I can't bury you
Nor can I heal;

In my veins,
In my soul.

Whatever decision I make.. it always seems that I regret making that decision. ..I always wonder how life would be if I had made another instead. 
 
It seems no matter what I am always being too ******* myself. At least that is what I keep hearing. No matter how familiar it may become there is always a sense of uncertainty and confusion. 
 
A face I have seen.... a face that I have kissed.... the person I have held in my arms... it doesn't take long for them to become strange again. And as soon as they do.... I sink a little farther down. 
 
I would like to have been something else. Someone else. Someone different.... One that wouldn't disappoint nor hurt you like I have. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you. I have failed in what I value the most.... protecting the ones I love. I have failed you.. 
 
You look so beautiful. This smile I see you wear.. It reflects upon me. I realize that smile wasn't there before when I was standing next to you.... The smile I tried to coax out never needed my help... or was it hinderance? 
 
I don't know..

At least the moon was close enough I could feel its affect on me.
The stars are what I have been wanting to seek something from.

So far away, only in my thoughts can I see them.
They look like they will cut me if I touch them.

So small yet so big. I wish to really see them up close.
Dreams have told me of what could happen.

So many stars out in the pitch black.
I only want one of them.
Not the biggest star, nor the brightest.
I just want the one that makes me think everytime I watch it.

The perfect silence
It doesn't break.
The patient smile I have
It never goes away even when I am sad.

I'm told its impossible
To reach out and touch one.
I don't care.
I must find out for myself.

I wonder if life will ever hold out a hand. ..
For now I feel the weight unbearable.
She never leaves yet is always away from me.
I feel my soul was almost breaking down completely
until the moon threw its face out of the night sky and looked up at me.
The moon is so beautiful illuminated with warmth…
but all that surrounds the moon is an icy fast
that keeps me from ever touching the moon.
The moon has always been in my sight.
And I was never shy of the moon's precious light.
I finally felt "I must visit the moon finally,
I must be free to enjoy my life with the moon.
There is nothing else on Earth that keeps me warm."
I finally tried to extend my reach outward,
only to be held down by the gravity of reality.
The Earth keeps me from ever reaching the sweet, sweet moon.
And the icy surrounding has also made it almost impossible
to just simply touch the moon.
My eyes were always on the moon for some time.
And for the past cycles I have truly been able to see
how much meaning and love I share and hold with the moon.
I feel the soft light of the moon touch my skin and I feel nothing.
I am too far away to feel anything.
Too numb and lost to feel or think.
My eyes shed tears, which are suddenly ripped off my face
by the fears I hold inside.
I have always understood the moon almost as much as the moon understands me.
But even after all these years… all of the trust we hold….
It seems the distance is just too much.
I can only hope the tides draw in soon.
The tears held by the tide may reveal
to the now waning moon there is no need to fall behind the Earth's shadow any longer.