I remember the first time I met her
It was at the orphanage.
I was going through rehabilitation
after running away for what
turned out to be last of many times
I was a lifer.
Who wants to adopt fourteen
year old boys?
Apparently no one.

She was assigned as my counselor
I don't think I have
ever seen anyone as beautiful as her.
That lovely angelic face.
Oh! Her smile,
it was like sunshine.
Unsure of how to address a Nun
I always called her Ma’am.
She did not seem to mind.
Her heart was so full of kindness
She had me hooked.

I think that was when I realized
she was the only friend
I had in the whole world.
What I did not know was
I was falling in love with her.
That confusing rite of passage
from Boyhood to Manhood
left me dazed and confused.
Or perhaps I just did not know
how badly I needed
someone to love.

Even after all these years.
I have never seen
as much kindness in anyone
before or since.
It flowed from her
like honey.

She stopped me
from running away again,
and taught me
how to read books
great books
by important authors.

To learn poetry
and to talk about
its meaning.
At this point I knew
for sure I loved her.

She took me to
the mission where
the homeless lived.
And we served
in the free kitchen.
When some hungry lost soul
asked why she bothered them
they were all drunks anyway
She said sweetly
It is my privilege to share a meal
with you and your friends.
I would have followed
her to the moon
or anywhere.

She was relocated
after a couple of years.
To a mission in Africa.
I was desolate.
Begging to go with her.
I even asked her to marry me.
She smiled and said
if she was free
she would marry me
in a heartbeat.

But she explained gently
to my young heart,
that she was already
married to her faith.
Showing me her gold ring.
She whispered see
I am a Bride of Christ.

She died a few years later
her letters stopped coming to me.
It was a bad bout of malaria
that took her.
But I thought that Heaven
needed her more than we did.

Now when I feel
alone or sad.
I open an old shoe box
the only thing that I kept from
the orphanage.
And I re-read her
stacks of letters.

one by one.
Always in the order
that she sent them to me.
And as usual
I feel warm and safe again.

All through the night the moon
shines its silver beacon.
I sit below in my room playing piano
It is dark in the room.
no lights but the moons candle.
I play the beautiful soulful
moonlight sonata.
It was her favorite piece.
My fingertips touch the keys
as softly as the moonlight
caresses her skin in my memory.
The vision is in my mind.
in a place I always open on
nights such as this.
Nights when old feelings
will not sleep.
Outside my window the world
Is covered in pools
of silver moonlight.
All I can do is think and feel
you holding me like before…
I think only of you.
You are far from me now
In another world.
one that I shall never know.
A world of wealth light and gaiety.
As my heart falls
in tune with the soft melody
I close my eyes.
And once again see you dancing
with me in the moonlight.
In the fantasy of my dreams.
You smile and say
“Be sure not to drown in pools
of moonlight My Love”
As if it could stop me from
Drowning in my sorrow.

the depths of despair can be as deep .. as the ocean can be blue
but that's not as deep as the despair i feel when i'm lying here, missing you
blood stains on the ceiling .. hypodermic hell
desperate, broken, bleeding .. as i try to remember your smell
thoughts of how we used to be, flash across my mind
with each and every memory, chemicals unwind
but here i am, still breathing, the person that i used to be
and although i know i'm missing you, i cannot set you free
always and forever a place within my heart
you think you know the bitter end, but that's the place to start

(c) p skez and msrigs 22/08/2015

I remember back then
We were so young.
I wrote love poems for you.
They were beautiful just like you.
And I wrote them only for you.

I waited at the old railway station.
For your train to arrive from the city.
The noisy trains and ***** station
Went unnoticed when you
Stepped to the platform Your
Bright yellow dress like a sun.

God! I loved you so much.
And it is cruel that I still do.
You threw yourself
into my arms then
and into my heart forever.

You want your freedom now
I do not beg of you to stay.
Blowing flames from the ashes
Of what was once us.

Leave me then
take all we have.
I do not want it anymore.
Make a final journey
to the old railway station.
Board the next train
to the city lights.

I shall remain here forever alone.
Writing beautiful love poems.
Still all for you.
poems that I know
you will never understand.

I feel like I am walking in shower of love
The tapping of rain playing my heartbeat
The light of the moon a beacon
lighting all my senses
Pulling me close to you
she said

We walked along the tree lined streets
together in the park arm in arm
In the shining wetness of the night rain.
Where our love glows in the dark

Its rhythm is playing on the strings of my heart
Making me feel love songs all for you.
I am so in love with you
So in love
she sighed

We walked slowly in the rain
I turned to look at her
so beautiful radiant in the moons light
So much what I needed.

I feel your fingers inside my heart
Tapping your heartbeat on mine.
Allowing me to breath to feel to live.
Keeping my heart safe and loved
she said

And in the park in the night rain
I walked into her heart
through the door
She left open for me
and I found my home
where I would never leave

In my dream Jude is riding
a 64 red Mustang convertible with
white upholstery.
The beetles are
roaring
All my Lovin'

Its throaty roar
from the straight
through muffler
at eighty mph
caused a squeal of
delight from my
passenger
Ellie Whitehead
only the hottest girl
in my school.

I have been
fantasizing about her
for weeks.
I would give up my red car
for her to--well never mind
Its my dream after all.
Wow! I am 17 again.
I love this dream.

The alarm clock
vibrates with a
mean spirited
vengeance.
I awaken rudely.
I kiss the
middle aged lady
next to me in my bed.
and whisper
rise and shine
Ellie my love
its a new day.

Once more I am writing poems
to the spirits that haunt my heart.
The ones that wail at my bones
beneath my skin.
Let all this darkness flow in my ink.
Pouring itself onto paper like blue veins.
Letting light back inside
make me whole again.
Its three in the morning
I am digging in the ruins of my heart.
Unearthing old broken memories.
Once you collected all the stars
In the milky way and
pressed them into my hands.
To guide you through
the darkness of life you said.
How could I not stop the gods
from taking you.
The one who could collect stars.
When you left I folded my heart
into a love letter.
And slipped it quietly into your soul.
To take with you to eternity.
I promised myself to stop
writing to the ghost.
But they are all the
comfort that remains,
So I write to them one more time.
As the dying embers of your stars
fade one by one.