i remember us
huddled into blankets
the tuff rubbing into our tender cheeks
swallowing us

whole.

i remember us
hushed whispers
delicate, shy
touches that spoke one thousand words too many
                                                                  
                                                                      us
in the midst of the night    
when the moon                              
                                                
                                                    at
                                       up
                  
                      looks


i remember u.

singed cigarettes beneath my palms,
radiant flashes of everything wrong,

fingers stretched towards the light.
craning,
reaching,
desperate for a flight.

blood pulsing, high, swimming in adrenaline.
no one knows how desperate we were
back then.

your lips drip
full of sweet nectar
to lure me into
your wasteful,
rotting
heart.

i am chipped porcelain,
once valued
now worn.

body drawn taut,
relief no longer found

it'd be useless to
fill these crevices,
broken flaws,
with your
gold.

the swaddled blanket
we've
so carefully
interwoven

safe,
warm,
intimate

has been
taken apart
by your hands.

i look up
and see a world
far greater than
the one i'm in,
billions of bright lights,
that call to me
and say that i'm not alone,
i rise up to them
as if gravity ceased to exist,
and i dance with them
and give glory to their creator,
this world is mine
though i am not of it,
these clusters of stars
and galaxies
bring me more joy
than the hell that
the world i belong to brings,
the celestial beings embrace me
and allow me to finally see
the beauty that's around me,
even if it's far away.