did you know youre translucent?
When you look at yourself do you see the phony that i do?
do you have any recollection?
of the digs youve taken at people who only pretend to care about you?
but we're all so nice, we fake it.
you know all about that don't you?
but when we try to be frank, we're just outrageous.
and then you let the waterworks carry you out.

we all see you for who you are.

so what that we can put on a pretty face and smile, even if we don't want to.
and you can hurt everyone that circles you, but when the punch comes back, you put on an act,
like you're the victim here, and youve been so sincere, and we've been so very unkind.
we're two steps ahead, youre a step behind.

i can't even pretend that it's alright.
i've always been an actress, or so it seemed.
but i cant seem to grin beneath these clenching teeth.
cause all i want is to lash out.
but i know to win is to watch and smile and see.

believe me darling i know my limitations,
but believe me once more i know how to break them,
crossing lines is a habit that's become so routine.
for a while all i did was try to behave,
standing behind lines i didn't know how to break.
i'm not hiding in the darkest corner this time.

i know now...

i cant live my life between the lines, i've got to walk on the outside,
or no one will ever watch me shine. & i can't live my life between the lines, i've got to trust myself to fly.
or no ones gonna see me shine.

believe me honey i know i've grown outside my skin.
this skin that i've felt so uncomfortable in.
and i like this.
believe me darling i know i'm not the same.
but i'm myself, and that's the change, i was reaching for the whole time.

something continues to bring me back,
just when i thought i'd escape.
when i overcome this, it's so overpowering,
but i can feel that it's so fake.
because i feel myself slip back into the vortex that you've become.
pulling me in when i thought i was ready to go
pulling me in when i convinced myself i was strong.

so i can ask myself the same questions on how and why.
i feel like i'm bolted to the floor when i see people touching the sky.
you have me in chains and i cant escape the web you have woven around my bones.
its like you dont want me to go.
or maybe its just that i dont want to go.

what is it that youve been gifted with?
some force thats too strong to try and reckon with.
i thought i had be fighting.
but to myself i am probably lying.
the moment that your lips decide to close,
im left waiting to respond to the next thing you say.
you always know how to keep me hanging.

sometimes your lights are guiding,
and other times theyre blinding

One foot, in front of the other

trudging along through the rain, the wind and thunder

I try. All i can say is that I try. I try my best but

sometimes im weak though i like to put on this front that I’m strong

and people don’t read too far into me, they think i’ve got it going on

so tell me why do i feel so hollow like i’ve been carved out of my own skull?

A pill i just can’t swallow, i cant do this on my own.

—I’ve got a dependence, I need a vice. I need something destructive in my life. i need someone that has to hurt me at some point. I need to suffer just to reach a turning point. I’m headed for the storm, i’m ready for it to take me in, in this sailboat i’m travelin in.

There a fire under my seat

forcing me on my feet

it’s begging for me to keep moving now

.and it’s chasing me

i’m running aimlessly

into the distantce it follows me now.

—and when i start to give up i ignite, like infinite rays of radiant, glowing sun shine. & i’m gleaming with strength, determination swimming through my veins, as i’m blooming in the bright lights.

—When i doubted myself i was scared

for this journey i felt so unprepared.

and now i’ve got my guns, and they’re dusted off, ready for the war.

and if i hurt, if i bleed

if i start to become weak

i can coax out the life that resides in my core.

get these big green monster off my back.
get me out of these waters, and place me right back on track.
i love so **** hard, and all it does is interfere.
all it does is weaken me inside and out until the sight of you brings tears.

and i'll do this all again, and again, and then some.
and when i whimper in despair, well it sounds just like our anthem.
you just want to cut off my limbs and watch as a try to crawl.
and i always crawl. i always crawl. but never far enough away.

another day under your attack.
another day where i'm afraid to see how i feel at the end.
will i stand strong or roll onto my back?
i am stuck here hoping and hoping that i can become more controlling oh,
help me take the wheel and drive.

capo on one- em cadd9 g. bridge em d cadd9 g

It never ends

and we could never be friends

we know that ship has sailed

but our connection never prevailed

and i can’t use these eyes

to give anyone else a glance

cause you have me in this trance

all i see are fireworks and i just want to dance

—dance on all the rooftops, dance on all the streets

take me to a mountain, i wanna see the tops of the trees

you’ve got me higher in the sky than i have ever been before

and you can hide away but my hope is a light to bright i can’t hide anymore.

—let this begin.

let s take it in,

don’t mess with fate, don’t derail destiny you can’t rewrite what’s already been put down in ink

this wasn’t just a sketch, i know god put us to the test, but we know just what he intends on happening.

—I would step back from everything i’ve been chasing all my life,

i would make a different turn i don’t care if it’s wrong or right

if i had just some sparkle of hope that you’d be with me by my side,

cause nothing seems scary, nothing intimidates me when you’re here, but you are the king of disappearing.

-i can’t give up, you’re in my blood, you’re in my heart and soul.

I can’t give up, you’re in my blood, i have no self control.

i feel like an unfinished painting.
like an outline, waiting to be colored.
i have so much more to do here,
so many footsteps to leave before i'm gone.
all i want is to carve my name on your heart,
let it stay there, so you dont forget me once ive gone.
take this picture, staple it to everything you touch,
maybe if i know you miss me i wont miss you all that much.

i know this is going to be the hardest thing ive ever had to do. to turn away from you.
i can still feel the words dancing on my lips, your hands resting in my fingertips, oh it's to sweet to let go now.

i love the way the color of your eyes changes,
and every time, i know i love you simply because i have noticed.
i can;t just sit here in my skin, and pretend this isn't what it really is.

i don't want to see you again.
i just feel a pain in my chest
when i think of your smile, your laugh,
all it does is leave me restless again

i didnt know i was this strong
i underestimated myself all along
i didnt think id ever get used to the change
but all i did was blink my eyes and watch my life re arrange

and i have watched myself evolve into this
i thought id become a monster, someone meaningless.
maybe i crossed some bridges id never seen before
and maybe i didnt know it til id turned around and watched them fall.

theres no going back now
theres no turning back around
ive learned how to fight, when i want to cower and cry.
and ive learned wrong from right, in a foggy disarray

i cant say being confused is an excuse anymore.
because youve got to turn all the knobs till you find the unlocked door.
and i was so tired of searching around.
and i flew for miles in tears until my feet felt comfort on the ground




G, C, Em, D. No Capo

Never have i felt so disconnected from everyone.
From myself.
How many times will the sun set and rise,
before i feel alright inside?
I can't find the cure to this commotion.
I've tied myself in my own ropes and knots.
I cant find a motive to keep me goin',
cause when i do it ends up escaping me,
leaving me lost.

I never wanted to admit,
not even to myself,
that the words they speak are true,
So how could i admit this to you.
Everything is upside down,
but let it be as i left it,
because i am the one with the hands to fix it.

I've never been so unsure,
of that these emotions are but,
i've made it this far.
My eyes watch everyone pass in the storm.
i've built my safe haven here but,
i have boarded up the windows,
cause i don't want you to see my fall apart.

I'm searching for something,
but i won't know the victory until
it's resting in the palm of my hands.
i'll never stop these feet from running,
it's what they do right,

Broken by your words but repaired by my healing thoughts.
yet i've proven myself to no one.

i never used to be this girl.
I feel like a part of me has been taken from this world.
i'll never get it back.
i'll never get this person back.
every day is just another disease.
another thing will end up plaguing me.
-when will i grow out of this.
i can't give people something to miss.

sometimes i feel like i can fly.
but sometimes i feel so low i can't even see the sky.
sometimes i can feel the heat from the sun.
sometimes i know it's there but i hide away until the monsters have gone.
and i can't stay like this.
but i don't know how to change it.

my hands and knees have met the ground.
from the highest ledge i've tumbled right down.
all i want is to feel like there's something i don't do wrong.
something that i can feel proud to have overcome.

nothing seems to line up quite right.
i just want something consistent that can help me sleep at night.
all these things that make me feel anything but alright, should fly away.
can i just escape this, and fly away.

What has happened to my sweet, sweet paradise?
i've been hitting walls left and right.
i feel like a mouse in a maze.
everyones eyes are glued to me.
and i can hear the sound of their words bouncing off the walls in my sanctuary.

i'm screaming, screaming, and none of you can hear me. take a moment and listen because i'm desperate for attention. I'm screaming, screaming, and ly lungs are finally giving out tonight. did you want to watch me see everything caving in on me?

how did i end up the sacrifice?
i never thought theyd pick me. i never thought itd be me.
i never thought id miss something i hated.
something that drove me to insanity and chased me out with frustration.

so let me out of here. i need to change this

tears bleed from my eyes,
because i've trapped them inside,
with this crazy facade,
that i'm not fragile, but strong.
and everyone's fooled, they even say they wish they could do it like i do,
you don't want to wish that at all.


i'm empty inside, something is wrong.
i've buried secrets underneath my feet for far too long.
and you want to know me, but i don't want you to know.
but then i realize you fill me with love, and i no longer feel so hollow.
you make me believe i don't have to be hollow.

i've never been so at war with myself.
does this skin really belong to me,
do these eyes see what theyre meant to see.
and they all think ive got it so figured out,
but im always looking for answers, i cant tell you when i cant tell myself.


so show me something i can keep branded in my mind, because it feels like i forget everything, everything important all of the time.

A pain, that I cannot explain. It doesn't hurt in the physical way that we all can relate.
A sensation, shooting through my chest, crying out for rest. Please just rest. I'm so tired.
Exhaustion, it hits you when you're moving faster than you thought you could. "Nothing can stop me now" I said. I believed truly that nothing would.
A sadness, that lingers even while you sleep. It waves in the bleachers of your dreams. Everything you care for it takes, and then greets you again when once you wake.

It's this constant reminder, ringing in your skull and it sings you to sleep, so you never drift off.

I've been crying out. I've been trying to show the world.
Is this something we are all battling?
Tell me because I need to know.
In order to cope, I have to understand when this emotional flight will land, and if my feet will hit the ground before my head.

Rooting into my safe soil. Making myself at home. I'll do it on my own.
Sleeping through the storms, I thought I'd feel grounded from the rain, instead I'm just vulnerable to the pain.
Shut my eyes so I can't see, the storm clouds nearing me. I can hide from the lightening but I'm just one tree. I watched the forest flee, and they reached for me, but I was rooted in too deep.

I've been victimized.
I've been ignored.
I've been terrorized.
Don't know what for.
I am revolted by what you've turned out to be.
Because i threw all of my faith your way, but it was hardly a swing, but surely a miss.
& Now i'm not sure who I've chosen to be.
This soul that's overwhelmed with insecurities.
I've lost this playful heart that was ready for what's to come.
Pushed into a state of fury leaving me abandoned.

Spinning around in this powerless despair.
I had the reigns, had the control, i swear it was all there.
I swear I'm only vicious with my words when provoked.
Embarassed and ridiculed, only cries flee from my throat.

This insignificance i feel is burning through my veins.
I'm isolated from any warmth that still remains.
Am i really so inadequate, that you can't be considerate
and why am i even thinking on it? I was so sure of this confidence
but it's gone. Yes it's fled. And now it's just yours words echoing through my head.

I used to be inspired. I used to be so sure.
Until this emptiness made it's way into my core.
I piercing silence lingers through the air that i breathe in
A hesitant avoidance every time you try to come back in
into this safe place that used to be, before you used your claws to break through me, and any sense of safety,

i crawled out from under my skin today.
i stared at myself as i floated away,
and i watched everything change.
i witnessed everything fall away.
that's not an unusual story for me these days.

-because i never thought i could love you this much.
and when i think about you, i realize i do it way too much.
i remember when this all started, i knew how i felt, but i didn't know how this would grow.
i swear to you darling, i didn't know.

i lose a part of myself every time you look away.
and when you glance at me softly, i take it so hard.
i used to be strong, now i'm falling apart.
now i'm just this sad girl, writing songs so air out my heart.

because i never thought i could love you this much.
and when i try to cling to the light something pushes me back in the dark.
i remember when this all started, i knew how i felt, but i never would let it show.
i swear to you darling, i'll never let anyone know.

because seasons keep changing but i feel the same.
i'm losing parts of myself, but this here, it remains.
all i want is for you to say it, recipricate it. bury me in something other regrets and mistakes that i've made.

because i never thought i could love you this much.
and i know i've become pathetic when i imagine the feel of your touch.
i forget how this started, but i remember the hope that i felt, i put on the perfect show.
i swear to you darling, i'll never let this go.
and i swear to you darling....
and i swear to you darling....
if i'm left broken hearted, it'll hurt but i know, these feelings i've caught, i can't just throw.
forget the regrets, love what you know. i didn't think that i'd crave you, every time that you go.
i swear to you darling, i didn't know.
i didn't know.

this is not my cup of tea.
the way you are fluctuating,
one second youre here, then you're so good at being gone.

this is not where i was supposed to be.
i know we all break rules, but this wasn't in the cards for me.
one moment it's clear, and then you're so unpredictable and i can't see.

you should know that i'm not one for games.
i speak the words that i have got to say.

i don't want to watch you run anymore. just when i think you're finally here, you find a reason to scurry out the door. and it hurts every time i hear your footsteps getting quieter. you are the king of let downs.

this is not what i had hoped for.
this is not what we decided.
we connected. we had grown into eachother, on our common grounds,
so how come now we have divided?

you should know that i'm not one for tears.
i'm stronger than these fragile eyes appear. because i have to be.

when you book it out of here so fast, i can feel the lingering draft. it's like you never left at all. and i promise myself that i have rid myself of ever knowing and loving you this time. but i always change my easily swayed mind.

I know it’s still summertime,
But I’m frozen here.
My insecurities eat my alive.
Being led merely by fear.
There is a small fraction of myself,
That wants to work at this and be better.
But the majority of my being
Says “it’s all the same, what does it matter?”

So I give her a kiss on the forehead and send her off.
That girl that used to have my name.
I tell her she’s right and I know I’m wrong.
But if I separate myself maybe we will come out of this okay.
And she pleads for me to just keep trying to heal the wounds I keep sprinkling with salt, and wondering why they never get better.
She reaches for my hand to keep me close, but I’ll never let her.

I know it’s still summertime.
I understand the calendar year.
I see the rays with my eyes just fine
But I don’t feel them here.
And there’s a glimpse of hope I sometimes get when I close my eyes.
But then their viciously pried open by my chattering mind.

Sweet, sweet girl. Your innocence is admirable. I’ve been burned so many times I’m finally numb to it all. I’m ok with solitude, although I used to crave company. I’m alright with sadness. It’s woven it’s way inside of me and now we blend, we mold into one, so every time I’m hurt I don’t come undone. I just keep climbing but with no goals because it’s the only way I know. Any version of myself that believes in a new season, I’m gonna have to let her go. I try to trust her gut instinct but in the end she hurts me so.
I’m okay with this burden, and carrying it on my own.

ive been fighting harder than i thought that i could.
im a bullet shooting through your fragile skin.
how could i forget what i've been fighting for?
i've left myself cornered by letting you in.
-
and oh, i tried to say that i wouldn't become weak.
even though ive built this distance with my blood sweat and tears,
i still continue this hide and go seek.
-
sweet dreams, heres your lullaby. youve sunken under in another time.
youve fallen asleep, your guards been let down, and thats how you wanted it, you just would never allow yourself, but youve admitted your fault without words, and youre rising to the top, even though it hurts. you're not the weak one, youve always been strong.

-
i cant cut these ties, a knot in a rope.
its hard to let go. my hands wont let go.
theres good days and bad, but i always find the sun
even when im under the earth, sorrounded by the darkness youve spun around me.
i'll always let you lead me.

--
goodnight, goodnight. swallow your pride. the games just begun, even though it feels like forever.

i don't miss you.
not one part of me longs for you.
i just loathe you.
even if i tell myself i forgive you.
how do you sleep at night?
knowing youre so selfish and self centered.
but you play your angles right,
so people think you;re someone you've created in your mind.
but i...

when i look into your eyes, i dont see anything familiar, or similar to what you used to be. its so cold to know that youve turned everyones world around too, just to move around and change where you are.

i dont know if i love you.
but i feel like i have to.
so i can spit the words out from my lips.
but i dont feel it in my heart one bit.
and your lies are piling up in front of me.
i see them so clearly,
and you cant dig your way out now/


youve taken everything straight from my hands.
and you just go about your day the same way.
you are awful, dreadful, and ill always be resentful.
sorry that youve made me feel this way.

this is a kind of torn i have yet to experience.
i felt the floor give way underneath us.
i just continued falling.
it seems thats how it always plays out.

i've lost sight of what has been mapped out for me,
looks like i'll create my own drawings
i thought that i could handle that,
but then i found myself on the warpath.

-tears fall from my eyes in the dark, in the dark.
flames burn me alive, in the dark, in the dark.
it's colorless at night, so no one can see of me this side.
but i'm not laughing, i'm not smiling in the dark, in the dark.

i don't know the meaning of the words i spill here.
painting the walls with colors that are unheard of.
we have built bridges from then to now, i see them,
so who set fire because theyre burning their way backwards now.

and i'll never know the words to say to explain whats couring through my veins.
but god, how could i allow this scenery to go and change.
i created this world for myself, and sat on my golden throne,
so who overthrew me, and left me in the cold?

watch me fall apart,
breaking one by one.
i become undone,
but the minutes on the clock.
try to decipher my words,
because i cant understand my thoughts.
i'm throwing verbal clusters
that i can't understand myself.

and i have never loved
under this sun
the way that i love right here, right now.
but i have never wished,
to forget something like this,
as quickly as i can, somehow,
i gotta let this go.

watch me hope for this.
i'll dream of it perfect.
i want this to be
perfect
perfect.
but then i realize,
when the tears fall from my eyes,
i'm imagining something,
perfect.
perfect.

i'm so sick of loving you.
and guessing if you love me to.
use your words, it's not that crazy.
not as crazy as the idea of loving you.

every time my eyes meet yours, i shatter.
every time you step on me i feel my heart shatter.
i've lost touch with who i really am.
ive become this statue of a girl who i can;t stand.

so why can't you just let yourself love me.
why can't i tell you what i know?
why is there always someone else on your mind?
and why can't you let them go?
is this some sick joke? making me chase you around. a game of cat and mouse, and i'm just so worn down.

why can't i believe in myself.
you're the only one i know that has that ability.
to give me home, and then crush it in your hands, in front of my eyes.
and you just break me apart inside.

it's always going to be this way.
we'll never make the progress that i pray for every day

my hands and knees have weakened in time,
from crawling and crawling til i feel alive again...
sleep doesn't come easy, and days are routine,
you're the roller coaster craziness, the only, ****, thing.

pre- i feel like i'm just treading water. walking in place, in this race with everyone else. watch me fail or conquer. either way i have to either lose or prevail.

chorus-so don't hold my hand this time. the fires are everywhere, but i've been hiding for too long. if this risk i take burns through my bones, at least i know i did this, and did it alone.

why do i compare myself to all the wrong people?
what will it take to be strong?
lessons are everywhere, but they all contradict another,
and people don't change, at least not for the better.
and i've learned that all i have to trust is my own heart and soul.

sometimes i just want someone to cry to.
but i know all they'll tell me is what i want to hear.
why cant people just be reliable? give it to me like it is, don't fake it don't fake this.
all i want is honesty, but can you give me anything real?

i forgot how to be myself for a while.
but i've returned, and it caused a smile.
i've emerged from the depths of whatever buried me alive.
i've crawled out from the underworld where i pretended to survive.
and i never understood why i couldnt shine under this light,
but when i move the lamp around, i glow ever so bright.

i never knew it to be possible until now, that you could lose yourself if you let it go too long.
and how could i forget what made me so evervescent from the start, trying to play another part when i was
casted in the perfect role myself.

i dont think i know how to love, i just pretend.
but love is silly, love is meaningless, but i guess it all depends.
cause i have fought the rainstorms without shelter for so long
but somehow im still here, and i never gave myself the credit for being so strong.

and they all talk, i hear the whispers bouncing off the walls.
i can pretend to be ignorant, but i see behind the smog.
and all ive wanted was to hold a place in a heart that had no empty seats
so ill find another show.

I never thought I could be repaired.
Honestly, I never really cared.
Once I accepted that I was damaged.
I never saw it as a disadvantage.

Then you waltzed into my life.
Hiding in my dark cave you came in-a ray of light.
And in time you healed all my breaks and cracks
until I was whole again, you brought me back.

I could never find words to thank you for all of this.
Your support as I grew and as I flourished.
I was reborn but didn't realize it until I looked back
I had to see what I've evolved from to understand that.

I never asked to be repaired.
But in the end, the truth was that I really did care.
Somehow you saw that I wanted to be new
and you saw the light at the end, so you led me through.

Sometimes life just has a beautiful way,
of breaking you down and then showing you it can be okay.
When the rough parts seem endless just know that they're not.
hold on to what makes you shine with all that you've got.

i went out on a limb.
i grabbed onto nothing,
and i dove right in.
it took me so long,
yeah it felt like a lifetime.
now there's no more wondering
but there sure aint no sunshine.


-and i want to scream and watch my lungs fall from my mouth.
i want to puke my guts out.
i want to cry and watch a river grow.
i want to keep on pushing, but i've gotta let go.

i took this stupid chance.
i barely remember why i did.
climbing all these mountains
just to fall back down unsafely.
now what do i do from here?
where do i go?
how is anyone supposed to really know

i want to love you but i'm not sure i'm allowed to. i want to fall asleep and stay in an eternal dream state of mind. i wish that i could turn back clocks so i could just continue and continue to rewind.

all your hello's turn into goodbye's.
even my good days are not on my side.
and my horoscope tells me to be strong and fight.
but the thought of you keeps me awake all night.
why can't something so strong be reciprocated.
it's always the same problem and i hate it, i hate it.
but somehow you always convince me you might come around this time.

and i try to distance myself, but i only move in closer.
the closer i am to you the safer i feel.

Even when i stop thinking about you, i know it's only temporary. i pretend that i've forgotten you until you flood my memory. & i hate myself for this dependent person you have made me become. I can say that i'm over this, promise myself that its done, but though my brain is convincing my heart knows we've only begun.

you stop and take moments to look in my eyes.
you know when i'm hiding behind my smiling disguise.
you see right through me, like i'm always so vulnerable.
but you never fail to make me feel like i'm going to be alright.
but that's just the good days until i fall asleep at night

then i try to distance myself, but im a rollercoaster,
the ups and downs make me sick at the end of the day.

so stop right there, do not make a sound.
i don't want your voice to invade my ears tonight.
maybe if i fled this lingering town,
id have some hope for sleep tonight.

my heart hurts for you.
my heart hurts for me.
i want to love you.
i want to let you be,
i want you to see the sceneries you want to see,
and i want you to visit sceneries with me.
i want to let you fly across the skies with your eyes,
buried in the things youve been chasing your whole life.
and i want to be waiting at the other end when you come down and are ready to express your experiences with someone you love.
someone you love.
i want to know you inside and out.
from head to toe.
i want to know.
i want to teach you all that i;ve known.

my heart beats for you.
my heart stops from you.
i want to tell you the secrets i cant keep.
i want to see you, everything of you.
perfections and flaws, under and above you.
im sure that id love you.
if i got the chance to be
someone you love.
someone you love.
ask me what i want to know, all of the above.
i'll be the witness, that backs up your story,
even when your wrong.

and i'd be a statue, if you asked me to stay still.
if you asked me to break my neck for you, without a doubt, oh i will.
and i'd travel the world ocean to ocean, just to float to a shore, where i could be someone you loved.

I’ve been around the world, danced around the earth.

I’ve loved with all i have, I’ve cried until it hurts.

I’ve slept the days away, hoping i’d wake up to a change,

and i’ve thrived off life in bright lights, i’ve set myself a stage.

but all that’s missing from the experiences i’ve faced

and all that’s missing from the lovers, and worlds i’ve chased is your

embarassed smile that you try to hide, but i’ve always admired the way it shines,

and watching your shadow appear on the wall, so i know you’re here so i’m not feeling small.

and your particular attention paid to every single word i say and you always know how to make me recover from my fall.

i want that all the time. stop rewind, bring you back within the walls of what you left behind.

—I’ve fought with fire and passion, I’ve loved with my heart and aggressiom

I’ve kissed the kindest in the downpours of rain.

Never recipricated any passion in any kind of fashion, guys in my heart it always holds a special place, a place for your

—-and maybe i’m insane, waiting and waiting for things to change, but i cant just flip a switch to send you away. You flow through my veins now, and you are sewn in my skin now. you can’t leave me here to decay

i don't sleep very often.
but i dream all the time.
like a clinging infection,
you've latched on to my mind.
and i don't know how to break you.
you're a habit that's just so familiar.
i've never been one for addictions
until you waltzed your way into the picture.

--All this time i've been on my hands and knees praying for you to set me free so i could operate on my own again. little did i know that you were never holding on and all i have to do is let go to move on. It's all i have to do, it's all i have to do. i havent done it yet maybe because id on't know that i want to.

-i don't cry very often,
but i'm sad all the time.
happiness is such a simple disguise.
and everything keeps changing every time i blink by eyes.
and i know i can't just make time stop, everything changes in time.
but i just want to put a hold on everything so i can hold your hand for one more moment before something changes that pushes you away.

-this moment here is right. i can look into your eyes and know that i have someone who knows me the way i want someone to know me. all the bad and all the good. you know it all and you understood. how can i live knowing that tomorrow i could be the only one who knows myself again.

these words are slipping through my lips the way i've let everything fall between my fingertips at least a thousand times.
i've watched you make my heart glow so bright i see the light reflecting through my chest but then again, theres times you made me want to cut it out and watch it lose its life.
i never knew bittersweet until your eyes fell into mine.
whatever you project, sometimes it feels like love, sometimes like vines,
that keep me constricted, and all my muscles freeze, suspended in time.
i just wait for you to do it one more time.
--
you crawled inside, so sly, so slick. I accepted you here, so certain, so quick. watched as you pulled me away from the person i was before. I don't want to know that person anymore. i love what youve evolved me into. i love that theyve fallen for you.

--
youve chased me away from the places i hid. i buried myself perfectly under the dust id been in. i liked it there at the time i had thought. now my eyes see with new vision that you have taught. i have no secrets to hold from you. you lure them right out, crawling from my mouth, and when you hear what i have to say, your eyes, your face they dont change. they dont change.
--
so i know this feeling now. i thought i had known it before, but it was all just a hoax. out from my shell, i watched you coax me out. ive been wearing my new skin and wearing it strong. i didn't have time to try it on, but you seemed to know i'd like the fit.

i used to sleep.
i used to dream of things.
i used to smile.
a smile that i meant once in a while.
now i've got this habit.
of painting emotions on my face.
to shield nieve ignorant eyes
from the mess that life has made of me
so i've made it so no one can see...

Behind these walls, that i've built here, i have found a place to hide.
i have broken down barriers before, so i know just how to do this right.
so i've put up these fences to protect myself from the stones i've seen you throw.
this is the only way i know how to let you go.

i used to breathe
i used to exhale.
even if you find me here.
you'll never catch me alive.
i used to want to love.
i wanted to love you with all the love i have inside myself.
but you've made me want to bottle it up and throw it away where no one can find it so.

I always say that this is the last time. and then i let you walk right  in. just to watch you let me fall. i don't have a safety net. i don't have another chance. you're going to break me down to nothing if i dont stand up and do something

I am ashamed to wear this flesh
In a world that has become such a mess
But when i really look i can see
How it's always been this way.

A comfortable bubble I've been residing in
While those on the outside looking in
Have always known our truth.
But we hate when they try to explain.

If we aren't willing to learn
we will let other brothers and sisters burn
So we have to pop the bubbles
We've been living in.

I won't let myself be quiet
and I won't let any of us stay silent
If we aren't fighting and we aren't trying
we're lucky we aren't the ones who are dying.

Unity means we are one.
United States with our precious guns
but we have them pointed at each other yet again.
As you sit with your privilege and your wealth
Sit back and look within yourself.
What side are you on? Because history repeats itself.

Sleeping through the days like an endless dream
Falling into an Eternity
swimming through waters to deep for me,
not sure if i can keep on breathing.
Hesitant to make any sudden moves.
Petrified to fall back into love with you.
Sifting through lies to find some ounce of truth
But theres nothing real left to find.

I feel safest when I hide
my sanctuary inside
there's room to breathe because it's only me myself and I.
When i surround myself with company
There's too many things to over think.
Too many emotions at war with each other inside my mind

Can you hear my desperate cries and screams
Can you hear me ripping at my seams
I've lost my grip on reality, and what is a figment of my mind
I can't figure out the actuality of the life i have designed

Around the carousel again.
The pieces i can never mend.
The infinite roller coaster ride.
The emptiness i can't replace,
the void i'm far too scared to face.
the battle i will fight until the end of *time

i keep things vague and blurry so you can't see past these walls.
but the chemistry brewing may demolish this, and the barriers will fall.
i dont know how to be when you're around and its painful to think about it so hard.
i watch everything so closely, analyze it to the core. for every second spent together i dream of a half a million more...

Just give me something, give me anything at all. I'll drop everything and i'll be here. All i want is to be here but i want to be wanted, it's all i can hope. Just give me something and i wont even think to go.

rip the words out from my lips.
i cant bare to speak this.
pry your face far from my eyes
so i won't stare this way.
the more i tell myself that i must be harsher on my heart.
the more i seem to fall apart.

if i could go back in time, and erase our conversations, every line, every you ever muttered, it meant nothing, but my heart puttered. and i wish i could just go mute. blind my eyes, and block all the sounds coming from you. i cant change this. even if im patient, im still gonna love you.

carry me over the hot coals.
you always save me, its like you want to.
and i don't know just how to read you.
or should i even try and study you.

why can't i take the wheel?
i need to steer the ship before it sinks into the ground.
why can't i control what i feel.
i tell myself what i need to do, but then you come around,
and i just wanna believe in the dreams i dreamt for us,
this whole galaxy i built for us.
i just want to move it from my creative mind, to the outside.

the colors are always changing, and i cant keep up with the mix and matching shades.
today i feel like i can love you, but i cant promise tomorrow will be the same.
so what is this continuation of events when i know i'll still be stuck tripping over make believe footsteps.


you cant shake what you feel.
i've learned that the hardest way possible.
and you can't predict that glances are real,
because when youre heart is set, it's unstoppable.
i just want to open my eyes and see what i saw when they were closed,
so how come when i open them, i feel alone and so exposed,
i just want to feel like i'm still in reality today.

i could explode form the inside.
every time you let me down.
I could feel o top of the world but
you can bring me underground.
and i don't want to love you like this.
why is a happy love so hard to find?
i need to discover something i can hold on to,
because id rather feel empty that hurt this much inside.

what do i do now? with tears splashing from my eyes.
where do i go from here? because the end of the road is within my sight.
and i know i can't go any further without losing myself along the way.
i cant seem to recover.

thoughts are overflowing in my mind
but my mouth is as empty as my heart feels here.
i have chased this like ive been starved to the bone,
now i'm touching the sky with my fingers, but i can only think of my home.
--
and ive never seen my heart skip beats like this before.
i think i've found my plague for sure.
--
youve pried open all of my wounds. i know you didn't mean to, but that doesnt make it hurt any less tonight.
youve revealed all of my scars and, you want all these explanations, how do i know i can tell you and keep you in sight?

--
don't sweat it, i always manage to pull through.
pain is something ive become used to
but never immune to. it never gets easier. no.
i love the way we sycnhronize.
just like your body is part of mine,
and i watch as we conjoin and intertwine.
--
the letters i wrote you, i stowed them away,
to the depths of a place you will never see,
this is so constant, so thorough, so strong.
this is why i, drawn to you.

where did we start?
i lost the mark we had left there.
and every time you push me away,
somehow you kick my memory into gear.
and why i keep pushing for this to be real, is suddenly clear.

i remember when it felt good to feel this way.
before everything was destroyed in front of my face.
when the excitement was unbearable. and the light of hope was as bright as i had ever began to see.
and i remember when it felt good to be this way.
chasing something that never seemed to escape.
so now i can feel it sliding right through my hands and i can't seem to get it back on track.
can you take me back to this place?

how did this end?
but for the sake of my sanity can we not talk about it?
because every time i let my brain wander back,
and it feels a little better, when i let my feet step back.

and i know, that soon it will hurt again.
disguising the truth with what i had imagined then.
but how good it felt to still have the spark of hope, that now seems so far.
so what if i live in a world that i've built.
and if im alone, and it's not even real.
so what if i have turned myself into a fictional character, and created your side of the conversation the way i wish i heard them. how many people can do that and still feel okay? well i feel okay. at least for today.

no words can really describe it. i try to find them, but theyre non existent. but when i look back on how i felt about you then. the words come spilling out, and the visions so vivid that suddenly i am in love with the person i created. can you create them with me?

I can’t figure you out.

You take the puzzles pieces from my hands and then you make them fit somehow

and you can re arrange my life and still make it work

the way you decorate my heart with your pretty thoughts you put into words

like a poet, you write our story like a song

you steer me in directions, and you never steer me wrong,

just when i thought the ground had fallen away from my feet

you show me that nothing in this life constitutes as defeat

—and i keep fighting, with these fists like iron now,

only because you kept me grounded, you showed me how

how to love with everything but never forget that nothing is ever what it appears to be, you took the blindfolds off of me, and let me see.

—You showed me there is no such thing as honesty.

you take the stories you are given and believe what you want to believe.

nobody’s perfect, but that includes your very own soul.

and the mistakes your fathers make will soon be your own.

—you can’t cure all the wrong that rains on this world

you reminded me just to keep going,

you’re a train going along, for miles and then back,

and sometimes we fall away from the tracks

but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back

In the sunshine, with the bright sky, everything feels alright.

When you’re thriving, not just surviving, i’m just existing in a world of black and white.

where’s the color? I lost the bright lights, i’m following the echoes of a voice that sounds like home,

and i can hear it, bouncing off the walls here, i am searching for the sound to follow to get back to my soul.

-I don’t remember, i don’t recall, what it’s like to feel anything at all. I don’t recognize this force that i’ve become. I’m not afraid, I’m not defeated, i’m not ready to run, all i can feel is numb.

—Starry night filled skies, my eyes shining in the moonlight, everything seems quite alright.

when you’re full of passion and mystery, not just existing, in an empty life.

where’s the fire, where’s the madness? Wheres the fury, strength and passion?

where tomorrow is irrelevant and yesterday’s distant, and i only care about right here right now.

—-who tore my wings out from my back, who put the fire out? Who closed my eyes, and left me reaching with my arms out? Who stole the stars out of my sky, and cut my neck to bleed my dry, of all the hope, all the life, all the courage i had dreaming in my mind, oh what’s it gonna take for me to pull out of this grave? Oh what’s it gonna take form me to rise above this pain? I know it was the hopelesness inside, that took the reins from my sweaty hands, and led me to this place, it led me to face myself every day

i'm usually the girl that writes the sad songs.
but somethings evolved that changed the way i feel inside.
i feel like i've finally made a decision at the crossroads.
and you weren't the influence that made me decide.
i feel like we've been attached for much too long.
every move i made i looked at you for your approval every time.
then i learned that i was stronger than i had even imagined.
and i learned the power of my own mind.

so finally i can say the words i'm okay,
I'm much more decisive than i thought i'd ever be.
and i can do anything i want to without feeling any slight ounce of shame.
i didn't expect this positive change.

so this is goodbye
a long time coming, oh
i shouldnt cry,
but i cant mask these emotioms, oh
where do imgo?
only the road knows
is it wrong to be afraid
i can't get out of my head the thought of your face when im gone...

and so i go, i know ive got to, but inside i just dont want to
and i know, and i know im lucky to go, but i just see you in my head when i should see the bright lights

when will i return
yiur guess is as good as mine
but i know only because ive learned
that things are never going to be the same once you leave them behind
so i can kiss this frame of my life goodbye

am7 cadd9 --g,cadd9 am no capo

is this air or smoke in my lungs?
I'm just a girl, i've got guts and skin and bones.
But nothing is good enough.
even when i've worked until my strength is gone.
I fight harder than anyone i've ever known in all my life.
yet still i'm running in circles, trying to cut through steel with a knife.


i have lost my grip on anything that's ever mattered. now i can't keep hold of anything at all.
I even feel myself slipping away, the grounds escaping from under my toes.
everyone's voices are much too loud, and my walls have come down, i'm naked in front of a crowd of faces,
that see through me and so, why do i bother to put on a show?

is this all a bad bad joke?

another endless night,
where i cant get these words phrased together just quite right
where you eat up my mind from the inside.
and when i fall asleep, i know ill see you there.
sounds so sweet, i wish it felt that way too.
i wish i didn't feel that constant need for you.


so when the sun sets, i think it could all change tomorrow.
but when its light again, nothings changed.
another day spent either hopeful, or soaked in sorrow
but i'll wait a million more days

i sometimes forget how i love you.
only because time has put it in the back of my mind.
it's not that i don't think of you.
it's just that when i do, it's hurt a little less each time.
and then you go ahead and talk to me.
your words hitting me like bullets, they do.
And it all comes flowing right back to me.
and i remember how much i love you.

i am not sure i will ever clean you from my mind for good.
i wish i could just be hypnotized so that i would.
cause if i never knew you, i could live this life of happiness.
but then id forget all the good times. then would i be myself?