I feel filthy
My mind has seen and thought of unspeakable lust
I continuously opened the door of my Paradise
Great fear has tiptoed into my wellbeing-wounded heart
The fear of being touched
Kissed
And made love to
Is overwhelming
All the excitement died
And I feel filthy
Save me from this misery my love
Nothing else could ever fix my dented soul
The blood is flooding my chest
My intercoastal muscles have been weakened
Be my surgeon
Love
Glossy eyes makes me blind

I'm really alone this time around
I've pushed him furthermore
Even though I told him to move on
I didn't think he would this fast
He hasn't texted me yet
I really am all alone this time
There are people around yet I'm all by myself
He made me lively even when he lives miles away from me
Knowing that I am his kept me alive
I'm not saying I will bite the dust
But he kept me breathing
He told me about his new girlfriend
We've only been separated for a few weeks after 530 days
He moved on
Nothing could ever fix a dented soul
If this is love I don't want it again

Remember that you are the root of your own heart ache, he said.
I looked at him and believed him because that’s all I’ve ever done since we’ve been together.
And now after a year five months we split. And he tells me that I have been helping her heal since May this year.
I honestly thought we could fix it, but that’s pretty ****** up.
I have only ever been honest with him…
I guess I really messed up for telling him that I felt something when I hugged one of my past flings.
And he jumped and called me names. Pushed me to leave him.
I couldn’t sleep, like now.
I woke up in the morning crying.
I wanted him back.
I love him insanely, but he told me about the since May girl and I feel drained.
I can’t keep up…
I mean he is obviously gonna have to always help her heal by telling her he is hers.
So much for being related…
I don’t even know whether what I’ve just typed makes sense.

Fear, fear drives me insane.
I am not crazy, but sane.

I am not afraid anymore!
I am free at last
Making decisions on my own with no one dictating me
It is no longer like before... I was in a cage being taken from one place to the other
No!
That is all gone I make the calls now

The little girl you'd instruct to jumped and asked how how high is no more
Now when you say jump I say no
I wanna run
I'm tired of jumping
I like running
Yes that's right I do what I like
I am not afraid anymore

I've found out how worthy I am
And nothing not even you can take that away from me
You're were a stumbling block
I discovered how to use my wings
You won't look down on me cos I'm up here

Fear you are nothing, but a microscopic block
A bacteria is bigger than you

I am free from you

My Friends?
They left me!
I had asked them to wait for me
But they left
They left without the decency of informing me
I am sad
I was all alone
But I'm sad that they did not inform me that they are leaving

I will wait for them
After all it is not in my nature to avenge
And if I have to leave I will inform them

It is the way my traditional head cloth covers my head artistically.
Giving me a sense of a gracefully hand made Crown.
Passed on from generation to generation by
My ancestors from all corners of Africa.

It is the way my hands flatter when I narrate a story.
Giving me a sense of articulation.
Pride, dances through my veins.

It is the way my body moves to rhythm from hip to hip.
Shoulders momentarily shaking to the sound of unique beads woven Shekere.
Legs aggressively moving to the talking drum.

It is the way  I speak to my elders with respect.
Knees on the floor when taking or giving them something.
Sweep the compound when asked to.
Adherence of instructions turn to turn.

Heritage moves with me in one accord.