When you fixated on parts of me
You reduced me to those things.
I loved you,
So I swallowed the hurt,
And I swallowed the sad,
And I gave you everything that I had.
I became what you wanted,
I sliced off those body parts
And sent them to you, reluctantly, at first
But a starving dog will beg for a bone;
When I saw that was all that I could hope for
I let you cut me up.
I sent you segments of me.
But the one part that you never asked for
Wept and wept, waiting for your love
Waiting, in vain, crying, in pain.

I'm sorry that I'm not your Prince Charming
The knight riding in with armor shining
I'm sorry I'm not your superhero
Carrying you up from the ground below
I have tried so hard to drop my guard
And open my hands to hold your heart
But it isn't mine to hold
There will come one to guard your soul
One to stand up for you strong and bold
The one made to hold your hand
And I am sorry that I'm not him.

I don't want to get out of my bed,
it's too cold,
there are so many things that I dread,
not everything is glitter and gold.
I don't want to get out of my bed,
there is so much sadness,
sometimes I'd rather be dead,
it'd be an escape from the madness.
I don't want to get out of my bed,
what will happen if I stay?
When I die, what will be said?
Only that I kept my fears at bay?

I should get out of my bed,
I may fear loss,
of love,
life,
happiness.
But if I don't get out of bed,
I may as well be dead.

Broken foot
leftover fish and chips
Friend who I should talk to more
tried to commit suicide
And I don't care
as much as I should
Because it's ******* Christmas
But there's no mistletoe.
All I see are broken people
Living out their technicolor lives
With their eyes closed.

You would tell me you loved me only when I was on you
We had *** in the street once at 2 am
Warm asphalt under our skin

You would moan that you loved me as you came inside me
I wonder if you noticed I never told you I loved you
unless we were fully clothed

The first time I told you I loved you
we were eating homemade peach ice cream
and you were wearing your favorite red jacket
and we were talking about the planets at 8 pm by a hidden pond

The first time you told me you loved me
you were wearing crumpled plaid boxers around your feet
and we were writhing in the back seat of your tinted jeep at the park

The last time you told me you loved me
we were in my bed at 3 am running from the police
and you were in my mouth trying to create a victory that involved
me swallowing

And its funny that way

I was always swallowing bits and pieces of you
and even now I seem to be constantly on the verge of regurgitating memories and moments I thought had long since been forgotten

They say if you love someone, let them go

I let you fly like a paper airplane across a classroom
and you haven’t returned yet

One day I’m going to have to stop doing winged eyeliner
and getting drunk in public places

And one day I will have to admit to myself
that I don’t really know what love is

One day I will get in my car
and throw my just lighted cigarette out of the window
because I don't really need it after all

I’ll stop listening to depressing music when I’m home alone

I’ll stop showing up to your house at 1 in the morning

And I’ll stop throwing up in toilets every Friday

One day you’re going to find out about me -

How I’m used up and selfish and *****

One day you will notice my scars
and you won’t kiss them and tell me you love me through it all
because this is not a movie
and pain is not beautiful when it’s as obvious as
blood dripping in your mouth

You will not compare me to a wild flower
and want to **** the nectar out like an active bee and pollinate me

You will pull my sleeve back down
and look out of the window until I drop you off at your house
and you kiss me on the cheek once
instead of leaving marks on my collarbones
and you will not call me right away anymore

so I guess what im getting at is my demise was our own
and no one likes pain they have to look at

No one likes darkness when its up close and personal