It's gotten bad.
To the point that I let the emotions consume me.
Consume me from writing the ink.
I wanted to supress my feels.
I wasn't ready to let waves of emotions come through my body.

I didn't want to feel anymore.
I didn't want to share my love to another anymore.
Too hurt to feel the emotions.
I wanted to be alone.
I wanted to be silent.

Felt like I wasn't enough to feel human.
Tired of the fire burning inside.
But.
I know.
I need.
To let go.
I have to feel it.
Let the words come through my fingertips.

But I was afraid of the ink.
Afriad that if the ink is expressed.
I will feel the depression.
The anger.
The fire.
The anxiety.

It all grown upon me.
Like soliders attacking the enemy.
When will it stop.
At the pit of the throat, piles of innocent ink fill the hole.
Trying to escape.

And maybe now I am ready to let the ink flow through my body.

I remember when I was a teenager ya know playing sport eating junk food oh yeah
Yes it was fun being a teenager
Being as cool as they come
You see I was a very good worker and I was as fit as well
You see I was a cool teenager
Yes that sounds real cool
We went to see the raiders from Canberra oh yeah
And we waved our flags and yelled out to make sure everyone hears
We celebrated new year at the with some sugar or alcohol
Yes it was fun being a teenager
Yes I was so cool
You see I was in the basketball team and I was very fit
And I was with the bowling team
And at that stage I wasn’t very good but when I got back into it as an adult I became the best I can be
You see it was fun being a teenager you see I was wiling to learn
You see I did bushwalking and I mucked around in school
Getting detentions and ****
I squabbled with another bloke who wanted to show how cool he is but me, being a teenager
I showed him I can be cool too
Yes it was fun being a teenage boy and I had a lot of fun
I had sleepovers with my mates and boy I had a great time
We watched movies ate pizza
Without worrying about our weight and our birthdays we had parties enjoying it yeseree
But it was it was it was fun being a teenager still having fun
Loving life, yeah mate it was fun

Today is a present
No matter how bad it may seem
The good the bad
They are but only moments
They are small
Today is big
Today is present
You are alive
To this I say thank you
To my family and friends
Without them I may not have today
Without them I may not say
The words inside my head
Shed the tears I shed
Love who I love

So to them
I say thanks
Because
They gave me a gift
A gift I could never return
A gift I can only reciprocate
So again I say
Life is a gift
So thank you for today
Because
Today is a present

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.