i've found serenity in darkness
id rather admire beautifly bright stars
as they pierce through the nights sky
than encounter small spots of shade
lurking in the uncertainty
of sunlights shadows
with my sole defense being
for me to pray
that they won't grow large enough
to consume me
who's to tell me in hell's kingdom
why i shouldn't dance with the devil?
when he's taken me
under his bruised wings
broken and scarred
just like mine
and gifted me his strength and confidence  
to fly again
after i've fallen from the heavens
and landed right next to him

i'd pour my soul into the one i love
if they'd let me
i'd drain myself dry if it were
to water their garden
with hope that we could
watch it blossom together
and i wouldn't ask for sunshine in return
but mine probably would wilt without it
if i were to be honest
because why would i
water my stupid dandelions
when i could tend
to their breath taking tulips?
maybe one day
i'll realize the importance
that my little sunflower garden holds
but until i then i'll just have to work
for my own garden
and maybe for the possibility
of us sharing
a small patch of roses
but before i can take good care of roses
i just need to remember
that nothing can grow
while drowning in water
or in complete darkness
all that's needed
is balance, patience, and love

i have so many individual thoughts
in my mind
to the point where
i don't need to zoom out
for it to look like
a black ink spill of nothingness

TW SUICIDE
why would i sleep through
the only thing
that seems to understand
and console me?
only to wake up
into a world
that's powered by our hatred
as we put people
against each other
through competition
for sport?
i don't feel comfortable
to compare and compete
not in the godly gift of sunlight,
but below the man made magnifying glass
that we put just under our gods
to place heat and pressure onto our people
in hopes they break and burn
or turn into diamonds
sometimes it seems like man attempts
to climb to a throne above a deity's realm
as we move our magnification
as we see fit
over our own population of people
just to watch as those cursed by man
burn deep into their dermis
all the way down to their core
in such pain they can only see it fit
to let themselves turn to ash
and return to the earth
to be consoled by their gods
or just by their own soul
in eternal solidarity
i choose to be cooled
by the stars of the night sky
and in the moon to show me a love
that i could never find
in another human being
but with each night
i let myself be consoled
the heat of days past
builds on the last
and daylight becomes
hotter and harder to handle