Somebody painted
a face
on my time
and pretending
that it
was a game,
they numbered
my days
and stood them
in line
and made
every one
look the same.

Somebody gave it
two hands
and a voice
that isn't
allowed
to stop,
it can tell
if Im late
and Im learning
to hate
the sound of
their
tick tocking
clock.

Summer is comming and its getting hot, I want to wear normal clothes and not get caught.
I've tried everything to cover up, nothing worked so I just gave up.
And so I decided to wear a short sleeved shirt, hoping no one would see my deep deep hurt.
But with just my luck, someone notices my cuts.
He walked up to me and touched my palm.. He told me not to worry and to just stay calm.
Tears started streaming down my cheeks. In my head I know he thinks I'm a freak.
He said to me 'you are beautiful no matter what' then looked into my eyes and said 'even with those deep deep cuts' ♡

I've seen this girl named Ana, she's pretty thin and tall, she has the smallest frame and not a single flaw.
I've met this girl named Ana, she introduced herself today. She seems so very nice and kind, she says she wants to stay.
I know this girl named Ana, she's so perfect and its true, I'm so fat compared to her, but shell make me skinny too.
I'm friends with this girl named Ana, I've started eating less, hating the person in the mirror, my lifes become a mess.
My bestfriend is this girl named Ana, I want her to always stay. All my other friends have left but she will never stray.
The only one I listen too is Ana, she's so mart and full of advice, I'm starting to get smaller. My health is my only sacrifice.
I'm scared of this girl named Ana, I can't get her out of my head. It finally accured to me, she wants me dead.
I hate this girl named Ana, she makes my life a living hell. Someone please hear my silent screams, cause she won't let me tell.
My worst enemy is this girl named Ana, she's a demon in my head, she seemed so nice at first but I was definately mislead.
I'm a prisonner to this girl named Ana, I'm captive to her will, I can't help to do what she says, how can I be so fat, still ?
My murderer is this girl named Ana, she starved me to my grave. My heart finally stopped beating, I just couldn't continue being brave..

It's not that I don't love you. It's the time I read my mom's old journals and every other paragraph included my fathers name. It's that he cheated on every girlfriend he had with my mom. It's that my mom didn't care she was a second choice or a one night stand. It's that my mother never talked to anyone about him after he got married to one of the many girlfriends. It's that she took twenty sleeping pills on the night of what would've been their anniversary. It's that he doesn't even know she's dead.

It's not that I don't love you. It's the couple I overheard in the bread aisle arguing over wheat or white. It's that I heard the woman say a lot of "she" and "****" and I saw her crumble to the ground. It's that he just shook his head and said he was sorry over and over again.

It's not that I don't love you. It's that my best friend is in love with a boy on the other side of the country. It's the morning she took a shower and cried over him. It's that he wasn't even awake to do anything about it. It's that he's always three hours behind and thousands too many miles away. It's that I mean both physically and mentally sometimes.

It's not that I don't love you. It's my geometry teacher, who brought up her husband when she taught me tangents. It's that she also brought up her husband when she taught me the circle unit
too. It's that she gets quiet and smiles after she talks about him. It's that he's been passed away for seven years now and she still has so much to say. It's that she still wears her wedding ring. It's that when she taught me special right triangles, I wondered what her laugh might sound like if he were still here.

What I'm trying to say is; It's not that I don't love you. It's that I do.

I'd like to thank my father on this Father's Day for all the things he did not do.

He did not teach me to tie a knot, stand up to bullies, or catch a ball.  He did not tuck me in at night, I never went to a father-daughter dance, no one was there to give the boys the evil eye or make certain I was home at curfew.

He was not a safe place to run to when I was hurting. And, I was being hurt in the most unspeakable ways. He did not defend me. He did not ask. He doesn't even know.

He never called me "princess" or "sweetheart". I never danced on his toes.

At my wedding no tender moment was had. No song played while he regrettably accepted that I was now grown.

He never knew the joy of bouncing his grandchildren on his knees...or his daughter and son for that matter.

I am forever grateful to him.

Grateful to have lived and grown without him by my side. To have learned my own way, become my own protector and provider.

Thank you, Father, sincerely. If you would have stayed I may had become something like you

I sit in my corner of lies,
It's these four walls I despise.
Everywhere I look I see a glimpse,
Of everything I seem to miss .

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

These walls are crumbling faster now
This I wish I did not allow.
I'm swimming in this thick sea of lies
My excuses I do not buy.

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

The walls have tumbled to the ground,
My common sense; its nowhere to be found.
One lie leads to another,
Now more than every I need my mother.

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

I know there is not anything I can say,
To change what happened that day.
Who I am I trying to fool?
It's my emotions that mask, rule.

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

"Sorry" is the best I can do
Its the answer I never knew till now
It's not my fault,
it was you who broke our vow

I lie,
I cheat,
But it's myself I cannot beat.

I scream,
I cry,
But to myself I cannot lie.

Don't tell me how to cope, to feeling
I deal, how I deal.
I'm no longer associating myself with you,
My life, wall to wall,
just keeps on crashing because your so untrue

You lie
You cheat
But it's me you cannot beat

You scream
You cry
But to me you cannot successfully lie

Once upon a time a young boy who seemed so happy, died.. But it was by a blade
and tears that he tried to hide.

His funeral was full of people who made everyday bad
His bullies, his abusive boyfriend, and his alcoholic dad

Well on that day
They buried a boy that they never ever actually knew.

"My mother warned me about smoking cigarettes, so I never put a cancer stick between my teeth. But she forgot to mention the boys with dark eyes and smiles that make you weak in the knees. The funny thing about addiction is you don't know you're hooked until it leaves. It's been three years. But how can I move on when there are still traces of you in my lungs, leaving no room for me to breathe?"
-Kahla Mercadante