Okay, so

I wasn’t really sure what I would say
My first time standing
Or if I could even muster the
Courage to write a new rhyme
So, instead, I decided to let myself go
Listen to these words, and hear my beat flow

Once upon a time
There was a little girl
And in her shiny blonde hair
Laid a few new curls
Curls caused by all the stress
Hidden underneath that fluffy pink dress

But you see, this little girl
Never knew what was wrong with her
She was always smiling and pretty
And always surrounded by others
But deep down, she had a secret
And 16 years later, she couldn’t keep it

Eventually she was going to explode
So she wrote it all down
On her loose leaf skins
And hid it from the town
And just kept on smiling
Hoping to reconnect her wiring

And then one day
The words on the pages fell open
All of her secrets spilled
With the words that were left unspoken
Suicide letters addressed with names
This girl’s life is no longer a game

Because she was done playing
Her pockets filled with posy
As she fell down to the ground
Something had changed
She was done playing around

Now she was exposed
Yet there still remained a question
For some did not believe her
She “made it up”
And she got weaker

And that day she broke down
Her mother believed her
And together they went to a psychologist
Where she didn’t speak
She needed a pathologist

Drugs slipped down her throat
For the next few years
Everyday searching for reasons to live
But he remained to haunt her
She found no reasons to forgive

Eventually she learned to block
Everything her mind saw, locked
Away were the secrets
                Restraining her
Most of the past becomes a blur

Because she won’t remember
And this November?
She’s gonna walk tall
                In her brand new smile
One that will hide her, for awhile

But as she fills herself with false pride
She still remembers the day she died
But she’s good at pretending
                Nothings wrong
For her innocence is long since gone

And now she pushes through
The crowd to meet a person or two
A new person
                That doesn’t know her
Past was full of torture

Now the ***** slips down her throat
Forgetting of the words she wrote
She’s not a ****, but won’t let anyone
                Get close enough
To ever call her smiles bluff

She keeps messing up, leaving loved ones hurt
Yet she can’t seem to hold down her flirt
Or keep the best friends close
                That she keeps on losing
Because of the path she keeps on choosing

I can’t write
These secrets won’t stop binding me tight
They keep getting tighter til my sight goes white


I just feel sick
Like I can’t stop swallowing all these thoughts
Drowning myself as my blood clots

My stomach aches
And I can’t keep down any food
Not even chocolate can fix my mood

My head spins
As I see you slowly fading away
When I always thought you’d be here to stay

My body falls
All these weights crushing me under
And pounding harder than the thunder

The tears won’t stop
And you know that I never cry
So why can’t you just answer, why?

The moon looks with a broken eye
Isn’t it supposed to shine?
                Full and bright
While the sea also stares as black as night
With barely a ripple
                No blue in sight

The forest sleeps so silently
Where have all the songbirds gone?
                Singing loudly
But this silence screams softly
With stunning spells
                We hear unconsciously

The mountains peak so high
Can we ever reach the top?
                Instead we fall
Through sharp rocks we crawl
Begging for freedom
                From these prison walls

Underneath your feet
We snap like twigs
And our souls moan
like a thousand rustling leaves

Underneath your weight
Our bones break
And the heart aches
while a dull thunder rumbles

Underneath your gaze
Your lies spill
And helplessly my mind
wants to trust

Underneath your curse
My life flashes
As I wait
for a thousand suns to sparkle

Stars swirl
Little girls twirl
Life is a fantasy
A beautiful world

Nothing to hurt
Nobody would dare
Because that small child
Was never aware

There's Fists pounding
Screams howling
Tears stream down
She's drowning

Innocence gone
What a fun little twist
On the life in the making
New scars on her wrists

She looks to the sky
And wonders out, "why"
This they didn't deserve
Was too soon for goodbyes

It all was a blur
Thought it shoulda been her
She's made plans with the devil
When will he answer?

Another night to spend alone
No-one’s arms to call my home
Snow falling upon cedars
Silencing the land

Move on, get over it
Though I cannot forget
But passion’s still coursing
Through my veins

All I want is to be somebody
You love, suddenly
From head to toe
I forgive you

Because I know that its true
When you say ‘I love you’
Somewhere I know
We’ll get through

So I watch these snow stars
Cover all the ugly scars
Deep on the Earth’s skin
Cover me softly

Deep into a winter’s slumber
No more thoughts to take me under
Something old and something new
New found love; for you

Is someone getting the best of you?
Do they stop, and look at you
And in the morning, do they care
And love the way your body feels

Gotta put up your defenses
Wall up behind those fences
Don’t let them see what they do
When they look deep into you

Will someone try to get through
What will you let them do
Run away before it’s too late
Who’s to say it isn’t fate?

Don’t lose yourself in the beat
Or let your mind fog in the heat
Even though your pulse is racing
Turn around, keep steady pace

Is someone getting the best of you?
Wall up behind those fences
Run away before it’s too late
Turn around, keep steady pace

my Nightmares wake me Screaming
out of Fear or strength or anger I don’t know
         I Cut his Throat
So why isn’t my stomach Squealing?

the Nightmares Shake me deeply
as I Sweat and Toss and Whip through
         I just Broke his arm
So why isn’t my body Gangly

These Nightmares Quake within me
Crying and Screaming I Shout
         Today I got him Point Blank
only difference is,
                                  this time, I Woke Up.

Never was a child who couldn’t see through the pain
Didn’t think someday there’d be nothing to gain
so where did those dreams go
did it even matter?
clear glass lies shattered
through that home, it was broken
but we left secrets unspoken
don’t you worry child
there will be no more chokin’

you’ll get past those secrets left for deceased
break through those tall walls blocked by the beast
carry those burdens with you to heaven
the ones you’ve been holding since age 7
but where do you go
on a road with no direction
doesn’t matter, no, you just have to take action
watch all those faces
yea, see their reaction
when the girl with no future
blows them to fractions

never was a girl who couldn’t see through the pain
I looked in those small eyes and saw future to gain
Those dreams soared past miles with no light
But she ran faster, knowing the future’s tonight
Drop off those stones
held high on your shoulders
know that in his eyes
you’re one strong soldier
fought for your life and got you to college
prime of your youth
and you got all that new knowledge
soon, you’ll find what you are yearning
but keep pace now, child
this is a long, long journey

I am white

Paint me colors dark and bright
Splatter me with your vengeful reds
And share with me your heated head
Drown me in your sorry blues
Greens and violet saddened hues
Orange and yellow shine so bright
Don’t forget those starry nights
Where your laughter painted me
The range of colors below the sea

Share with me your body’s print
By pressing up against my canvas
And when you pull away, go slow
So the paint will leave me every crevasse

I am blank

Write on me to make me dank
And don’t forget that time you cried
Or every time you’ve told a lie
Scribble down your words with ink
Don’t pause to leave you time to think
Memories make for the rest
Tell me when you felt your best
Days of laughter in your ears
Gave you wisdom beyond your years

Share with me your deepest thoughts
By writing down every moment
And when you go to shut me closed
I’ll have your soul within my parchment

I am open

Fly through my wide arm’s haven
Darkness may enclose at times
And hate may be your biggest crime
Throw away those heavy burdens
Walk away from empty basins
Come to me with an open mind
Because this love wants to unwind
Leave behind those darkest hours
For I’ll carry you with all my power


Share with me a love so true
By holding tight with laughter
Because when the bright sky shines
We know there’s before, and after

i can't see
i don't know where i should be
               tumbling
           stumbling
down this long and winding road
maybe this path, will be my ode
to         w a k e
                         u p
i can't go to sleep
instead i find myself time to weep
               silently
            blindingly
the sun shines in through my window
as i roll over and pick myself up from this low
         and walk to the light
what is day and what is night?
                    when i can't see
and i don't know where
                    i should be

dear savior, i pray for you my soul to keep
and if you shall not reap
i will give in to this new day
without throwing my life away

you think your a poet
riddle me this
how come the scars upon my wrists
were scratched on by your fists

you think your a hero
who did you save
i see the children laughing
and i hope their hearts arent cracking

you think you deserve respect
what did you give
besides a shove down the staircase
or lesson in how to run a race

you think you understand
when did you die inside
it was all just a game to you
while i laid there without a clue

you think you earned the right
how were you a father
yea, your voice goes real loud
but it will never make anyone proud

you think your sorry
but how well was your apology made
crying and drinking dont go far
neither was the milage to the bar

you think you are forgiven
well to me, your just
a peice of nothing
yet at the same time, something

you think you are a father
hugging in fear is not love
you  squeezed so tight you broke my bones
while giving in to all your groans

you think you have an impact
on my life, when the truth is simple
the only reason i can never flee
is because you always will haunt me

you think i might just love you
but i hate you so much i dont care
because when i see the little girls on the playground
i want to cry and my mind pounds

you think i might forgive you
memories seem to clear more everyday
and ill never forgive a second youre around
id rather see you in the ground

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel
Because everything seems so unreal
Maybe I should have fought
[for everything I was never taught]

Sometimes, you get to me
But only because I couldn’t make you see
How I am broken
[with the words left unspoken]

Building and piling up
To the surface- where a smile lays on top
Because you should never forget
[but also never let them know your regrets]

Leaving untold emotions
As calm and unsettling as the ocean
Underneath those sad blue eyes
[a smile is your best disguise]

This feeling inside is stirring
But I’m not quite sure what’s occurring
Inside of this blonde bombshell
[deep in the pits of her secret hell]

She is starting to decay
Because the past is still yesterday
But I am thinking about tomorrow
[wishing I didn’t feel any of my sorrows]

When you stabbed me in the back
It hit me like a bomb
Didn’t realize I’d need you
Once you were gone

And when we were young
I sought out the best
Thought I knew you better
Better, than all the rest

Nope
Your just another joke
Another reason I said
I could never lose hope

The camera flashes
With the rest of the crew
The ones who’d pretend
They never knew

When you stabbed me in the back
It didn’t hurt so bad
Must’ve been expecting it
You follow the pack

And once we Had a friendship
I didn’t think would end
Never saw me falling
Once I turned around the bend

Doesn’t matter
None of you were true
Doesn’t matter
None of you were true

All these little *******
Holding up their noses high
Don’t wana keep a friend
With a past they cant deny

I hope your house looks lovely
Was gonna be mine too
Thank god it wont be now though
Cause I know im more than through

With all the ******* you say
And fake smiles across the board
Keep each other close now
Cause the psych is out the ward

Let These Words Last Forever
may they not be a brush on the lips
Remember the name of that girl, not just the scars on her hips
she will be remembered, she will not back down
not down with the dirt, not down with this town
let her words burn within, and be let out with a scream
she is worth more than the damage, and the memories unseen
she will not only be one to touch your soul,
but **** all ignorant bliss, the world has come to know

Let These Words Be Remembered
for they were not a wasted last breath
lies conceal the darkness, and blur away the rest
she is not a friend, she is not a foe
not even the danger, that keeps you in tow
she is not the wisdom, nor the thoughtless rants
not the petty guidance, for your arguments
she is within you- within the warmth, within the cold
her words will churn the questions, while the answers will unfold

Let These Words Burn Inside You
itching to get out of your skin
be the one to shout out loud, burn in the fire of intelligence
they say she has the street smarts to carry forth a nation
but her shoulders carry more burdens, than room for this creation
so dust off your shoulders- run this town tonight
give in to recklessness, which makes everything feel alright
smile when they say you can’t, and cry when hell breaks loose
don’t let life tie the knots for you, or hang you from its noose

Let These Words Last Forever
free your dying mind
let them soak up the dirt in their fire
and burst out with diamond shine
remember that we once were broken-but now it is our time
we speak in different voices, refuse to listen to our youth
but if you open up your eyes, you’ll see that there is truth
reality needs to be accepted, it’s part of that thing called life
break free from the corruption- defend the backs that take the knife

Let These Words Be Remembered
for there is one thing even you can’t deny
that we walk in this world with our eyes shut tight
but what is left, when you turn your back?
what about those, we’ve all left behind?
said goodbye because they didn’t belong,
didn’t conform to acceptance we’ve all designed
the future cries for change-we’ll be waiting ‘til the day we die
simply because of this one fact-
                    the blind can’t lead the blind

What I find the most out landing
Is the way you left me standing
In the tears you let me shed
Alone at night in my own bed

It’s funny, you see
How YOU got the best of me
And every day I try to think
About what I saw inside that wink

And when I come to think about it
There isn’t a thing I miss one bit
Because you ignored me for your friends
And the hurting would never end

Because you always told me you fought
And soon it then became a thought
That maybe you really were trying
Maybe you weren’t lying

But during this manipulation
I also had some fluctuation
With all of my different moods
And what could count for food

But I refused to see
That you couldn’t be the one for me
Because as you’d always say
You would never run away

Please take notice
As I choke this
Rhyme onto these pages
I’m done paying my wages

To a ‘man’ who couldn’t be
Or grow up enough to see
That love was not a game
And I was not one to tame

I give him credit, he did try
But when the tears came to my eyes
He wasn’t strong enough to lift
The pieces as my mind fell adrift

Don’t get me wrong though
I wish there’d be no awkward hellos
Or shifted glances
But I’ll take my chances

On taking initiative
Hell, I’ve already forgived
Because I now know it wasn’t made to be
It just took awhile for me to see

Finally, I can now move on
I am no longer your pawn
So king me
Cause I am free

I’m trying to find you
But I’m afraid I’m trying to find me
Inside of you
I scratch my fingernails
Across your skin
I want to find what’s hidden within

Underneath those eyes
Who are you hiding?
What are we denying
As we slide between the sheets
Trying to be complete
Trying

To find you, me
I trace your every contour
While our bodies lay to rest
I can’t sleep
Knowing there’s more
Then I see


Looking for the answers
Questions locked
Underneath those smiles
Lie what we seek
To know
But refuse to show

She walks among these streets
So quiet and obsolete
As you look in her eyes and wonder
How the crashing waves pulled her under
                -neath this skin she wears too tight

Never pausing to take in a breath
Because time is all she has left
Those eyes travel deep as a hidden valley
carry more secrets than a pope in an alley
                -watching, trusting, never judging

Green, and blue, but mostly grey
Are the eyes that tell you, he will pay
Burdened with the past she never wanted
And stapled open with looks that haunted
                -while she saw nightmares in her wake

They smile with a force that holds
So stiff, she’s walked on like roads
But look a little close into her gaze
Wander past the fences that run for days
                -somewhere, you can find her

In a land where memories can fade
Run away with no “should I have stayed?”
Those lips so full can finally speak
Of the tragedy that floods her eyes for weeks
                -no more skies of grey

Crystal blue with no musk to darken
The story told will only lighten
No more glass to crawl and scratch the skin
Only a love that’s unleashed within
                -beauty, you are being saved

There’s a letter I’ve been writing to you
Trying to write down all that’s true
But I keep ripping
Stitching
Erasing
                Everything
Because nothing feels right
Our love was as a star is bright
And as we shot for the moon
                You carried me
High,
Above the blackened sea

Where I’m now drowning
Deep, and out of sight
Help me end this hurt tonight
Because I can’t take it
I can’t fake it
I can’t shake this

Burden rock which sinks me
As I struggle for the light which guides me
The current keeps winning
I’m no longer swimming
It is still
                Calm
The sea surrounds me
In this deep blue light
No burdens to hold me tight
                Serene
Peace, flows through my veins
As I tell myself it’ll be okay
But I’m not done fighting

No
I wanna see the stars
Gaze at me from where you are
Because I know
You learned from your mistake
You let me fall in all your grace

I fell through the surface
And sunk below
That glass ceiling wouldn’t go
But I threw my burdens
                At that wall
And shattered glass flew up tall
Where it stung you
And you looked down
To see me lying on the ground
You lift me up
                Up, and away
With a smile I see so perfectly
Within all of your imperfections
Even with my misdirection
We end up here

This sun so bright
And we are blinding
With our love tonight

My stomach churns and is stuck in knots
Wondering if you’ve forgot
How much you meant in my life
Until you disappeared tonight

But as the words slid easily from your tongue
My heart cried rivers
Never thought you’d be the one
To leave my heart torn and undone

My mind screams silently and blames me
But I just couldn’t make you see
I needed something more to hold
Besides the lies you continuously told

This isn’t what I want to hear
Don’t sit there and tell me you’re always here
Show me how you really feel
Or else this end is forever real

And as those words slide from your tongue
My heart cries rivers
You are still only hurting my heart
And that is what keeps tearing us apart

Today,
                I was in love with you
                Even as you push me away
                I wanted you always here to stay

Yesterday,
                I loved you
                Fought with everything in my power
                Even climbed the tallest tower

Today,
                I will delete you
                Erase you from my phone
                Completely leave you alone

Tomorrow,
                I will remember you
                And the happiness you gave me
                The way you loved having me as your baby

Today,
                I will pray for you
                Please, god, give him the strength
                To run from me, this greatest length

you think your a poet
riddle me this
how come the scars upon my wrists
were scratched on by your fists

you think your a hero
who did you save
i see the children laughing
and i hope their hearts arent cracking

you think you deserve respect
what did you give
besides a shove down the staircase
or lesson in how to run a race

you think you understand
when did you die inside
it was all just a game to you
while i laid there without a clue

you think you earned the right
how were you a father
yea, your voice goes real loud
but it will never make anyone proud

you think your sorry
but how well was your apology made
crying and drinking dont go far
neither was the milage to the bar

you think you are forgiven
well to me, your just
a peice of nothing
yet at the same time, something

you think you are a father
hugging in fear is not love
you  squeezed so tight you broke my bones
while giving in to all your groans

you think you have an impact
on my life, when the truth is simple
the only reason i can never flee
is because you always will haunt me

you think i might just love you
but i hate you so much i dont care
because when i see the little girls on the playground
i want to cry and my mind pounds

you think i might forgive you
memories seem to clear more everyday
and ill never forgive a second youre around
id rather see you in the ground