to those who feel the drag
of the razor so sharp it can sting you
while you walk with your shopping bags

i know this game, which your playing
in all terms its become rather pathetic
and when you run to me begging
ill stare, and then laugh, im apathetic

towards this character you have created
from the bottom of your selfish mind
i know not to trust you ever
because girl, youre one of a kind

She unzips slowly down her spine
Will you be her valentine?
Lips to linger at your kiss
Soft hands reach for wanted bliss

Who will save this girl defined
Untamed, reckless valentine

Someone love her as she’s wished
Hold her tight, do not vanish
Show her there is love this time
Since you’ll be her valentine

Slice me in half
And look at my insides
Do you see what you wanted
Everything you’ve denied?

Bite away the bruises
That you don’t want to eat
Maybe while your at it
Youll throw me to your feet

Carefully dissect me
Before you take all of me in
Watch out for the worms
Which crawl around within

But don’t I look so pretty?
As I shine down from that tree
Red, and ripe, and delicious
Confined within my dignity

From the outside I am perfect
-ly proportioned to your liking
Yet on the inside you keep finding
Everything disgusting

Eat away at all the beauty
Which I try and try to keep
Till nothing is here to cover me
My core is naked, and I weep

I kept telling myself I wasn’t crazy
That I would stick it high, and maybe
Pull myself through this barbed wire
With a little help that’ll take me higher

But it seems these pills aren’t working
Still, in fact their just distorting
All my dreams and aspirations
Please shut down my imagination

Cause these lies are plain and tasteless
I’m not sure how much longer I'll take this
Naivety dressed its best
As my friends blend with the rest

I hope my heart knows this last truth
And that I won’t be a wasted youth
I may be young and reckless
But I sure as hell will never be backless

I stormed the mountain peaks so high
And I’ll push on through til the day I die
With my dignity understood by all
As for now I'll try to walk more tall

The more I say it isn’t true
The more I realize what I feel for you
You wish it wouldn’t, but it does
There are the few who see past the flaws

I keep on trying to look forward
Past these silent screamings murmured
Through the shattered glass and fears
I’ll go beyond wisdom of my years

sometimes it hurts so much
that dull ache turns sharp
heart-breaKer
**** taker
*****, make her

crawl on her kNees to get to you
tear away her skin
and make her sin, for you

love hurts, after all
in its twisted Games
OF placing the blame
it's all on her heart-
break her

til Her bones snap
and she falls flat
Enough for you to walk over
her fragile frame
whose fault to blame?

when we all play love
by its unruled chart
and try to create Art
where words can't be spoken
hearts will be bRoken

he'll Take her there
where alls fair- in love and war
she can't take anymore
but her Silence is golden

Mama always told me
Happy people have friends
So I smile smile smile
Laugh laugh, giggle
Until my stomach shakes
Forcing me to purge more laughter
                    Even Though my heart quakes

She said
People like happy people
So I brush up those pearly whites
Ruby up those pretty lips
And give people all my attention
Forcing myself to smile, smile
              Tears hanging in suspension

Mama always said smile
It’s the key to a healthy life
So I smile smile smile
Laugh laugh, choke
On all of my lifetime’s lies
Forcing those baby blues shut tight
                Nobody can read these eyes

She said
That we weren’t broken
So I never questioned her
Love glued together with expired gum
Was a family unscripted
Forcing a hug way too tight
              Cause daddy was enlisted

Mama always told me
It’s okay to cry
So I told her I had no reason
Smiled, and walked away
While then I laid inside my bed
Forcing myself to stay silent
             For to wake in the morning, I’d dread

She said
Someday, things will get better
So I wait and wait anxiously
And laugh, and laugh, and choke
On all of my lifetime’s lies
Forcing these baby blues shut tight
           Nobody can read these eyes

You’re happy
I let you
So I shouldn’t feel shame, right?
Wrong, I do
Falling underneath this black
And blue- bruises
On my body
But mostly my heart
Scars filled with art
And pain inside these eyes
Hidden deep beneath those lies

But I let you, right?
Wrong, I screamed
Silent prayers, and threats,
And suicides
Where then you left me to reside
Deep inside the hatred lining
Of the eyes who refuse crying
Never give in
No thing is a sin

I shouldn’t feel guilty
Nor feel the shame
Behind an old lie- turned to game
But when I’m left
Cold and undressed
I beg for the strength
To take me from this brink
Happiness please, for me first
Instead I still cringe; a touch given curse

I cant
I cant let you in
To this
This mess of me
Not the best of me
I don’t want to **** you in
For you to spit yourself out
And leave me hanging by a thread
Dangling overhead
This memorywell

If I do let you in
No matter how sweet
Or kind
How understanding
You will leave
Because that’s what everyone does
Why add another burden
To a lifetimes list
Of things to do

Yea
You can do me up
Chew me up
Savor the flavor
Spit me out
And reach for a new pack
Im replaceable
Untraceable
Wana see a magic trick?
****

Gone
Like the memory
Of how much you loved me
Gone
Like the winds
Which lead me to meet you
Gone
Because at the fork in the road
You split

The pressure
Behind my eyelids
Is swelling
Salt water trickles down
Softly pattering a rhythm
To dance alone to
While the pressure
Pulsing through my body
Coarses rapidly
Soon a flood will be released

So you can see
I cannot let you in
No matter how much
I want to trust
All I can do is sin
My nights away
So hopefully
Ill get another day

One is
Better than two
Or even three
You see?
Less chaos to keep track of
Because the thought of being attached
Leaves nowhere for one to run
So lets keep it simple
Son of a gun
With the number one

I wanted to be the object of your affection
Instead I’ve become the standard
      of idealized perfection

shiny, blonde hair with skin tanned even
ruby red lips, baby blues
and that loving the life attitude

when what’s beneath the surface bubbles
these lips are so red because they bleed
from the silence they keep

eyes so blue from the ocean of tears
built up from the dark truth
      and wisdom of the years

skin tanned even in attempt
to hide the scars
showing what we really are

smile up front and always laughing
because those who look happy,
are happy… right?

I wanted to be the motion of change
Instead I’ve become the standard
      Ball and chain

Kept back from the past
Full of locked doors and dark closets
Stay strong now, hide all the scarlet

When what’s beneath the surface bubbles
Screaming a monster
To repay her troubles

Taking the blows from a father so dear
His embrace was so cold
      It filled her with fear

in bed she laid with a knife in her hand
daring the chance
to give in to the monster’s trance

well, the monster still lies underneath this bed
as she sits at her desk, drawing lines of red
now say ‘cheese’, everything’s alright

I wanted to be the reason for life
Instead I’ve become the standard
      Symbol of strife

i want freedom
from the cages they created
the skinny bars taunting
those red lines daunting

i want freedom
from the looks society gives
fat girls unwanted
***** are confronted

i want freedom
from the love i have
coiled around me in barbed wire
make a move youll feel the fire

i want freedom
from the past
alcohol brings the devil
we all bring out a different level

i want freedom
from my mind
smile, smile all the time
lying is my biggest crime

What is the line, and how do you draw it
Will you jump over, or fall short and quit?
Does it magically appear, out of thin air
Are you able to draw it when nobody’s there?

Where does it go, when your life falls short
Can something remain, without your support?
When paths cross oceans, do lines cross too
Or do you keep walking forward, without a clue?

These similar traits, can one ever take notice
And if you do cross, does love bloom like a lotus?
Everyone step to the right, cross a line
Entangling pasts in these disarrayed vines

Darling, where has the daylight gone
I see you stumbling down those streets
and see the corners where you meet
Tell me, what is really wrong

Twinkle, twinkle like a star
as you slowly fade away in the sky
Inhale deep to get you high
Tell me, where you really are

Falling, till the meteor Crashes
Down on those knees tonight
what is wrong and what is Right
Tell me, where’d you get those gashes

Blacken, as midnight turns about
Left by yourself with no one to Help
No one to even hear you yelp
Screaming, Screaming, let me out

I thought you said it would be okay
Every little thing, is gonna be alright
But when I come home
Instead, theyr so dead
With the weight of the boulders pressing
Down on this house
Its crumbling

I push things
Get them out of my mind
Have since I was little
Squeezing my eyes shut tight
When he came home in the dead of the night
Please let mommy be okay
The screaming haunts me

In my daydreams
My lack of focus
Frustrates me every second
So I shut it out
Close my mind
But now the haze is clearing

I thought it was different
But people never change
Jail doesn’t change a thing
The threat of life sentences
Don’t change a single, thing
But I cant teach

The lesson he should learn
Because though he gives us nothing
Without him
we have even less
No home, no education
Streets

Are glistening with the rain
My tears finally stream
And they flood the sidewalks
With their anger and fear
And stupidity
Never trust the liar

Ive always told myself
Nobody, can be trusted
But I opened up
And I let it go
Floored it
But now im crashing

As I lay pinned between the tree and radiator
I look up at the stars
Do you know how many wishes
Iv sent up to the sky
Black and blue as my body
As the stars glisten mockingly

“hunny, im home!”
Take a long look around
At the rusting support posts
And decaying furniture
This house is not a home
This house is broken

We all need, somebody to lean on
And I had you
You left me at the worst time
And it keeps going down
I hate that I needed to hear your voice
Before I attempt another goodbye

But I know it is selfish
Don’t worry
The knife is staying shallow
The pills are the correct dosage
But my tears are overflowing
At the facts laid on the table

Its too late for protection
Services asking all the wrong questions
Has he done this before?
No ****
Im glad we contacted the captain
Of town obvious

A few more years, ill have a job
Mother will too
Maybe ill tell my secret
Or maybe ill publish
The lies I was told
With the dignity I sold

I want to forgive
But I wont
And to hell will I ever forget
Because the lies the lovers have told me
Will never heal
Because my lips are sealed

im a sinner
this rope i walk keeps getting thinner
thin enough to slice right through
my skin when you try to tie me up

to my new found casket
leave me there, make sure you latch it
because i am no longer
here, lies a monster

in my heart
eating and tearing me apart
constantly thrashing against the love
bashing against the hate

in my mind
the hate unwinds
the monster wants to tame it
whips it like a lion in a circus

thats where i am
the trapenzee swings, cannons go bam
i am the happy.one.side-
sad.other.side clown

all around me
this is what i see
this casket is my circus tent
this circus is my family

since the beginning
the lion has been winning
and now im being ripped to shreds
collect your tickets please

i want to be burned
let this lesson be learned
spread me across the ocean
and let me finally be free