Counting the years of my life I hid underground while yearning for sunlight.
Telling myself there is simply nothing left for me in this life.
I could've given it all up. I thought about it every day.
When the current you're swimming in feels constant.
When the winds feel like they'll never change.
You think life will be this way forever,
because you can't imagine how quickly it can rearrange.

I fought like a warrior for freedom.
Shed layers that were just heavy weight for me.
and underneath all the armor I burdened myself with
There were wings were begging to be freed.

Now I ponder the girl that wanted to abandon it.
I think of all the experiences she would have missed.
I cry for her sorrow feeling so eternal.
I want to show her that just around the corner there was bliss.
And I want to hurt her, because she almost robbed me
Of all this love and light that she intended to keep us from.
Underneath all of that sympathy I carry for her
Is a relief I now feel, that she longed to feel deeply.
I want to share it with her.
Tell her it's ok to hold on.

I imagine my soul in the sky, looking down.
All the lessons that i almost never learned.
All the people I almost never met.
All the love I almost never knew i had.
All the tears I never would have cried.
All the souls i would have never touched.
All the sounds i would have never heard.
All the laughs that would stay buried in my lifeless chest
All that I have achieved in my life, laid to rest.
I almost never did any of it.
I almost left.
I almost did.
If you were to ask me now how often i think about checking out sooner than originally planned.
I'd say almost never.

Your handprint on my chest.
Your touch seared into my flesh.
All this time that's gone right by.
So many moments, just an occasion.

You are just a fragment of my story.
You helped me find peace, and evoked such fury.
I thought I'd cry out for you at night,
only to learn you were never my foundation.

Then the ground started to shake,
and everything I thought was sturdy, revealed itself to be hollow.
But as I picked myself back up
I found my intuition was the one to follow.
I depended on someone that never had what it takes to be that strong.
But I had it all along.

I found bouts of loneliness along my path.
I felt my own doubt, withstood the pain of my very own wrath.
Until all this pain became such a large part of me.
So much of it self inflicted, I had to truly detach to be free,

I never meant to make you feel like just a plague.
You brought so much good that got lost along the way.
I never forgot it. I hope I never will.
There are memories that I recall that I smile about still.

Wherever you end up I hope your scenery treats you well.
I wish for you to grow so tall and flourish for yourself.
Once I embraced healing, I was finally able to embrace change.
It scared me half to death but alleviated my pain.

There were times I thought I'd hit the floor for good.
I didn't want to get back up and I didn't think I could.
You were a weight on my neck, but I never told you that before.
You couldn't have known. It's still something I'm sorry for.