On train headed home
Going to be on my way to visit you
Even though I didn’t visit you much when you were healthier and living
Could this be guilt? How do you go watch someone die when you barely watched them alive?
I go because I feel bad, bad for my family that they’re going through this
That my dad has to watch his mother suffer and pass
I’m going for them.
Makes me wonder do they even need me?
Why should I go?
Am I a bad person?
I would rather go to class and do vogue
Instead of dealing with the cries because you may just die
Other people would be crying at the thought of losing you
Yet here I am ALMOST crying just because I feel bad and am frustrated.
How much does it really mean to watch one die whom you barely seen alive?

uncomfortable
high
tweaky
high
boredom
high
speedy
high
anxious
high
hard of breath
high
failing at chilling
high
fritzy
high
****
****
****

It isn't just her.
It's always been me.
They've always been prettier.
Had more of a pleasant appeal.
Each single one has been called "the it girl"
while I sit here wondering when it will be me.
It'll never be me.
My mentality is so sad, which is exactly why it shall never be me.
Always a bridesmaid never a bride, thats what they say.
Always jealous and depressed never going to be the one getting all the press.
I wish I could but for some reason I just can't seem to change me.

I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.